Marilyn Todd: Man Eater

Just because the bones of your ancestors lie in the tombs of the Pharaohs, don’t think you can put on airs and graces with me.

‘Sulk all you like, but we both know that one sniff of a sardine and you’ll be over this sill like a shot.’ Whose was that silly, reedy voice? ‘And remember, it’s not my fault you used up four of your lives in one go.’

What was that? It sounded like a soft scuffle. There it was again. Claudia’s breath came out in a rush. ‘Drusilla?’

Tossing the bedspread aside, she picked up her skirts and raced across the room. Although the grey light of dawn was growing paler by the minute, it was nowhere near sufficient and Claudia cursed the upended brazier as bronze collided with shinbone. It was only because she was swearing and hobbling and bleeding and hurting all at the same time that she didn’t realize, until she reached the door, that whatever talents these clever Egyptian moggies might possess, rattling handles isn’t one of them.

‘What?’ She unlocked the door and flung it open.

The man in the doorway was staring at her. ‘I…I…’

His mouth hung open, and either he had a speech impediment or-as she very much suspected-he was stinking drunk. For good measure he produced another guttural gargle and lurched forward.

‘Get away from me, you revolting little dung-beetle!’

He really was the most unprepossessing creature she’d ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on.

The dung-beetle’s mouth opened and closed. ‘I…’

Claudia put out her left hand to push him away while the other tried to slam the door in his face, but he was too fast. He dived towards her. Using both hands, Claudia pushed against his chest, but his arms had closed round her shoulders.

‘Wrong room, buster.’

She daren’t risk connecting her knee with his groin for fear of unbalancing herself-and the prospect of this horny sod on top of her didn’t bear thinking about. Along the atrium, still bright with night-torches, a blonde slave emerged from the kitchens with a wide, steaming bowl. Good. Between the two of them, they might be able to prise this animal off. She tried to call out, but the pressure of his body against hers was threatening to squeeze the life right out of her. Mercifully the girl looked up…and, incredibly, began to scream.

Silly bitch, Claudia thought, nearly buckling under the weight of the gargling lecher, but at least it’s brought help. Doors were opening left, right and centre.

Almost rhythmically, Claudia and the drunk danced in the doorway. He pushed, she pushed, he pushed back, but all the time she was growing weaker and weaker. Surely someone has the sense to yank him off?

Inexplicably everyone seemed to be yelling, and it was only when Claudia finally lost the battle with the dung-beetle and they toppled sideways together, she began to understand why.

The dung-beetle wasn’t drunk. The dung-beetle wasn’t gargling.

The dung-beetle had a bloody great knife in his belly.

‘I honestly don’t know what the fuss is about.’

Claudia had changed out of the blood-soaked shift and was silently tapping her toe on the floor. The dining room faced east, where the first rays of sunshine had punched through the mist to give a rich, buttery quality to the landscape beyond and bejewelled the narrow stream that bounced down the hillside to make the valley so rich and so fertile. An early orange-tip butterfly made its wispy flight past the window to investigate the white clouds of arabis that tumbled over the rocks beside the water, and a wagtail bobbed up and down in delight. ‘It’s not as though I killed him.’

The only other occupant of the room glanced up from the pear he was peeling. ‘Darling girl, he’s not breathing and his pulse has stopped. I can’t see him dancing the fandango again.’

‘I’m well aware of his condition, Pallas.’ Round the walls, Ganymede was being swept from his flocks by a giant eagle and on the floor, boozy Bacchus frolicked among maenads. ‘The point I’m making’, Claudia ground her heel in Bacchus’ eye, ‘is that it wasn’t me who killed him.’

In fact, the whole thing was a mystery. Amid doors flying open and a positively prodigal amount of shouting and squawking, and despite Claudia’s obvious shock and revulsion, she had been conscious of immense confusion within the household. Perhaps it was not entirely surprising that Sergius recovered first. Propelling her gently away from the carnage (and unwittingly straight into his sister’s predatory arms), he could not apologize enough. The shame of it, having a guest subjected to violence. Was she hurt? Was she frightened? She mustn’t be put off by this, please don’t think badly of us, I hope you’ll feel safe still. Tulola, look after her, will you? Hot, honeyed wine, please, to put colour in her cheeks.

Pallas carefully cut away a blemish. ‘Didn’t winter very well,’ he said, chopping the pear in half and sniffing intently. ‘But then neither did the apples. Damp in the fruit store, presumably.’

Outdoors, the five monotonous notes from the wood pigeon perched on the bath-house roof added a curiously sleepy dimension to the proceedings.

‘Claudia, Claudia, what a terrible experience! How you must be feeling!’ Alis fluttered into the breakfast room, pale as ever. ‘Was it-? Oh, I say! What a wonderful tunic! So vibrant. Wherever did you find it?’

‘It’s Tulola’s.’ That, if nothing else, would teach her not to travel light in future. Bright orange cotton with a blue band round the neck and a large blue flounce? It might suit Egyptian hairstyles and heavily painted eyes, but on a sophisticated city girl, it was as out of place as a corpse at a wedding. Corpse? Bad joke, Claudia.

‘It suits you. I mean, really suits you.’

‘It makes me look like a common tart.’

Claudia hadn’t realized she’d spoken aloud until Pallas said drily, ‘Definitely Tulola’s, then.’

Alis’ eyes widened in shock. ‘Pallas!’

‘Dear child, you are quite right and I take it back.’ He laid down his chicken wing and swivelled his eyes towards Claudia. ‘My cousin’s morals do not aspire to such heights.’

Colour flooded Alis’ white cheeks. ‘Sssh!’

Pallas began to dissect a quail. ‘I think you’ll find Tulola is aware of my sentiments.’

Claudia bit her lip. ‘Forget Tulola, what about-’

‘Oh dear, were you two in the middle of a conversation?’ Alis clicked her tongue. ‘Well, don’t mind me.’ She unlocked one of the carved chests and examined a green glass jug. ‘Carry on as though I’m not here.’

It was wellnigh impossible, but Claudia made a gallant effort. ‘Why,’ she leaned over the breakfast table, ‘has Sergius sent for the military?’

Why not handle it himself? Come on, jurisprudence isn’t reserved for patricians. We merchant classes are equally entitled to administer justice among our own, it’s one of the perks.

‘Pallas, are you listening? I’m trying to work out-’

‘Why Sergius sent for the Prefect. I heard you.’ He searched around for a finger bowl. ‘I presume you’ve asked him?’

Claudia pushed across a bronze bowl filled with warm, scented water. ‘He felt, and I quote, it was essential for the officials to get to the bottom of the matter.’ She refrained from mentioning the crispness in his tone which brooked no argument.

‘There you are then.’ He shook the drips from his pudgy fingers. ‘Try a dried cornel and stop worrying. They’re simply divine and-’

‘I’m not worrying, I-’

‘Claudia, which do you think will look best centre stage at dinner tonight?’ Alis weighed a green bowl in one hand, a yellow bowl in the other.

‘-I repeat, I’m not worrying, but it’s not every day a man’s life-blood drains itself out on your nightshift.’ Claudia smiled a beguiling smile. ‘Couldn’t you have a word with him?’ There were enough skeletons in her closet to keep a pack of hungry jackals happy for a year. The last thing she needed was Officialdom picking over the bones.