Simon Brett - An Amateur Corpse

‘Hello.’ The name rang a bell. Charles had heard Diccon spoken of as one of the few who made a very good living exclusively from voice-over work.

Diccon looked at him appraisingly. Not rudely, just with great interest, sizing him up professionally. ‘So you’re the guy who got the Mr. Bland campaign.’

“Fraid so,’ said Charles inanely.

‘Oh, don’t apologize. You win some, you lose some.’ So Diccon had been one of his rivals for the job. Intuition told him that he was facing lan Compton’s candidate.

‘Who’s your agent?’ asked Diccon suddenly.

‘Maurice Skellern.’

‘Never heard of him.’ Was there a hint of relief in the voice? ‘You want a specialist voice-over agent if you’re going to get anywhere in this business.’

‘Where’s the old man?’ asked Ian, as Charles ordered a Scotch.

‘Hugo? Oh, he’s… he’ll be along shortly.’ Charles felt it prudent to keep quiet about the scene with Farrow.

It was Diccon’s turn for a sudden question. ‘Do you know Charlotte?’

‘Hugo’s wife? Yes.’

‘How is she?’ The inquiry was poised midway between solicitude and insolence.

‘Fine.’ Not the moment to share her anxieties of the Saturday night. ‘You know her well?’

‘Used to. Before she got married. Drama school together. Used to go around with her.’ There was a shading of sexual bravado in his tone. ‘Quite cut up when she went into the geriatric ward, I was.’

Charles ignored the implied rudeness. ‘But now you’ve managed to forgive Hugo?’

Diccon looked at him very straight. ‘Well, he’s work, isn’t he, love?’

At that moment the subject of their conversation arrived. He was deathly pale. It was impossible to guess at the outcome of his interview with Mr. Farrow. He was in need of a drink. ‘Got a lot of catching up to do. Marcello, vodka and Campari for me, please. And the same again for the others.’

Hugo started drinking as if he were trying to catch up on a whole lifetime. He became very jovial, swapping flip dialogue, scandal and crude anecdotes with the two young men in a way that was jarringly out of character. Charles didn’t like the sight of Hugo being one of the boys. And he didn’t like the way the two young men were responding to it either. Hugo didn’t seem to notice the covert smiles that passed between Ian and Diccon, or the hint of mockery in their tones as they spoke to him. It was not just at home that Hugo had problems.

As the drink got through, he became increasingly like a salesman in a dirty joke. At one point he leaned nudgingly across to Diccon. ‘What do you say to that bit over there? Chick by the wine rack, eh? Lovely pair of tits.’

‘Not bad.’ Diccon gave a superior smile. He knew Hugo was making a fool of himself and was enjoying every minute of it.

‘That’s what women should be like,’ Hugo went on in drunken man-of-the-world style. ‘Nice firm’ little tits. Don’t let ’em have children. Never have children. Not worth the effort. Little buggers don’t give a damn about you and look what they do to their mothers — make ’em bloody sag, ruin their figures, stop ’em being sexy. That’s what women should be about — they’re meant just to give you a bloody good time in bed, that’s all.’

They had reached the coffee stage. Charles looked round desperately for a waiter to come and bring a bill. He couldn’t bear to see Hugo destroying himself much longer.

Diccon Hudson leaned across the table and said to Hugo in a very sincere voice, ‘So 1 take it you and Charlotte won’t be starting a family?’

‘No chance. I’ve been through all that and it doesn’t work.’

So you’ve managed to persuade her to go on the Pill. Funny, she always used to be against the idea.’

Diccon’s ambiguous indiscretion had been quite deliberate, but Hugo didn’t rise to it. ‘Huh,’ he snorted, ‘there are other ways, you know. We didn’t have any Pills in our young days, but we managed, didn’t we Charles? Eh, we managed.’

Charles had had enough of this barrack-room talk. He rose, ‘I’ve got to be going now actually, Hugo.’

‘No, don’t go.’ The appeal was naked, almost terrified. Charles sat down.

They left the Trattoria an interminable half-hour later, just after three. Diccon Hudson (who had drunk Perrier water through the meal) said he had to go off to his next recording session.

‘They keep you busy,’ Charles observed and was rewarded by a complacent smile.

‘Got an evening session tonight, have you, Diccon?’ asked Ian in his usual insolent style.

Diccon coloured. ‘No,’ he said and left without another word.

After Ian Compton had also gone, Charles turned to his friend. ‘Well, Hugo, thanks for the lunch. Look, I’ll no doubt see you tomorrow down in Breckton for this Critics’ — ’

‘Don’t go, Charles. Let’s have another drink. ‘S a little club in Dean Street where I’m a member. C’mon, little quick one.’

The club was a strip joint with gold chairs and a lot of hanging red velvet. A party of Japanese executives and a few morose single men watched a couple of girls playing with each other.

Hugo didn’t seem to notice them. He ordered a bottle of Scotch. The boisterous, vulgar stage of drunkenness was now behind him; he settled down to silent, cold-blooded consumption.

Charles drank sparingly. He had the feeling that Hugo was going to need help before the day was out.

He tried asking what was the matter; he offered help.

‘I don’t want help, Charles, I don’t want talk. I just want you to sit and bloody drink with me, that’s all.’

So they sat and bloody drank. Clients came and went. The girls were replaced by others who went through the same motions.

Eventually, Hugo seemed to relax. His eyelids flickered and his head started to nod. Charles looked at his watch and put his hand on his friend’s arm. ‘Come on, it’s nearly six. Let’s go.’

Hugo was surprisingly docile. He paid the bill (an amount which took Charles’s breath away) without noticing. Out in the street he looked around blearily. “S find a cab, Charles. Get the six-forty-two from Waterloo.’

They were lucky to find one and got to the station in good time. Charles went off to buy a ticket and returned to find Hugo on the platform with a copy of the Evening Standard tucked under his arm. Charles made to move a little further down the platform. ‘No, Charles, here. Right opposite the barrier at Breckton.’

Sure enough, twenty minutes later they got out of the train opposite the ticket collector. Hugo showed his season ticket with an unconscious reflex movement, turned right out of the station and started to walk along a footpath by the railway line. After a few steps he stopped.

‘Come on, Hugo, let’s get back to your place. See Charlotte.’

‘Charlotte.’ There was a deep misery in his echo.

‘Yes, Come on.’

‘No,’ Hugo dithered like a recalcitrant two-year-old. ‘No, let’s go up to the Backstagers and have a drink.’

‘Haven’t we had enough drinks?’ Charles spoke very gently.

‘No, we bloody haven’t! Don’t you try to tell me when I’ve had enough!’ Hugo bunched his fist and took a wild swing. Charles was able to block it harmlessly, but he felt the enormous strength of frustration in the blow.

Hugo went limp. ‘I’m sorry, Charles. I’m sorry. Silly. Come on, come to the Backstagers — just for a quick one. Often go there for a quick one on the way home.’

‘All right. A very quick one.’

In the Back Room bar (manned that evening by Robert Chubb) Hugo recommenced his silent, systematic drinking. Charles, himself no mean performer with a bottle, was amazed at his friend’s capacity. What made it unnerving was the fact that after the outburst by the station, it no longer seemed to have any effect. Hugo spoke with great care, but without slurring. And still the alcohol poured in, as if fuelling some inner fire, which must soon burst out into a terrible conflagration.