Agatha Christie - The Labours of Hercules

The Professor's words were drowned in a sudden chorus. The word 'Police' was heard – women rose to their feet, there was a babel of sound. The lights went out and so did the electric grill.

As an undertone to the turmoil the Professor's voice went on tranquilly reciting various excerpts from the laws of Hammurabi.

When the lights went on again Hercule Poirot was halfway up the wide, shallow steps. The police officers by the door saluted him, and he passed out into the street and strolled to the corner. Just round the corner, pressed against the wall was a small and odoriferous man with a red nose. He spoke in an anxious, husky whisper.

"I'm 'ere guv'nor. Time for me to do my stuff?"

"Yes. Go on."

"There's an awful lot of coppers about!"

"That is all right. They've been told about you."

"I 'ope they won't interfere, that's all?"

"They will not interfere. You're sure you can accomplish what you have set out to do? The animal in question is both large and fierce."

"'E won't be fierce to me," said the little man confidently. "Not with what I've got 'ere! Any dog'll follow me to Hell for it!"

"In this case," murmured Hercule Poirot, "he has to follow you out of Hell!"

In the small hours of the morning the telephone rang. Poirot picked up the receiver.

Japp's voice said: "You asked me to ring you."

"Yes, indeed. Eh bien?"

"No dope – we got the emeralds."

"Where?"

"In Professor Liskeard's pocket."

"Professor Liskeard?"

"Surprises you, too? Frankly I don't know what to think! He looked as astonished as a baby, stared at them, said he hadn't the faintest idea how they got in his pocket, and dammit I believe he was speaking the truth! Varesco could have slipped them into his pocket easily enough in the blackout. I can't see a man like old Liskeard being mixed up in this sort of business. He belongs to all these highfalutin' societies, why he's even connected with the British Museum! The only thing he ever spends money on is books, and musty old second-hand books at that. No, he doesn't fit. I'm beginning to think we're wrong about the whole thing – there never has been any dope in that Club."

"Oh, yes there has, my friend, it was there tonight. Tell me, did no one come out through your secret way?"

"Yes, Prince Henry of Scandenberg and his equerry – he only arrived in England yesterday. Vitamian Evans, the Cabinet Minister (devil of a job being a Labour Minister, you have to be so careful! Nobody minds a Tory politician spending money on riotous living because the taxpayers think it's his own money – but when it's a Labour man the public feel it's their money he's spending! And so it is in a manner of speaking.) Lady Beatrice Viner was the last – she's getting married the day after tomorrow to the priggish young Duke of Leominster. I don't believe any of that lot were mixed up in this."

"You believe rightly. Nevertheless, the dope was in the Club and someone took it out of the Club."

"Who did?"

"I did, mon ami," said Poirot softly.

He replaced the receiver, cutting off Japp's spluttering noises, as a bell trilled out. He went and opened the front door. The Countess Rossakoff sailed in.

"If it were not that we are, alas, too old, how compromising this would be!" she exclaimed. "You see, I have come as you told me to do in your note. There is, I think, a policeman behind me, but he can stay in the street. And now, my friend, what is it?"

Poirot gallantly relieved her of her fox furs.

"Why did you put those emeralds in Professor Liskeard's pocket?" he demanded. "Ce n'est pas gentille, ce que vous avez fait là!"

The Countess's eyes opened wide.

"Naturally, it was in your pocket I meant to put the emeralds!"

"Oh, in my pocket?"

"Certainly. I cross hurriedly to the table where you usually sit – but the lights they are out and I suppose by inadvertence I put them in the Professor's pocket."

"And why did you wish to put stolen emeralds in my pocket?"

"It seemed to me – I had to think quickly, you understand – the best thing to do!"

"Really, Vera, you are impayable!"

"But, dear friend, consider! The police arrive, the lights go out (our little private arrangement for the patrons who must not be embarrassed) and a hand takes my bag off the table. I snatch it back, but I feel through the velvet something hard inside. I slip my hand in, I find what I know by touch to be jewels and I comprehend at once who has put them there!"

"Oh you do?"

"Of course I do! It is that salaud! It is that lizard, that monster, that double-faced, double-crossing, squirming adder of a pig's son, Paul Varesco."

"The man who is your partner in Hell?"

"Yes, yes, it is he who owns the place, who puts up the money. Until now I do not betray him – I can keep faith, me! But now that he double-crosses me, that he tries to embroil me with the police – ah! now I will spit his name out – yes, spit it out!"

"Calm yourself," said Poirot, "and come with me into the next room."

He opened the door. It was a small room and seemed for a moment to be completely filled with dog. Cerberus had looked outsize even in the spacious premises of Hell. In the tiny dining-room of Poirot's service flat there seemed nothing else but Cerberus in the room. There was also, however, the small and odoriferous man.

"We've turned up here according to plan, guv'nor," said the little man in a husky voice.

"Dou-dou!" screamed the Countess. "My angel Dou-dou!"

Cerberus beat the floor with his tail – but he did not move.

"Let me introduce you to Mr William Higgs," shouted Poirot, above the thunder of Cerberus's tail. "A master in his profession. During the brouhaha tonight," went on Poirot, "Mr Higgs induced Cerberus to follow him up out of Hell."

"You induced him?" The Countess stared incredulously at the small rat-like figure. "But how? How?"

Mr Higgs dropped his eyes bashfully.

"'Ardly like to say afore a lady. But there's things no dogs won't resist. Follow me anywhere a dog will if I want 'im to. Of course you understand it won't work the same way with bitches – no, that's different, that is."

The Countess Rossakoff turned on Poirot.

"But why? Why?"

Poirot said slowly: "A dog trained for the purpose will carry an article in his mouth until he is commanded to loose it. He will carry it if need be for hours. Will you now tell your dog to drop what he holds?"

Vera Rossakoff stared, turned, and uttered two crisp words.

The great jaws of Cerberus opened. Then, it was really alarming, Cerberus's tongue seemed to drop out of his mouth!

Poirot stepped forward. He picked up a small package encased in pink, spongebag rubber. He unwrapped it. Inside it was a packet of white powder.

"What is it?" the Countess demanded sharply.

Poirot said softly: "Cocaine. Such a small quantity, it would seem – but enough to be worth thousands of pounds to those willing to pay for it. Enough to bring ruin and misery to several hundred people."

She caught her breath. She cried out: "And you think that I – but it is not so! I swear to you it is not so! In the past I have amused myself with the jewels, the bibelots, the little curiosities – it all helps one to live, you understand. And what I feel is, why not? Why should one person own a thing more than another?"

"Just what I feel about dogs," Mr Higgs chimed in.

"You have no sense of right or wrong," said Poirot sadly to the Countess.

She went on: "But drugs – that, no! For there one causes misery, pain, degeneration! I had no idea – no faintest idea – that my so charming, so innocent, so delightful little Hell was being used for that purpose!"

"I agree with you about dope," said Mr Higgs. "Doping of greyhounds – that's dirty, that is! I wouldn't never have nothing to do with anything like that, and I never 'ave 'ad!"