Rex Stout: Counterfeit for Murder

The doorbell rang. I offered myself three to one that it was Cramer, probably with Leach for company, stepped to the hall, and flipped the switch for the stoop light. It had been a bad bet. I stepped back in and told Wolfe, “All four of them. Dell, Ferris, Hannah, and Martha Kirk.”

He glared at me. “You invited them?”

“No, sir. It’s a surprise party. People have no consideration. They might at least have phoned.”

“It’s impossible! I’m not ready. I haven’t prepared my mind.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s impossible. Bring them in.”

I went to the front and opened the door, and invited them to enter. Martha Kirk, first in, did not curtsy, and Raymond Dell didn’t bow. When I turned after shutting the door she was sitting on the bench pulling off her galoshes and the men were removing their coats. “Have you written your piece?” Dell demanded.

That had been so long ago, eight whole hours, that for a second I didn’t get him. “Oh,” I said. “I had forgotten I was doing one. I got interrupted.”

“We want to see Nero Wolfe,” Martha Kirk said. “And you.”

“Then you might as well have us together. This way.” I went to the office door and stood aside, and they filed in. Wolfe arose, inclined his head an eighth of an inch as I pronounced each name, and sat. He never shakes hands with strangers. I was going to put Martha Kirk in the red leather chair, but Dell beat us to it, so I moved up a yellow one for her, next to me, and Ferris and Hannah moved their own, beyond her. Wolfe’s eyes went from left to right and back again.

“Go ahead, Martha,” Paul Hannah said. “This was your idea.”

“No,” Martha said, “it was Hattie’s idea.” She was still ornamental, and the dimples were still there, but she didn’t look up to making an omelet of larks’ eggs. She turned her face to me and then to Wolfe. “It’s crazy,” she said. “The idea that Hattie — It’s just crazy.”

“She doesn’t mean,” Noel Ferris explained, “that Hattie’s idea is crazy, she means the idea that Hattie killed Tammy Baxter. Hattie’s idea was that we should come and see you.”

“According to Martha,” Paul Hannah said.

“Idiot children,” Raymond Dell rumbled. His hat had pressed his white mane down, but it was starting to unfurl. “Snapping and yapping in the face of tragedy.”

“Death isn’t tragedy,” Ferris said. “Life is tragedy.”

“Was it Miss Annis’s idea,” Wolfe inquired, “that you should come and expound philosophy to me? Miss Kirk. I gather that she spoke with you?”

Martha nodded. “She spoke to me. She said she had hired you and Mr. Goodwin to make the cops eat dirt, and we must come and tell you everything we had told the cops.”

“When did she hire you?” Hannah demanded. His chubby pink cheeks were a little saggy.

Wolfe ignored him and kept his eyes at Martha. “What else did she say?”

“Nothing. She couldn’t. I was coming downstairs, and they were carrying her out, and she saw me and said that, and I said we would. Of course I couldn’t tell the others then, they were still questioning us, but I did as soon as they left.”

“They were carrying her literally? Bodily?”

“Yes. Two men.”

“Had they forced the door of her room?”

“Yes.”

Wolfe grunted. “Possibly actionable. For the record, Miss Annis is my client, but my job is not as she defined it. I have engaged to investigate the murder that was committed in her house.”

“It wasn’t committed by her,” Martha declared. “But they’ve arrested her. It’s crazy!”

“It was committed by a sex maniac,” Paul Hannah said. “Twice last week a man followed her right to the door. When she told me about it I offered to ambush him, but she said no, if he did it again and came close she would handle him. She would, too.”

Noel Ferris twisted his lip. “Lochinvar Hannah,” he drawled. “These sex maniacs are damn clever. Of course getting in wasn’t much, he could have a bag of assorted keys, but getting the knife from the kitchen was a real stroke. We know he did because you identified it.”

“You keep harping on that.” Hannah’s cheeks were pinker. “Certainly I identified it, with that nick in it. I supposed you all would. I knew Hattie would.”

“I did,” Martha said.

Ferris turned a hand over. “Then I should have too. I was too sentimental, I always am. I had a vague notion that it would be better to leave it plausible that the knife was a stranger. Also I am too sensitive. I couldn’t bear the thought that the knife I had sliced ham with had been...” He finished it with a gesture, an actor’s gesture.

Raymond Dell snorted. “Adolescent imbeciles! All three of you! We came here to serve a friend in whose debt we are, not to prattle. Tammy Baxter was new in that house, not yet of us. For all we know, Hattie may have had reason to fear her beyond endurance. In a frenzy of fear, in the panic of desperation, she killed her. That is quite possible. We know that Hattie was not herself. We thought her incapable of guile, but she brought this man Goodwin, a professional detective — she brought him there and presented him to Martha and me in false colors.”

Ferris’s brows were up. “But you came here to serve her?”

“I did.” Dell’s boom would have carried to the gallery if there had been one. “Whether she killed or not, whether she was wise to trust her fate to this man Wolfe and this man Goodwin — we are not to judge. We can only ask, what can we do or say to help her?” His deep-set blue-gray eyes focused on Wolfe. “And we can only ask you.”

Martha Kirk put in, “Hattie said we should tell him everything we told the cops.”

Wolfe shook his head. “That may not be necessary. I hope not.” He cleared his throat. “It has already been of some slight help to sit and listen to you; that is inherent in the situation. When four people are conversing in my presence and I know that one of them committed murder less than twelve hours ago, I would be a dolt to get no inkling at all. Look at you now — your reaction to what I just said. You are all staring at me. One of you opened his mouth to interrupt, but closed it. None of you glances at the others, or at any other. But I know that one of you is feeling the pinch. He is asking himself, are my eyes all right, how about my mouth, should I say something? He is aware, of course, that it will take more than an inkling to undo him, but an inkling can give me a start.”

It wasn’t giving me one. They all kept their stares at him. Martha’s lips were parted, and Ferris’s were twisted. Paul Hannah’s jaw was working. Dell’s chin was up and he was frowning. Ferris demanded, “You know it was one of us? How?”

“Not by an inkling, Mr. Ferris. There is the knife, and there is my conviction, on grounds that satisfy me, that Miss Annis didn’t use it, but that isn’t all. I prefer not to disclose why she took Mr. Goodwin to her house in masquerade; though one of you has certainly guessed why I’ll leave it a guess.” He flattened his palms on the chair arms. “And now we may proceed. Three of you came here to help a friend, and one of you came because he didn’t dare to refuse; nor will he dare to refuse to answer my questions; and I expect him to expose himself. If he has already exposed himself to the police we are wasting our time, but I’ll proceed on the assumption that he hasn’t. If I fail, it will be because I haven’t asked the right questions, and I don’t intend to fail.”

His head turned. “Mr. Dell. Have you paid your room rent for the past three months?”

Raymond Dell’s chin lifted another quarter of an inch. “We could all refuse,” he said.