Alys Clare - Ashes of the Elements

He still felt a little dizzy, especially if he moved his head too quickly. Whatever that woman had been burning on her fire last night, its effects were long lasting.

Turning briefly to check for the tenth time that the Abbess was still keeping up, he let his thoughts go back to the incredible events in which the two of them had just been involved. From which — and this seemed a cause for heartfelt gratitude and thankfulness — they had just escaped.

No. That was wrong. It should be, from which they had just been permitted to escape.

Dear God, but that had been a worrying moment, back there by the stream! By ancient law, you should be put to death, she’d said. How would she have done it? Spear in the back, like poor Hamm Robinson? Hardly, when he and the Abbess had been standing there in front of her — you could scarcely hurl a spear at someone not a yard away. Garrotte, perhaps? A quick loop round the throat, a swift twist, and death from a broken neck? Or a dagger to the windpipe? One neat, deep cut, then oblivion?

With an effort, he made himself stop his ghoulish train of thought.

We know now what Caliste’s connection with the forest is, he mused instead. Her twin lives still with the Wild People, and, given the renowned closeness of twins, she was probably picking up emotions of some sort from her sister. Emotions, perhaps, heightened by the rituals which Selene was undergoing.

Yes. What was more natural than that Caliste would want to be with Selene? Offer her support, perhaps, her encouragement. Give the girl comfort, even. After all, had Caliste been born first instead of Selene, it might have been her out there in the glade. Given all that, the theory certainly seemed likely.

He and the Abbess would, though, never know for sure. Unless the Abbess was able to get it out of Caliste. And, somehow, he couldn’t picture her trying all that hard.

The Forest People killed Hamm Robinson, for their own good reasons. That, Josse knew, was a crime that would never officially be ‘solved’; the perpetrator would escape justice. Would escape Outworld justice, he corrected himself, which was rather different. To say that whoever had flung that spear at Hamm Robinson should himself be executed was, from the Forest People’s point of view, like suggesting every hangman in England was guilty of murder.

Ah, well.

He glanced round to look at the Abbess again. Still marching along, face set. Not far to go now, thank heaven.

He was just beginning to relax, to enjoy the picture of a good dinner and a mug or two of wine which he was conjuring up, when his peace was shattered by an unwelcome thought.

The Domina said they did not kill Ewen Asher.

Josse had already known that, although it would have been a pleasant surprise if she had confessed to it after all.

But she hadn’t.

With a faint sigh, he hefted his pack higher up on his shoulders. Tired though he was, there would be more work ahead when he and the Abbess reached Hawkenlye.

This appalling business wasn’t over yet.

Raising her head to return the greetings of those eagerly awaiting them at Hawkenlye Abbey, Helewise noticed that, standing at the back of the little clutch of anxious nuns, was Caliste.

Oh, child, I must speak to you! Helewise thought, giving the girl a quick smile.

‘Abbess dear, your forehead !’ Sister Euphemia was crying, trying simultaneously to wring her hands and put out an exploratory finger to touch the wound. ‘That dressing looks filthy! You must come with me at once, and I will see to you!’

‘Sister Euphemia, I thank you, but-’

‘Abbess! Oh, Abbess, a night spent in the woods, and no proper, hot food inside you all that time!’ Sister Basilia moaned, taking hold of Helewise’s sleeve in a firm grip as if she would drag her bodily over to the refectory and stuff her with simmering stew and good new bread.

‘Abbess, I wish audience with you,’ Sister Emanuel’s quiet voice said in Helewise’s left ear. ‘A matter of urgency-’

‘Please!’ Helewise burst out, drowning the clamour. ‘Sisters, thank you for your welcome and for your concern. You cannot know how it gladdens my heart to be among you again, and, in due course, we shall all go to pray, to give thanks to the Lord for His care. Now, then.’ She turned to them one by one. ‘Sister Euphemia, my wound was tended adequately by Sir Josse, and the pain is not great. I will, I promise, present myself at the infirmary and ask for your ministrations, just as soon as I am able. Sister Basilia, both Sir Josse and I would benefit from a hot meal; will you please take Sir Josse to the refectory straight away? I will join you in a little while. Sister Emanuel, what…’

But Sister Emanuel had silently slipped away.

Making a mental note to seek her out as soon as she was free, Helewise caught Sister Caliste’s eye and, with an all but imperceptible gesture, indicated that the girl should follow her.

Then, with a good deal of relief, she extracted herself from her fussing, well-meaning nuns and fled for the privacy of her own little room.

* * *

When she and Caliste were safely behind the closed door, Helewise said without preamble, ‘I have seen your sister. She is well, and she is pregnant.’

Sister Caliste’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘Abbess, I am so sorry!’ she said from behind it.

‘Sorry?’ Helewise sank down in her chair. ‘For what, Sister?’

‘What must you think of it all!’ Caliste cried. ‘And Selene is my sister, my own flesh and blood!’

Helewise thought for a moment. Then: ‘Caliste, we do not choose the family into which we are born. Whoever they are, of whatever station in life, indeed, of what faith, is not within our power to control. What we do have to do, however, is to make our own choices, guided by our heavenly Father and in the hope that we do what is right.’ She paused. ‘Your sister has, through no fault of her own, lived her life in a society whose standards are very different from our own, and whose people have not had the benefit of God’s holy light.’

In a sudden flash, she was back in the forest. And the age-old wisdom — the feminine wisdom — in the Domina’s intelligent eyes seemed once more to flood through her.

She did not live with the blessings of God’s holy light. And yet …

I am back in my Abbey now, she told herself — told the Domina — firmly. Things are not the same, here.

Sister Caliste was waiting patiently for her to go on, but she seemed to have lost her thread.

She smiled feebly at the girl. ‘All is well,’ she said.

‘Oh!’ Caliste looked surprised, as if she had expected more. After a moment, she said, ‘Abbess, I shall not see Selene again.’

‘You cannot be sure,’ Helewise said gently. It seemed a hard thing for a young girl to accept. ‘After all, the Great Forest is but a step away!’

‘Yes, but it extends across hundreds of miles,’ Caliste said, ‘and the Wild People roam its entire length and breadth.’

‘Nevertheless-’ Helewise began.

‘Abbess, forgive me for interrupting you, but it is not that.’ Caliste’s smooth brow wrinkled in a frown. ‘How to explain?’ she muttered. Then: ‘You said before that I should wait a while before taking my final vows,’ she went on.

‘I did,’ Helewise agreed. ‘I wondered if you were entirely sure you knew what you were doing.’

Caliste smiled. ‘You were right, Abbess Helewise. I thought I was, but that’s not good enough, is it?’

‘No.’

‘But it’s different now.’ The girl’s face grew serious, earnest. ‘It’s as if — that is, I think-’ She paused, collected herself and said, ‘I was worried about Selene. It felt as if a part of me was being drawn out of me and away into the forest, to share in what she was doing. That’s why I went off to look for her that day, because I needed to see her. Oh, we were only together for a moment — it took a very long time to find her, even though she was actually looking for me, too — but it was enough. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going, only that old dear, Hilde, in the infirmary, and I thought I could slip out and be back again before anyone noticed I was gone. I felt she needed me, you see. Selene, I mean. I felt that she was apprehensive.’