Simon Brett - A Comedian Dies

Her voice had entirely lost its elocuted veneer. ‘It’s all right, Miff. I should have told you before. He came sniffing round the house with this murder story, but I thought I’d thrown him off your scent. Now it looks like we’re going to have to keep him quiet.’

She waved the gun vaguely, but not vaguely enough to be reassuring. ‘Now, please, Mrs. Pratt,’ Charles remonstrated.

‘Keep still. I don’t know how he worked it out, Miff, but you must’ve made some mistake, not cleared your tracks properly. What are we going to do with him?’

‘I don’t bloody know.’ The agent sounded extremely confused. He had not started the afternoon with any plans for silencing and disposing of the bodies of men who knew too much and his mind was taking a little while to accommodate the idea.

‘How did you find it out, Mr. Paris?’ asked Carla, the gun still describing unsettling pirouettes in her hand.

‘Various things. I found out that Miffy hadn’t been in your husband’s dressing room during the interval on the day he died. That Dickie Peck was set to steal your husband as a client. And then I. . discovered that you two were lovers. So I put two and two together.’

‘And got bloody seventeen.’ Miffy Turtle was through his confused stage and a definable mood had now emerged. That mood was extreme anger. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. Murder? What is this? Are you rehearsing for a play or something? Or is it some bloody stupid practical joke? ’Cause the humour’s wearing a bit thin and I — ’

Carla silenced him. ‘Miffy, don’t bother. You’re not going to persuade him off it now he’s got the idea into his head. We got to decide what to do with him. If he goes to the police — ’

‘If he goes to the police, they’ll laugh their bloody heads off and tell him not to waste their time. Good God, Carla, d’you really believe I killed Bill?’

‘Well. .’

‘Go on, do you?’

She faced her lover defiantly. ‘All right. Yes, I do. And what’s more, I don’t care. I don’t love you less for it. In fact, I love you more. To think you would do that for me, to think you were prepared to get that little creep out of my life so that we could be together. . I’ll do whatever you say. What are we going to do about him?’ She pointed the gun at Charles.

Miffy was silent. When he spoke, his voice was cold. ‘Listen, Carla. One, I don’t believe Bill was murdered. Two, if he was, I didn’t do it.’

She broke the ensuing silence, but didn’t get far before he snapped back at her savagely. ‘And let me tell you that to hear you thought me capable of murdering him is the worst news I’ve had for some long time. Good God, I thought we knew each other, trusted each other.’

‘But you kept saying you wished he was out of the way. You said you wanted us to get married and — ’

‘Yes, I said that. Whether I still mean it after this afternoon I’m not so sure. But I meant I wanted him to divorce you. I am not a killer, Carla.’

Suddenly she broke. Her lover’s anger destroyed her and she sank weeping to the floor. The gun dropped noisily beside her.

Miffy didn’t go to help. He looked coldly at Charles, who had been ignored through the preceding exchange, and said, with some dignity, ‘I think you’d better leave my office’.

‘No, I’m sorry. I came here certain that you killed Bill Peaky and you still haven’t given me any reason to change my opinion. You certainly had the motive and you had the opportunity. Unless you can provide yourself with an alibi for the whole of the interval, I’m still not going to be satisfied.’

‘All right.’ Miffy Turtle sounded dangerously grim. ‘I took Dickie bloody Peck round to Bill’s dressing room. I then went to find one of the dancers who was ill. She hadn’t appeared in the first-half closer and I wanted to know why. I had money in that show; I was concerned about the production.’

‘The girl was Janine Bentley?’ Charles knew the answer, but still asked the question.

‘Yes. I found her with the theatre St. John’s Ambulance man and stayed with her until a taxi came to take her home.’

So there it was — back to Harry, the St. John’s Ambulance man. Checkable, certainly. But fairly convincing. Unless Janine and Miffy were in league. Unless the St. John’s Ambulance man had killed Peaky. Charles suddenly felt very tired and very much like a man on the eve of his fifty-first birthday. ‘I’ll check your alibi,’ he said defiantly, but without conviction.

‘You bloody check it. And think yourself lucky I haven’t knocked your bloody block off.’

Charles rose with what dignity he could muster. He was almost at the door when Miffy spoke again. His voice had softened now and was musing, curious. ‘Do you really think Bill was murdered?’

Charles nodded.

‘Good God.’ Miffy shook his head sadly. ‘I knew he was unpopular, but I didn’t think anyone. .’ He stopped. ‘Unless. .’

‘Yes?’ Charles was alert for any clues to help him out of the confusion which was building up inside his head.

‘Only one person I know might have done it.’

‘Hmm?’ He tried not to sound too eager.

‘I don’t know. I probably shouldn’t say it, but I did hear him having an argument with Bill. Also he’s a junkie, so I shouldn’t think he knows what he’s doing when he’s had a fix. Hmm. I don’t know.’

‘Who are you talking about?’

‘Boy called Chox Morton. Roadie with Mixed Bathing.’

‘And you say he’s on drugs?’

‘Sure. Silly little bugger. Heroin. He won’t be around two years from now, I bet. Killing himself.’

‘And he had an argument with Bill Peaky?’

‘Yes. Needless to say, he was very secretive about the drugs thing. I found out by accident and he was in a terrible state, making me swear never to tell anyone. He was terrified of being handed over to the police. Not afraid of going to prison or anything like that, just terrified of being taken away from his fix. It didn’t concern me, so I said I’d keep quiet about it. Unfortunately Bill also found out and he was less willing to keep his mouth shut.’

‘He did go to the police?’

‘No, no, that wasn’t Bill’s way. He was a nasty little sod. He liked having power over people. Girls, in particular, but everyone. To have a secret about someone and hold it over them, he liked that. That’s what he would have done with his knowledge of Chox’s addiction.’ Miffy was silent for a moment. ‘However he went, the world’s well rid of him.’

This remark induced a new burst of crying from Carla, still lying on the floor behind the Chesterfield. Miffy looked over in her direction, but did not move. The lovers had a lot of talking to do, if they were to salvage their relationship.

And Charles Paris was going to have to do a lot of thinking.

COMIC: It’s a really rough area — if you see a cat with a tail on round there you know it’s a tourist.

‘Good God, Charles. Every time you ring me up you’ve got a new suspect.’

‘I’ve been through a few since we last spoke.’

‘Well, I hope you’re being a good little amateur detective and checking out all these supposed alibis. Somebody capable of murder is not going to balk at telling the odd lie, to get them off the hook.’

‘From your tone I gather you’ve done Janine’s alibi.’

‘I have actually. I spent a long afternoon on the phone yesterday checking out Harry, the St. John’s Ambulance man in Hunstanton. It took me a long time to find him — I started with the theatre and kept getting new numbers. Tracked him down to his sister’s in Lowestoft where he was having anchovy paste sandwiches with the crusts cut off. Chatty old boy, you may gather. Anyway, he remembered the occasion perfectly and confirmed that Janine had been with him right through the interval. Together with Miffy Turtle.’