Agatha Christie - Crooked House

"Perhaps not," I said cautiously.

"Grandfather always said it would be a | flop. He said he wouldn't put up any money for one of these historical religious plays.

He said it would never be a box office success. But mother was frightfully keen. I didn't like it much myself. It wasn't really a bit like the story in the Bible. I mean, Jezebel wasn't wicked like she is in the Bible. She was all patriotic and really quite nice. That made it dull. Still, the end was all right. They threw her out of the window.

Only no dogs came and ate her. I think | that was a pity, don't you? I like the part about the dogs eating her best. Mother says you can't have dogs on the stage but I don't see why. You could have performing dogs."

She quoted with gusto: " 'And they ate her all but the palms of her hands.' Why didn't they eat the palms of her hands?"

"I've really no idea," I said.

"You wouldn't think, would you, that dogs were so particular. Our dogs aren't.

They eat simply anything."

T^o^kin^ Krnnrled on this Biblical mys- ^ tery for some seconds.

"I'm sorry the play was a flop," I said.

"Yes. Mother was terribly upset. The notices were simply frightful. When she read them, she burst into tears and cried all day and she threw her breakfast tray at Gladys, and Gladys gave notice. It was rather fun."

"I perceive that you like drama, Josephine,"

I said.

"They did a post mortem on grandfather," said Josephine. "To find out what he had died of. A P.M., they call it, but I think that's rather confusing, don't you? Because P.M. stands for Prime Minister too. And for afternoon," she added, thoughtfully.

"Are you sorry your grandfather is dead?"

I asked.

"Not particularly. I didn't like him much.

He stopped me learning to be a ballet dancer."

"Did you want to learn ballet dancing?"

"Yes, and mother was willing for me to learn, and father didn't mind, but grandfather said I'd be no good."

She slipped off the arm of the chair, kicked off her shoes and endeavoured to get onto what are called technically, I believe, her points.

"You have to have the proper shoes, of course," she explained, "and even then you get frightful abscesses sometimes on the ends of your toes." She resumed her shoes and inquired casually:.

"Do you like this house?"

"I'm not quite sure," I said.

"I suppose it will be sold now. Unless Brenda goes on living in it. And I suppose Uncle Roger and Aunt Clemency won't be going away now."

"Were they going away?" I asked with a faint stirring of interest.

"Yes. They were going on Tuesday.

Abroad, somewhere. They were going by air. Aunt Clemency bought one of those a new featherweight cases."

"I hadn't heard they were going abroad,"

I said.

"No," said Josephine. "Nobody knew.

It was a secret. They weren't going to tell anyone until after they'd gone. They were going to leave a note behind for grandfather." | She added:

"Not pinned to the pincushion. That's only in very old-fashioned books and wives m^ do it when they leave their husbands. But!], it would be silly now because nobody has pincushions any more."

"Of course they don't. Josephine, do you know why your Uncle Roger was - going away?"

She shot me a cunning sideways glance. "I think I do. It was something to do with Uncle Roger's office in London. I rather think - but I'm not sure - that he'd embezzled something." ^ "What makes you think that?"

Josephine came nearer and breathed heavily in my face.

"The day that grandfather was poisoned Uncle Roger was shut up in his room with him ever so long. They were talking and talking. And Uncle Roger was saying that he'd never been any good, and that he'd let grandfather down - and that it wasn't the money so much - it was the feeling he'd been unworthy of trust. He was in an awful state."

I looked at Josephine with mixed feelings.

"Josephine," I said, "hasn't anybody ever told you that it's not nice to listen at doors?"

Josephine nodded her head vigorously.

"Of course they have. But if you want to find things out, you have to listen at doors.

I bet Chief Inspector Taverner does, don't you?"

I considered the point. Josephine went on vehemently:

"And anyway if he doesn't, the other one does, the one with the suede shoes. And they look in people's desks and read all their letters, and find out all their secrets.

Only they're stupid! They don't know where to look!"

Josephine spoke with cold superiority. I was stupid enough to let the inference escape me. The unpleasant child went on:

"Eustace and I know lots of things -but I know more than Eustace does. And I shan't tell him. He says women can't ever be great detectives. But I say they can. I'm going to write down everything in a notebook and then, when the police are completely baffled, I shall come forward and say, «I can tell you who did it.' "

"Do you read a lot of detective stories, Josephine?"

"Masses."

"I suppose you think you know who killed your grandfather?"

"Well, I think so - but I shall have to find a few more clues." She paused and added, "Chief Inspector Taverner thinks that Brenda did it, doesn't he? Or Brenda and Laurence together because they're in love with each other."

"You shouldn't say things like that,

Josephine."

"Why not? They are in love with each other."

"You can't possibly judge." sfe "Yes, I can. They write to each other.

Love letters."

"Josephine! How do you know that?"

"Because I've read them. Awfully soppy letters. But Laurence is soppy. He was too frightened to fight in the war. He went into basements, and stoked boilers. When the flying bombs went over here, he used to turn green - really green. It made Eustace and me laugh a lot."

What I would have said next, I do not know, for at that moment a car drew up outside. In a flash Josephine was at the window, her snub nose pressed to the pane.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"It's Mr. Gaitskill, grandfather's lawyer.

I expect he's come about the will."

Breathing excitedly, she hurried from the room, doubtless to resume her sleuthing activities.

Magda Leonides came in the room and to my surprise came across to me and took my hands in hers.

"My dear," she said, "thank goodness you're still here. One needs a man so badly."

She dropped my hands, crossed to a i highbacked chair, altered its position a little, glanced at herself in a mirror, then picking up a small Battersea enamel box from a table she stood pensively opening and shutting it.

It was an attractive pose.

Sophia put her head in at the door and said in an admonitory whisper, "Gaitskill!"

"I know," said Magda.

A few moments later, Sophia entered the; room accompanied by a small elderly man, and Magda put down her enamel box and came forward to meet him.

"Good morning, Mrs. Philip. I'm on my way upstairs. It seems there's some misunderstanding about the will. Your husband wrote to me with the impression that the will was in my keeping. I understood from Mr. Leonides himself that it was at his vault. You don't know anything about it, I suppose?"

"About poor Sweetie's will?" Magda opened astonished eyes. "No, of course not. Don't tell me that wicked woman upstairs has destroyed it?"

"Now, Mrs. Philip," he shook an admonitory finger at her. "No wild surmises.

It's just a question of where your father-inlaw kept it."

"But he sent it to you - surely he did - after signing it. He actually told us he had." o "The police, I understand, have been through Mr. Leonides's private papers," said Mr. Gaitskill. "I'll just have a word with Chief Inspector Taverner."

He left the room. g "Darling," cried Magda. "She has destroyed it. I know I'm right."

"Nonsense, mother, she wouldn't do a stupid thing like that."