Kate Sedley: The Hanged Man

Margaret looked up from her chopping and gave me a smile. 'You're beginning to get the colour back in your cheeks at last, what I can see of them under that beard.'

'It's coming off tomorrow,' I promised. I shifted uneasily on my stool, rightly foreseeing that my next words might cause trouble. 'And then I must be off, to Wells, if I can make it,' I added, coming to a sudden decision. 'It was where I was heading when I lost my way, coming up from Salisbury. It's my birthplace. I was hoping to renew some old acquaintance of my mother’s and find a berth for the winter.'

The consternation on both their faces was writ large.

'But you can't think of walking twenty miles or more in your condition,' Margaret protested angrily. 'I've never heard such foolishness!'

'You have a place to stay. Here!' Lillis wailed. 'You can't desert us, not after all we've done for you!' But this remark only diverted her mother's wrath on to Lillis's own head. 'What we've done, we've done because it was our Christian duty, my girl, and don't you forget it! It's not a weapon to force Roger's hand and make him do something he doesn't wish to.' Margaret turned back to me. 'Take no notice of her, lad. Never consider yourself beholden to us for a minute. I'm only thinking of your health, although I don't deny we'd both be glad of your company if you changed your mind and decided to stay.

It's lonely, just the two of us, these long, dark nights.' Lillis nodded agreement. 'Especially since Grandfather died and there's been all the whispering behind our backs. And sometimes people pass remarks openly within our hearing. As though what happened was our fault, or had anything to do with us! We're just as ignorant of the truth as the rest of them.' She caught Margaret's eye and added impatiently: 'He's going to hear the story sooner or later, Mother, if he stops, So he might as well hear it from us and not just anyone. At least what we tell him will be fact and not just rumour.' She laughed triumphantly. 'Look! I've aroused his interest, you can see it in his face.

Who knows,' Lillis went on mockingly, 'Roger might even be able to resolve the mystery for us!'

At Lillis's last words, I felt again that mounting sense of excitement blended with resentment which I had experienced twice before, on the two previous occasions when I had been sure that God was using me as His instrument of retribution. When I had discarded the religious life, some three years earlier and against my dead mother's wishes, to gain my independence on the open road, it had not occurred to me that God might demand some return for the loss of my poor services. But He had given me a cool-thinking brain and a sharp eye for detail, which, allied with a tender conscience, had twice now caused me Io turn aside from my own affairs and resolve those of others. And here I was, once more the recipient of an obvious cry for help by two women who had made me their debtor. For although Margaret Walker immediately distanced herself from her daughter's suggestions, her need for a sympathetic listener with whom to share whatever trouble she had was plain for me to see.

In a last, desperate bid for freedom, I said, 'It isn't fit that two women should be sharing their cottage with a strange man, a single room housing the three of us. You'll find yourselves the subject of gossip, and I should be loath to have that laid at my door.'

Margaret paused in her vegetable chopping and glanced up with a derisive smile. 'Lad, I'm old enough to be your mother and, furthermore, I'm a respectable widow. So why should I not have the benefit of your intention to take permanent lodgings for the winter, rather than some woman in Wells? Surely I'm as deserving of your money as she is? And, as you know, there is an outside privy, and a curtain which we can pull to divide the room in two when privacy is needed indoors. As soon as you are fit again, you can as easily ply your trade around Bristol as Wells, and more than likely, the pickings will be better.

However, if you're determined to go, I can't stop you, but only wish you Godspeed.'

Her arguments were irrefutable, and my heart sank while she made them, for there was no escaping the fact that I owed her and Lillis more than I could adequately repay. At the same time, I felt that quickening of interest which Lillis's words had aroused, and could almost see the end of my nose quivering with anticipation, like a dog scenting a buried bone. My mother always complained of my insatiable curiosity, and my inability to keep that same nose out of other people's business, prophesying that it would do me no good.

'Very well,' I capitulated, 'I'll stay with you until spring if you'll have me. But you must accept payment for the past fortnight's lodging, and I'll not take no for an answer. I've sufficient money to support myself for several weeks, although some I must necessarily keep back to replenish my pack, which I can do easily enough from the cargo ships which tie up here at Redcliffe Wharf. On that condition, I'll stop.'

Although neither woman's face displayed the slightest sign of triumph, I could sense the relief in both of them; an easing of the tense lines around the mouth and a lightening of the brow.

'Tomorrow, I'll borrow a truckle bed from Nick Brimble,' Margaret said, plying her knife again and tossing chopped leek and turnip into the iron pot, where the water was beginning to bubble gently in the fire's heat.

I nodded, bowing to the inevitable. 'And this story you were going to tell me about your father?' I asked. I saw Margaret's lips tighten and added, 'Lillis is right. If I'm Io live with you, it's as well I should know of any trouble. Others will make it their business to see that I do, even if you keep me in ignorance.'

'There you are, Mother!' Lillis gave me a blinding smile. 'Roger agrees with me, and it's only fair he should know what happened.'

Margaret hesitated before nodding a reluctant agreement. 'But we'll eat first. After supper, we can be cosy by the fire and no one likely to disturb us. There's a cutting wind blowing off the river and an icy sleet. Not a night for anyone to be about.' I wondered if she were thinking, as I was, of that mysterious nocturnal visit she had received so recently, but she gave no sign of unease.

'There, that's the last of the vegetables. The stew shouldn't take long now.'

The meal had been eaten and cleared away. The shutters were fastened against the unfriendly night, and the three of us drew close to the fire, whose fierce blaze had been banked down with turfs cut from neighbouring fields and sold from door to door by the turfer, who had called that same morning. At the time I had reflected, somewhat sententiously, how much city-dwellers had done for them which country folk had to do for themselves. Mistress Walker had no stock-cupboard worth mentioning, not even for the winter months, but went daily to the market for whatever was needful in the way of food. Her other wants were supplied by pedlars coming to the door; and when I asked what happened when heavy snowfalls or floods kept suppliers from reaching the city, I was told that the castle or the abbey or any of the many wealthy houses would hand out dried fish or grain. No one starved, although many might go hungry, in bad weather.

Lillis had brought my mattress as near to the hearth as she dared, and was curled up on it, more like a cat than ever. Margaret Walker and I sat on the two stools, supporting our backs when necessary against the table edge, but for the most part leaning towards the glowing warmth of the fire. Outside, the day's noise and bustle had dwindled to an occasional shout, a dog's bark and the distant call of the Watch as it patrolled the icy streets. Now and then, a bitter draught penetrated the smoke-blackened hole in the roof, bringing with it a spatter of rain, but we merely huddled closer to the heat.