David Wishart - Bodies Politic

I shrugged. ‘He has his reasons.’ Well fudged, Corvinus. That’d been close. Crispus knew I wouldn’t lie under oath, but being the product of twenty generations of slippery politicians comes in handy sometimes.

‘All right. What do you want to know?’

‘Anything and everything that they might not want me to, pal. Let’s take Vinicius first.’

‘ Vinicius? ’ His eyes widened. ‘Why’re you interested in him?’

‘You mean I shouldn’t be?’

‘There’s no reason I know of. He’s squeaky-clean. Totally above board. Not a peccadillo out of place.’

‘He isn’t having an affair with Agrippina?’

Crispus laughed. ‘Corvinus! Please! Venus herself could parade past that guy stark naked and making beckoning signs and he wouldn’t look twice. He hasn’t got an adulterous bone in his body. Besides, he can’t stand the woman and it’s mutual.’

Yeah, that’d been Perilla’s assessment too. Still, it was nice to have it confirmed by an expert. ‘And he wouldn’t be interested in, uh, taking over if Gaius left off?’

He gave me a sharp look. ‘That what this is about? Conspiracies? Treason?’

‘Could be,’ I said cautiously. ‘It’s one angle, anyway.’

‘Bloody hell!’ He licked his lips nervously. ‘Look, Marcus -’

‘Gaius’s blessing, remember? What about Livilla?’

‘Forget her too. Thick as two short planks, and not the ambitious type. She’s screwing Annaeus Seneca, mind, but -’

‘Livilla’s having an affair with Seneca?’ I stared at him.

‘Very discreetly. It started a couple of months ago.’

‘Does Vinicius know?’

Crispus chuckled. ‘Not unless they’ve been having it off in the reading room of the Pollio, dear. And even then he probably wouldn’t notice unless they were doing it on top of a book he was using at the time. As a husband he’s an adulterer’s dream.’

Gods! Mind you, I did wonder if Crispus hadn’t got his assessment wrong for once, because Vinicius might be a culture-freak but he wasn’t blind or stupid. And in retrospect that comment he’d made about Circe the enchantress at the poetry reading had been pretty apposite. Maybe he just didn’t care. ‘Okay,’ I said. ‘The big one. Agrippina.’

‘ Oh, now!’ He licked his lips again, but this time not from nervousness: Crispus was the scandal-monger’s scandal-monger, and he was beginning to enjoy himself. As I’d known he would if I could get him going. ‘Where do I start? She has picked up with a lovely young North Italian boy. Quite dewy and virginal. One of the new quaestors. In fact, that’s the reason he is one of the new quaestors.’

‘Gaius Anteius?’

‘You know him?’

‘Yeah, we’ve met.’ Jupiter!

‘ Of course, he’s just a passing interest. I’m not sure if they’re even sleeping together, but the innocent lamb is certainly besotted. And Ahenobarbus is at death’s door anyway, so he’s out of it.’ He hesitated. ‘The really juicy gossip, though – and keep this to yourself, because it’s top-grade and definitely not common knowledge – is that she’s currently consoling the young widower. Aemilius Lepidus.’

‘ What? ’

‘Fact.’ He beamed. ‘His wife so recently dead, too. Quite convenient, that, isn’t it? Mind you, Agrippina never could stand Drusilla, especially since she was Gaius’s favourite sister. But she’s always had a soft spot for Lepidus. Particularly after the emperor fell ill and named Lepidus as his heir.’

My stomach had gone cold. ‘Hang on, pal. That was Gemellus.’

Crispus shook his head. ‘Oh, no. Gemellus was the heir on paper, naturally. But when Gaius fell sick he passed his signet ring to Lepidus and Drusilla.’

Bloody hell! I sat back. ‘You’re sure?’

‘Absolutely certain.’

Oh, joy in the morning!

‘I’ve cracked it,’ I said.

Perilla looked up, startled, from her book. ‘I’m sorry, dear?’

‘The case.’ I set the wine jug and cup on the folding table between us – we were out in the garden again – and dropped into the wicker chair. ‘It’s cracked. Wide open, top to bottom. Lepidus and Agrippina are plotting to replace Gaius.’

‘Oh, Marcus!’ Not a gasp of appalled horror or congratulations, more of a heard-it-all-before sigh. Hell.

‘Come on!’ I said. ‘We knew it had to be something like that. Given the fake Gemellus conspiracy it was obvious. The only question was which of the imperials was responsible.’

‘All right.’ She put the book aside. ‘Why Lepidus and Agrippina? In combination, I mean?’

‘Because they each have something the other needs, and together they fit the bill perfectly. And they’re definitely an item. Crispus was sure about that.’

‘Caelius Crispus is a dirty-minded degenerate muck-raker.’

‘ True. Only he’s a professional dirty-minded -’

‘Marcus. Please.’

‘All I’m saying is he takes a pride in his work, and he’s been living successfully off muck-raking for years. He knows what he’s talking about. And when he’s sure he’s sure. That’s the thing about Crispus: the guy’s hundred-per-cent reliable.’

She sighed again. ‘Very well. Explain.’

‘Fine. We’re assuming Gaius is dead, right?’

‘How does he get that way?’

I frowned. ‘They kill him, of course. Jupiter!’

‘ Marcus, it is not easy to kill an emperor. You have to be very sure he doesn’t suspect you in advance, you have to be certain that no one can stop you doing it when it happens, and assuming you do succeed you have to know that you’re safe and will profit from the crime. Unless you can tick all these boxes you’re a fool to try. You think Agrippina and Lepidus are fools? Agrippina especially? Or perhaps Gaius himself is?’

‘Ah…no, but -’

‘There you are, then. So I’ll ask you again: how do they kill Gaius?’

Gods! ‘Come on, lady!’ I said. ‘I don’t know! That’s a detail! Just give me a chance, okay?’

She sniffed. ‘Very well, dear. Carry on. We’ll assume that the emperor is dead.’

‘Thank you.’ I took a swig of the wine. ‘Right, then. Let’s take Lepidus first. There’s no direct heir, so with his family and imperial connections he has as good a claim as any, and better than most. Plus Gaius has already designated him as his successor.’

She looked startled. ‘ What? ’

‘Yeah,’ I said smugly. ‘That was something else Crispus told me. When the emperor was ill he handed his ring to him and Drusilla. In front of witnesses.’’

‘Wait a moment.’ She was twisting her hair: a good sign because it showed she was moving onto the defensive. ‘Drusilla was Gaius’s favourite sister, yes?’

‘So?’

‘But, Marcus, surely that makes all the difference! Gaius wasn’t appointing Lepidus as his successor because he was Lepidus, only because he was Drusilla’s husband. And now Drusilla’s dead that connection’s gone. Don’t you think that would weaken his claim just a little now?’

‘That’s the nub of the thing. I told you, lady: give me a chance. It all works out, believe me.’

‘Very well. You still have the floor.’

I topped up my winecup. ‘So. To sum up for Lepidus. He’s from a good family with imperial ties that go back to Augustus, he’s already been marked de facto as a successor, and as far as the senate is concerned – and they’re the ones who’ll be making the choice of emperor – the only other candidates with a claim to the job are Marcus Vinicius, who’s a political non-starter, and Claudius, who’s an idiot. The drawback – the only one – is that with Drusilla dead he has no direct link with the imperial family any more.’

‘ Oh, Marcus!’ A different Oh, Marcus! this time. She was beginning to see where I was heading.