Jill Churchill - Silence of the Hams

“Jane, think about it," Shelley said. "If some madman killed Stonecipher at random, he's unlikely to keep coming back to the deli. And Mike's hardly ever there anyway except to pick up orders to deliver. It's not as if he's the night watchman or anything. And if Stonecipher was killed by somebody who meant to go after him specifically, Mike's in no danger in that case either.”

Jane shook her head. "My brain knows you're both right, but my heart doesn't agree.”

Mel, having given his one piece of advice, waited patiently. Shelley said, "If you want my advice — and even if you don't — I think you ought to tell Mike how you feel, but leavethe decision up to him. That's how you always operate with him."

“But it's too late for him to get another job for the summer, and you know kids his age have no sense of their own mortality," Jane objected.

“But he cares a lot for your welfare, Janey," Mel said. "And as the investigating officer in this matter, I have to say I don't believe he's in any danger. No more than we're all in, all the time."

“Just consider it, Jane," Shelley put in.

“Okay, okay. I'll think about it before I say anything." She took a deep breath and said, "All right, Mel. What did you want of us? Neither of us saw anything happen."

“Yes, but you saw who was there. Would you both write down everybody you can remember, then we'll talk about your lists.”

Jane went to the desk and took out two legal pads she used for taking phone messages. She and Shelley separately composed their lists, asking occasional questions of each other. "What's the name of that woman with the weird apricot-colored hair?”

“Who's that guy who always wears the checked flannel shirts?”

“Did I really see Milly Vogrin or do I just think I did because I see her everywhere?”

Finally, when they'd written down all the names they knew, Mel copied it onto one list, eliminating duplicates, and started going through it name by name.

“To your knowledge, do any of these people have any connection to Robert Stonecipher?”

To the first couple names, both women shook their heads helplessly.

“What about Charles and LeAnne Doherty," Mel asked, working his way down the list.

“He was LeAnne's attorney when they got divorced," Shelley said.

“Divorced? But they were there together?" Mel asked.

“They remarried."

“Oh, my gosh!" Jane exclaimed. "Stonecipher was her attorney?"

“What's so surprising about that?" Mel asked.

“I guess it shouldn't be a surprise. It's just that LeAnne never mentioned his name. She just called him — well, never mind. You see, they got divorced and LeAnne just picked somebody out of the phone book to represent her. And he absolutely cleaned Charles out. Left him virtually broke. LeAnne was real pissed and didn't care."

“Wait — how do you know this?" Mel asked. "She told me, of course," Jane said. "We were room mothers together last year. So her attorney — Stonecipher as it now turns out— wrung Charles dry. But when all the dust had settled, LeAnne discovered that she only got a pittance. Everything had disappeared into legal fees. She even went to another lawyer to try to recover some of it, and he pretty much told her she'd been a dummy. Anyhow, it created a weird kind of bond between her and Charles and they eventually got back together. They went to marriage therapy and so on and got married all over again. Which was great for them, but they hardly had anything left to live on. They had to declare bankruptcy and start over. Charles had worked for a bank or a mortgage company or something like that."

“Euuw," Shelley put in. "Companies like that aren't wild about bankrupt employees."

“Right. He lost his job and they both had to work like dogs to get back up to speed. They finally got enough saved to open that little cubbyhole dry cleaners next to the grocery store."

“I'd never heard this story," Shelley said somewhat resentfully. "I knew about the divorce and remarriage, but not the rest of it. I only knew Stonecipher was her lawyer because somebody at the bake sale was asking about divorce attorneys, and she said he'd represented her and she warned everybody to stay away from him."

“Was she angry when she said that?" Mel asked.

Jane and Shelley realized at the same instant that they'd been making a case against the Dohertys. "No, no!" Shelley said hastily. "More wry and embarrassed than angry. It was a couple years ago and they've got it together now and I'm sure—”

Jane put her hand over her mouth. "What?" Mel asked.

“Nothing."

“Janey," he said sternly.

“Well, you'll find out anyway, I guess. I was reading that little 'good news' newspaper/ shopper thing we usually let turn to mulch in the driveway last week and saw something about the city council meeting. Apparently Stonecipher was threatening a lawsuit against a dry cleaners. Something about hazardous chemicals. I don't think the article mentioned which one it was, but it could have been the Dohertys."

“I'll check it out," Mel said. "So they were both there at the deli opening?"

“I'm the one who saw them," Shelley said, closing her eyes to picture it. "But I'm not positive I saw both of them. It's just that they usually do go everywhere together. I know I saw LeAnne because she had on that navy and white sweater I tried to get you to buy, Jane. Remember, I told you if you waited for it to go on sale you'd miss your chance?”

Mel cleared his throat.

“Well," Shelley huffed, "LeAnne was there, but I'm not sure about Charles.”

Mel went back to the list. "I understand both Stonecipher and a man named Foster Hanlon were trying to get the deli shut down, and Hanlon was there as well."

“They came together," Jane said. "Well, at about the same time, anyway. But Hanlon was on Stonecipher's side of the dispute."

“As far as we know," Shelley said ominously.

“What do you mean?" Mel asked.

“Just that sometimes generals disagree with each other," Shelley said. "They were both almost professional troublemakers. Maybe Stonecipher took the lead and Hanlon didn't like the way he handled it and blamed Stonecipher for losing the battle."

“Shelley, that's crazy," Jane said. "Killing somebody over a zoning ordinance?"

“Killing somebody over anything is crazy," Shelley reminded her. "And it could have been accidental. Suppose they got into a shouting match in the storage room and Hanlon got so furious he wanted to take a shot at Stonecipher and angrily shoved at the rack instead?”

Jane made a so-so motion with her hand. "Maybe. Except I don't think there was a shouting match. I was in the bathroom and heard the crash and I hadn't heard yelling before that."

“Well, a hissing match, then," Shelley persisted.

“You'd really like it to be Hanlon, huh?" Jane said, smiling.

“I wouldn't mind. Remember when I was on that planning committee for the well-baby clinic and he made such a nasty flap?"

“Only vaguely."

“He was certain that what he called 'riffraff' was going to descend on us like locusts. To hear him tell it, wild-eyed pinko liberals were going to hire buses to gather up mothers and children from the streets of inner-city Chicago and bring them out here for free treatment." Shelley paused. "Which sounded like a pretty good idea to me, actually. There was a strong odor of bigotry about the whole thing. Ugh. Nasty man," she said, shuddering elaborately.

Jane thought for a minute. "You know, it would be killing two birds with one stone, so to speak, if he'd gotten mad enough at Stonecipher to kill him. What better place to do it than the deli? A murder at the deli might also hurt Conrad's business enough to shut him down."

“I think we're wandering pretty far afield here," Mel said. "Could we go back to the list, please?”