Alys Clare - The Joys of My Life

‘The important thing is that Meggie is safe with you,’ she said, and instantly saw from the sudden lightening of his expression that it was exactly the right thing.

‘Aye, so she is,’ he murmured. Then, with a quick smile, he held out his hand to Meggie, trotting back from the stables, and the two of them set off for the forest.

Watching them, Helewise realized that she hadn’t had a chance to tell him about the wounded man in the infirmary. She would make sure to do so when they came back.

Josse and Meggie walked slowly down the forest tracks until they reached the clearing between the ancient, majestic oaks where Josse had encountered the forest people before. In the middle, standing quite still in a pool of sunlight as if she was waiting for him, was the Domina.

Meggie gave a cry of delight and ran up to her and the old woman’s severe expression relaxed into a smile. She bent down, hugged Meggie and whispered something. Meggie nodded vigorously and said, ‘Yes, yes, I am, thank you, lady.’

‘I asked her,’ the Domina said, straightening up as Josse approached, ‘if she is well and happy, and you heard the answer.’ She stared down at the child. ‘Indeed, I did not need to ask,’ she murmured, ‘for it is plain to see.’

Angry at what he read as a suggestion that his child might not be properly cared for by her own father, Josse said coldly, ‘She is my daughter and I love her. I would not leave her unattended in a courtyard and trust that no harm would come to her.’

‘We knew she was safe,’ the Domina replied mildly. ‘The abbess’s daughter-in-law was within; her own child was playing with Meggie.’

‘Why is she here?’ Josse demanded, in no way mollified by the Domina’s reasonable answer. ‘Why did Joanna send her home to me? I was in Chartres — I saw Joanna — ’ or at least, he thought, I believe I did — ‘and she could have handed Meggie over to me then!’

The Domina regarded him steadily for some moments, Meggie, bored by the grown-up talk, had wandered away and was struggling to get up on to the branch of a birch tree. When the Domina finally spoke, it was not in answer to Josse’s question. ‘The spirit that has nurtured the world since its creation is retreating, Josse,’ she said. ‘Have you not perceived this? Men think with their heads and not their hearts, and they value material things to the exclusion of almost everything else. They build higher and more magnificently and say it is to the glory of God, but is it not rather to the glory of those who pay? Their great constructions shout out, “We have wealth,” not, “We believe,” and such a sentiment is not prompted by true faith.’

‘I…’ Josse was unsure how to reply. ‘Joanna said they — you — have to protect something at Chartres that is threatened. Is that what you mean?’

‘Yes. The spot where the cathedral stands in the Shining City was sacred to us long before the new religion spread from the East. We are and have always been willing to share it, for we understand that the priests are also profoundly moved by its power. They, however, seek to exclude us, and now it is only by acting furtively that we have any hope of adding our own contribution to this precious place. We will not be ignored, Josse; we also have something to offer.’

Rarely for the Domina, her emotion was showing on her face; Josse saw a definite flush spread over the pale cheeks. He gave her a chance to recover, then said, ‘Joanna implied something of the sort. She.. I know she is powerful now, and I thought she meant that she and others of your people would…’ He did not know how to express it. ‘Well, that you’d leave something of your power there in the cathedral. There’s that maze thing — I wondered maybe if that would be a sort of focus for you.’

The Domina nodded. ‘Yes, it is an ancient symbol and the priests do not truly understand it. They are laying down the labyrinth because we have put it into their minds to do so, and they will accept our gift of the sacred plaque that is to be placed at the heart of the maze. They believe — ’ there was a trace of scorn in her voice — ‘that the labyrinth is simply a symbol of the journey to their holy city. It is that, it’s true, but the labyrinth exists also on other levels that are far more profound. But,’ she added conclusively, ‘there is no need for any except us to know it.’

‘So Joanna is there adding her contribution,’ Josse said, returning to things closer to his understanding, ‘and when she has done so, she will come back.’ The Domina did not reply. ‘She’ll be back?’ Josse spoke louder and turned the words into a question.

Still the Domina did not at first reply. Then, chillingly, she said, ‘Something of her will return. As for Joanna herself, perhaps.’

Fear clutched Josse’s heart in a cold grip. ‘What do you mean?’ he whispered. ‘She must come back — her life is here. Her child is here.’ I am here, he might have added.

The Domina stared at him and he thought he saw sympathy in her deep eyes. ‘You love her, Josse, even though you do not begin to comprehend what she is. She in her turn loves you, although at present the task before her is so great that there is room in her heart and her mind for little else.’

‘But-’

She raised an imperious hand and stilled the protest. ‘This is what she was born for,’ she said. ‘Her birth was predicted, for her mother saw the future with unusual clarity and did what was necessary to protect the Great Spirit who inspires we who follow the old ways. Her mother gave up her bodily existence to ensure Joanna’s survival. Joanna herself may have to make the same sacrifice.’

‘Give up her bodily existence?’ he echoed in a horrified whisper. ‘What does that mean? She’ll die, like Mag Hobson did?’

The Domina sighed. ‘It is hard to explain, for you do not see very far into our world,’ she murmured. ‘Joanna’s mother — the woman you knew as Mag Hobson — is dead to the physical world, it is true, yet the elders of my people experience her in a different realm. It is this realm to which Joanna may progress if-’ She stopped. Then, in a whisper, ‘If it proves necessary.’

In that terrible moment Josse could only think of losing her. His mouth suddenly dry, he said, ‘Will I see her again? Will I be able to enter this different realm of yours?’

Compassion flooded the Domina’s old face. She said gently, ‘You may, Josse. You may.’

‘And Meggie?’

‘Oh, don’t worry about her.’ The Domina glanced across at Meggie in her birch tree and her expression softened. ‘Meggie is extraordinary. She can see and speak to her mother whenever she wishes to. Listen.’

Josse did so and presently he heard the sound of Meggie’s light voice deep in conversation with an invisible companion. ‘That’s…? She’s talking to Joanna?’

‘Yes, I expect so,’ agreed the Domina.

Josse edged closer to Meggie and listened. ‘… and Josse’s house is really lovely because I have my own bed in my own room and, although I like our little hut in the forest too, I like being with Josse and I love the baby — he’s so sweet — and sometimes I…’

Josse had heard enough. Reeling, he turned back to the Domina.

But she had gone.

It was not easy to bring himself under control after such a succession of shocks, but Josse knew that for Meggie’s sake he must act normally and not show his dreadful fear. Swinging her down from her birch tree, he said brightly, ‘Come on, little one, the Domina’s gone now and it’s time to go back to the abbey.’

Meggie took his hand and they set off down the track. ‘She’s gone to find the others,’ Meggie said. ‘They’re all a bit worried because of what’s happening in the big new building and they need to reassure each other that it’ll be all right.’