David Wishart - Sejanus

He looked shaken. 'That's not true! You're. -'

'Look,' I interrupted. 'I won't confuse you by going into details. Just take my word for it. I've saved your life here.'

'My life ?'

'Sure. Use whatever serves you as a brain and you'll see I'm right. Do you honestly think that dagger-in-the-letter crap would fool the imperial guards for one second? There're these things called searches, and on Capri they do them pretty well. You wouldn't get within a mile of Tiberius. Which was exactly what Sejanus intended.'

He goggled at me. I'd lost him. Gods! Scratch the twelve-year-old, I'd known more about political life in the raw when I was six. 'Silanus, watch my lips and try to follow, okay? Your so-called pal Servaeus was setting you up. The idea was that you'd get caught red-handed in an assassination attempt, and when they asked you cui bono you'd say Gaius.'

'I wouldn't! I swear!'

'Probably you wouldn't have to, not in words. The evidence would be there, neatly planted when you weren't looking. But a few touches of the red-hot iron would confirm it.' He winced. 'As a result Gaius would be chopped or exiled and the last obstacle between Sejanus and the succession removed.'

'But what about Servaeus? He'd be implicated too!' The poor guy was visibly struggling. Jupiter knew how he'd ever made consul, with his grasp of the realities. In families like his it was difficult to avoid, but in his case we'd've been better off with a tadpole.

'Servaeus would deny everything, naturally,' I said. 'And Sejanus would back him.'

'I don't believe it!'

I sighed. 'Silanus, have you got anything in writing? Anything confirming arrangements and so on? A letter? A note of some kind in Servaeus's handwriting or with his signature? So much as a laundry bill with the guy's name at the top?'

'Of course not! That would be — ' He stopped. Clink. The penny had finally dropped.

'Stupid. Yeah. I agree.' I looked at Agron, who'd stood expressionless through this. 'Agron, I think you can take Appius Junius Silanus back to his girlfriend's house now. He won't be giving us any more trouble. Or the emperor.'

'Blindfolded?'

'Blindfolded. Brain-rot isn't endemic throughout the whole ruling class yet.'

Agron grinned and sketched a salute. I gave him the finger and reached for the wine.

They'd been gone exactly two minutes when my other visitors arrived.

They walked in without knocking. Felix and his big pal Lamprus. I wasn't really surprised because I'd been expecting them now I knew who they worked for and why they'd been tailing me.

'How are you, Valerius Corvinus?' Felix gave me his best smile. He was wearing a natty green tunic this time, with a yellow leather belt. 'Very nice to see you again.'

'Yeah.' I indicated the other chair and the stool. 'Sit down. Make yourselves comfortable. My home is yours.'

'Thank you.' Felix took the stool. The big guy just loomed.

We sat looking at each other for a couple of minutes like a Greek chorus that's strayed onto the wrong stage. Felix was still smiling and quite at ease.

'Okay,' I said at last. 'Do you want to start or shall I?'

'Oh, you first, sir. Please.'

'Right. A stupid question to begin with. How did you find me?'

He ducked his head. 'Actually, we've known you were here since the day after you moved. We followed your slave from Puteoli, and incidentally dealt with one of Sejanus's agents who tried to do the same. Since then you've been watched very carefully. Very carefully indeed.'

'Is that right?' Galling, and probably true, especially the bit about the Sejanan tail. Thank Jupiter for minders.

'Yes, sir. In fact I'm told that you had a very pleasant conversation with one of my colleagues just the other day. He asked me to give you his regards and tell you how much he enjoyed your company.'

Shit. 'The Campanian in the wineshop. And I'd thought I was being clever.'

'Oh, but you were, sir!' The little guy looked pained. 'My colleague was most impressed. He told me particularly to be sure to compliment you on your Capuan accent.'

'Nice of him.' I poured a cup of wine and offered the jug to Felix. He shook his head. 'So. You work for Gaius Caesar and you've been tailing me in the hope that I'll uncover what sort of scam Sejanus has concocted to put the skids under your boss.'

'Oh, not the hope!' Felix smiled again. 'The confident expectation! We don't underestimate your skills, Valerius Corvinus. Isn't that right, Lamprus?' The thing grunted.

'By the way, you want to tell me your real names now that it doesn't matter?' I said.

'Oddly enough, sir, we really are Felix and Lamprus.' I stared at him. 'It's called a double bluff. Of course, I only risked it as a tribute to your intelligence.'

Oh, shit. Outsmarted at every turn. Well, Bathyllus probably wouldn't've been able to trace them anyway. I sipped at my wine.

'Question number two, then,' I said. 'Festus, Rubrius Fabatus's gardener. How did you find out about him?'

'A rather lucky guess, I'm afraid, although one based on sound probabilities. We knew about Fabatus and Tubero already, and we were keeping them under observation. We also knew — having done our homework thoroughly, of course, via a kitchen slave planted in his household — about Fabatus's domestic arrangements, including Festus's little bolt-hole. When our kitchen colleague reported that the three men had had their discussion in the garden and that Festus had not been in evidence for some time we thought the line was worth pursuing. Fortunately we were correct.'

I whistled, impressed. 'Smart.'

'Thank you, sir.' The guy was almost blushing. 'Very good of you to say so. We do try. And of course we thought what Festus had to say would help your own investigation along.'

'You've got him safe?'

'Festus? Naturally. I won't tell you where — he's outside Rome in any case, and quite content — but he'll reappear at the proper time.'

'Good. One last question, if I may.'

'Certainly. As many as you like.'

'Just one'll do. You never did work for Titius Sabinus, did you?'

'No, sir.' He sighed. 'I'm sorry for the deception, but no. That was an untruth. Lamprus and I have always been Julian slaves.'

'So why mention him? It was intentional, wasn't it? To point me in a certain direction?'

'Oh, how very astute! Isn't he, Lamprus?' Felix looked positively delighted, and the man-mountain grunted again. 'I did wonder if you'd picked that up. Yes, it was intentional. It didn't achieve its purpose, of course, but since you approached the problem from a different direction and solved it in your own inimitable fashion that doesn't much matter.'

'You care to explain just exactly what that purpose was, then? Just for the record.'

'Oh, I don't think I could take that on myself, sir, could I, Lamprus?' Grunt. 'But then I'm sure the master will tell you in a moment if you ask him.'

Jupiter! 'Uh…the master? He's here?'

'Yes, sir.' He stood up and looked towards the living-room door which opened on to the empty lobby. What I'd assumed was the empty lobby. Then he said, in a louder voice: 'We're ready for you now, sire.'

I was standing myself as he came in. If I'd known I'd be entertaining royalty I would've put on a mantle and got Meton to lay on cakes. Bathyllus would kick himself when he found he'd slept through this; a visit from a genuine Caesar would've satisfied the little snob's society cravings for the next five years.

'Valerius Corvinus!' The emperor's grandson strode across the room with his hand outstretched. 'How very lovely to meet you! I'm sorry about the unorthodox circumstances, but I thought I'd come and thank you personally.'

'Uh…sure,' I said. 'Don't mention it.' Not the most original of lines, but what can you expect under the circumstances?