Alys Clare: The Joys of My Life

‘Aye.’ For a wonderful moment, Josse wondered if Ninian was bringing up the subject of his fatherless state because he envisaged Josse in that role.

‘I found out something,’ the boy said. ‘When I was ten, Sir Walter took me and lots of the other boys to a melee. It was really exciting. We watched heaps of mock battles and there was this one knight who was so good he- But that’s not important.’ He paused, taking a steadying breath. ‘There were some great names at the tournament and Sir Walter had to have us drilled and coached so that we did not let him down in front of the lords and ladies. Anyway, this old couple were watching the fighting from a box up in the stands and they kept staring at me. The woman was muttering to her ladies, and other people were looking too. I didn’t like it and I slipped away on a pretend errand, only then I thought I’d really like to know why they were so interested in me, so I crept round behind their box and listened.’ His face was red and he did not meet Josse’s eyes.

‘The old man had gone back to watching the sport, but the lady and her women were still muttering, and one of them said something about fun and games and pretty girls slipped into chambers to warm the beds. I didn’t understand — then — and I thought they meant servants with warming pans. Then the old woman said, “I asked and he was ten last September, so he’d have been got that Christmas at Windsor,” and she mentioned something about fine new apartments and enough room for lots of women, and she talked about people called Bellebelle and Rosamund.’

Josse had heard the tale before. Lost in the past, he saw Joanna, her face as scarlet as her son’s was now as she confessed her shame and humiliation.

‘Then — ’ Ninian’s voice was sharp with anguish and Josse was jerked back to the present — ‘then she said, “The lad’s got the look all right and those eyes are unmistakeable.”’ He put his hands over his face.

Josse said carefully after a moment, ‘Did you know what she meant?’

‘I guessed she was referring to me, but I didn’t understand the rest. Some of the older boys must have heard the rumours because that night they cornered me in the stables and pulled off my hat so they could look at me. They made me stare at them and they started jeering and saying I was a nobody and blue eyes didn’t make me a… didn’t prove anything. I got really angry and I threw off the boy who was holding me down. Then I grabbed a pitchfork and swung it at him and the others, and I hit one and made a big cut over his eye. One of them said I had the temper to go with the eyes, and then one of the squires heard the rumpus and came out and we all got a beating.’ He had removed his hands and was sitting up straight, shoulders squared. ‘I fought them off, Josse, and they didn’t taunt me any more. One of them who was nicer than the rest explained.’

‘You know, then?’ Josse asked gently.

Ninian turned to look at him. ‘Yes, Josse, I know.’

‘Don’t think ill of your mother,’ Josse urged. ‘She was young and inexperienced, and her cousin manipulated her and made it happen.’

Ninian’s clear eyes showed no shadow of doubt. ‘Yes, I understand that. The squire who sought me out to tell me explained what it was like back in those days.’ Then, curiosity in his voice, ‘How did you know?’

‘Your mother told me.’ For a precious moment he gave the lovely memory full rein. Then, carefully storing it away again, he added, ‘I’ve known since the three of us were together in the house in the woods, all those years ago.’

‘You never told anyone?’

‘I told Abbess Helewise of Hawkenlye but nobody else. As for your mother, I understand she told just one other person. It was her secret, Ninian, and now it’s yours.’

Slowly he nodded. Then, his voice so tentative that it made Josse’s heart ache, he said, ‘Do you think he knew too?’

Josse had to think for a moment. ‘King Richard, you mean?’

‘Yes.’

Did he? Josse wondered. Apart from his understandable wish to rout out the evil things that were being done on his mother’s island, had the king found out the identity of one of the knights’ intended victims? Had his fear for the boy urged him on in that dash across Oleron, that furious attack on the tower at World’s End?

Perhaps. It would be typical of Richard to adopt a cause for a sentimental reason and pursue it as vigorously as only he knew how. On the other hand, he was not renowned for acts of kindness for his full siblings, so was it likely he would have fought so hard for a half-brother? Then again, King Richard’s full brothers were in the habit of conspiring against him, whereas Ninian was not. Perhaps…

‘I don’t know, lad.’

Ninian nodded. ‘Well, you weren’t there,’ he said fairly. ‘I think-’ He stopped, reddening again.

‘Go on. What do you think?’

He raised his head proudly. ‘I think he did know that we shared a father. He took such care of me, Josse. Sir Piers was going to take me on the horse he’d grabbed, but the king wouldn’t let him. He said I’d be safer with him. It was stormy that night and the wind was howling, and the knights were yelling and I was really scared, but I thought I heard him say something about brothers sticking together.’ He raised his chin as if defying Josse to contradict.

In that moment he looked so like Henry II of England that it was unmistakeable. If he had cause to adopt that particular expression that night, Josse thought, then King Richard would have known the truth in that instant even if he had not done so before.

Did it matter? he asked himself. If it helped a grieving boy to get over a terrible period in his life, then would it hurt to let him believe that his royal kinsman had deliberately set out to save his young half-brother’s life? It might well be the truth, in any case..

‘Then,’ he said, reaching out to put an arm round the boy’s shoulders, ‘you’re probably right and he did know.’ Smiling, trying to lighten the intense mood, he said, ‘Lucky for you, young Ninian, that he was there.’

With that the matter was settled. He and Ninian exchanged a deep look, as if sealing a bargain. And he knew that neither of them would refer to it again.

When it was fully dark, Ninian saddled the horses and they rode down to the shore. The seaman with whom Josse had negotiated their passage was waiting, and he and two of his hands helped Ninian settle the horses in the hold. Josse took their packs and went up on deck, where he found a spot up in the stern for himself and Ninian. It was a warm night and a light wind blew steadily from the south-west. The crossing ought to be relatively smooth.

Ninian came up to join him and they leaned on the rail watching the sailors as they prepared to haul in the gangplank and the heavy ropes that had tethered the boat to the quay. They appeared to be waiting for something, and presently some more passengers came hurrying along the shore: a young man and a woman, each carrying a baby. Twins, Josse thought, as the couple came into the circle of light cast by the ship’s lanterns. No wonder the parents look so exhausted. Hoping that the babies would not cry all night and keep him awake, he turned to watch the captain organize the departure.

Before Josse could even try to go to sleep, there was something he had to do. It was strange; he had known for a long time that he could not avoid this obligation, but there had never seemed any urgency to get it done. Until now when, settling down with Ninian beside him as the ship swiftly left the land behind and, sails billowing, set out into the open sea, suddenly he knew the moment was right.

‘Ninian, lad,’ he began, ‘we were talking earlier today about that time when you and your mother and I were together in the house in the woods.’