Gregory House - The Queen's Oranges

Albrecht opened the bill, scanning it rapidly, and his eyes widened at Ned’s clever revaluing of the exemption. His daemon snickered at this. Even the most innocent apprentice lawyer at the Inns knew the skim on bribes was ten percent.

“Albrecht, my honoured master always said sharing a harvest’s bounty gains you friends, stealing the seed grain brings a crop of enemies.” Ned walked over and gave the merchant’s shoulders a friendly squeeze and buffet.

The Hanse gave out his best ‘well met’ hearty laugh and exchanged a firm clasp, though his glance kept on straying back to the open money box.

With one hand on the Hanse’s’ shoulder, Ned turned and called out. “Tam Bourke, inside if you please.”

The retainer must have been just outside the door for all it took was an instant before he was standing beside Ned. “Tam, could you carry this chest for our friend and arrange for an escort back to the Steelyards?”

The large figure of Gryne’s retainer gave respectful salute before following Ned’s instruction.

Albrecht’s jaw dropped in amazement. “You’re…you’re still giving me the gold?”

Ned gave his most winning smile. “Why of course. Its still fair value for the partnership and the vessel. My lord and master expects to make several times that paltry sum from this and our next venture.”

Albrecht went through a mystical transformation. He didn’t have to act out his amazement as he watched with open rapture, the closed chest being lifted by the retainer. “Edward Bedwell, you’re a true friend and gentleman!” The Hanse grabbed Ned’s hand once more, and pumped it for all he was worth before heading for the door.

“Ahh one moment Albrecht, I would like to beg a final indulgence of you?” The Hanse paused on the heels of Tam who was just about to open the door and turned around beaming.

“Anything, Meister Bedwell, I mean Ned, anything at all.” It was an eager reply from a very happy merchant, the fellow had saved his contraband and lost a Meg Black shaped encumbrance as well as gaining a chest of gold and the pledged support of a rising star at court. Life didn’t get any better.

Ned standing by the table had opened the pistols case and removed one of the pair. “I say Albrecht, these pistols, they’re not consigned to any one are they? It’s very fine work indeed, Augsburg from what I’ve been told.”

Albrecht’s eyelids flickered slightly at the request but he recovered instantly and gave another short bow. “Ned, it would honour me if you would accept them as a gift-the first fruits of our association.”

Ned inclined his head in receipt of the ‘gift’. Damn but Albrecht was good, though perhaps not as skilled at the cony-catching game as he thought. Ned made some play with the pistol as if with a new toy. Albrecht paused in his departure assuming the demeanour of an indulgent uncle at Yuletide.

Tam seemed to be having trouble with both the door and the chest, so he passed across the gold to its grateful new owner. Albrecht took a few steps back into the centre of the room to give Tam more space in which to unjam the door.

“Many thanks Albrecht. These are amazing devices of war, so light and well balanced. I’ve heard stories that at close range they can punch through armour and put a hole in a man the size of a fist.” Ned pulled the other one out of the box, while Albrecht continued with his best doting smile.

He kept on smiling right up until Ned swung both pistols towards him. “Oh Ned, have a care lad. Ahh, I believe you on their balance, they are truly elegant and deserving of a gentleman of standing such as yourself. Ahh could you pleaze point them elsewhere?” Albrecht, his hands full, took a step backwards away from the ominous barrels.

Ned smiled at the question, but it was not the pleasant, happy grin as of a young boy with a present. It was far more reminiscent of the toothy welcome of a shark regarding its dinner. The barrels continued their advance and pressed into Albrecht’s well padded brocade doublet.

The Hanse’s smile slipped in puzzlement and his English acquired more of the German drawl. “Pleazezir, it is an amuzing joke no. I must insist, zey may be dangerous!”

Ned twitched an eyebrow in response and pulled the left hand one away, directing it towards the vacant bunk. “Why Albrecht, don’t be so concerned. It is only a threat if the spring is wound and the pistol loaded.” Ned’s finger squeezed the trigger and set the wheel spinning. The room was convulsed by a load roar and a chunk of timber splintered from the bunk frame.

Choking smoke filled the room and the Hanse merchant fell back against the wall with a cry of fright, hugging the iron box to his chest. “MeinGott! Meister Bedwell!”

“Well, what do you know? It is loaded-how convenient!” The last part was a snarl as Ned drove the pistol muzzle into the merchant’s paunch.

Albrecht would have crawled out of his doublet to get away from the grinning fiend with the menacing weapon but he had nowhere to go. Dropping the money box may have helped, but then maybe not.

Ned half turned his head while keeping the merchant pinned and called out. “Tam!” The retainer gave up his faked struggle, dropped the wedge in the door and obligingly began to reload.

The Hanse in the meantime was shivering with shock and fright and licked his lips nervously. “Meister Ned, what iz the meaning of zith outrage?”

He had tried for masterful authority, but instead it squeaked in trembling falsetto. A suddenly dry throat can do that to a man. Albrecht could have tried appealing to the mercenary now pouring in the powder. However one glance in that direction and he gave this up as entirely futile. All that showed on Tam’s face was amused disdain.

Ned continued to thrust the barrel of the pistol into the stomach of his guest and resumed a normal tone of conversation. “Y’ know Albrecht, yesterday I asked myself, what lengths would I go to protect the lives of my friends? And as for the answer, well it shocked me! I’d have cut off Somersby’s ears and slit his nose without flinching, probably even gouged out an eyeball or two. I ask you, is that the act of a good Christian?”

Albrecht tried to stammer out a reply, but the second now-loaded pistol returned to Ned’s hand.

“It surprised me how easy it was. Once a man started the bloody work and mastered the struggle with temptation, the difficult part was stopping with just a little pain.” The second pistol dropped into place, pointing between the merchant’s eyes at maybe a foot’s distance.

“Now Somersby was only a minor inconvenience, nothing personal, a matter of business.” Ned took a deep breath and lined up the barrel and pulled the trigger. It set the wheel lock spinning. “However a traitor who sells out his dearest friends and connives at the death of his partner, now Albrecht, that’s personal!”

The pistol roared, and the planking immediately next to the merchant’s ear shattered, showering the Hanse merchant’s face with splinters and tearing off half one earlobe. Ned exchanged pistols with Tam and once more took aim.

Albrecht had dropped the cradled chest to the floor with a crash and slapped a hand over the flow of blood. His eyes were very wide, tracking the wavering tip of the primed pistol. His face was blanched white, highlighting the smatter of ragged red splinters. He was trying to speak but only a low stuttered moan came out.

“Nicely balanced, as I said.” Satisfied with his practice, Ned aimed and fired again. They were beautiful examples of the gunsmith’s craft and Augsburg had the highest reputation for quality in modern armaments. This pair would have been proofed at five paces to punch through Almain Rivet armour, and only the best quality springs were used, each double hardened and tempered, whatever that meant, though Rob had sounded impressed when he’d examined them. The only draw back was that sometimes the pan cover didn’t slide out of the way correctly or some burnt powder clogged the priming vent, and as in this case the pistol misfired. No matter-it still had the desired effect. Albrecht screamed and huddled closer to the wall.