Jill Churchill: War and Peas

Babs stood up and took their empty coffee cups to the trash while Sharlene folded the tablecloth and Shelley and Jane folded up the table. "I still don't see what Heidi had to do with it, though," Sharlene said.

“Nothing," Jane said. "Remember that man who told you about the pea his family grew during the Depression? Caspar overheard the conversation and decided there might be seeds of it in the pea bin. That's why his fingerprints were all over it. But old Auguste had hidden the peas inside the cat. They might be valuable if they can be made to grow. I had Mel take the stuffed cat and the ledger away just to keep them from Caspar."

“But why was Derek killed the way he was, then?"

“I'm not sure we'll ever know," Shelley said, looking daggers at the fingernail she'd just chipped on the folding table. "My guess is that Lisa lured him down to the basement somehow, smacked him in the head with something, then realized to her horror that he was merely unconscious, not dead. Maybe she couldn't bring herself to hit him again. Or maybe she was just plain crazy at that point. I imagine her eye fell on the pea bin and she figured if she stuffed his mouth and nose with peas, he'd suffocate. Maybe it even crossed her mind that doing that would confuse the time of death and allow her to establish an alibi. She hadn't taken time to carefully plan Derek's murder — well, who knows? She was desperate. She'd already killed her lover. She was terrified of getting caught, and terror can make anyone irrational."

“But there wasn't proof of anything," Jane said. "Which is why somebody had to try to lure Lisa into making another attempt to save herself."

“So Whitney and Jumper had that conversation at the table, where she could hear it," Babs mused. "To make her think the police were about to have reason to suspect her.”

Jane nodded. "You have to admire Whitney for being willing to put himself at risk after learning something that must have been shocking to him."

“What happened in Ms. Palmer's office?" Sharlene asked.

“Your office, Sharlene," Babs corrected. "Didn't you get a call from your friend Detective VanDyne a few minutes ago, Jane?”

Jane nodded. "He said that Lisa grabbed the knife that had been used to slice that ham the volunteers bought for the dinner. She went into the office, sidled around behind Whitney, and tried to stab him. But there was one police officer in the closet, one crouched behind the file cabinet, and two more in the hall, so she never got close enough to nick Whitney. She went to pieces when the police grabbed her. She was at the breaking point and apparently confessed everything.”

Sharlene picked up one end of the folded table and Jane the other. As they carried it over to where the other rented tables were stacked, Sharlene said, "I guess I must really be even more naive than I realized. It never crossed my mind that Ms. Palmer and Lisa were anything more than just good friends.”

Babs was jingling the keys to the front door of the museum. "Are we done?" she asked. "Sharlene, don't feel bad for not realizing. In spite of today's openness, there are still many people who don't believe their sexual orientation is the business of the general public. Just like some people are secretive about their financial status, others feel that way about their sexual preferences. Still, I should have realized—"

“You?" Sharlene said with a smile. "Why should you of all people have realized?”

Babs shook her head and stared at Sharlene for a long moment. "My dear, you really are naive.”

Sharlene stared back, her face a mask of perplexity; then her mouth dropped open in astonishment. "You mean—?"

“I do, indeed."

“You and Miss Daisy?”

Babs laughed. "My dear, why does the younger generation always think they invented sex? I remember feeling the same way at your age. I believe that's why Lisa locked me in the closet. She must have picked up on Daisy's and my 'special friendship'—that's what they called it when we were young women and figured I was as well attuned as she was. She liked me too much to kill me on such a vague suspicion, but she was warning me to keep my opinions to myself. She might have even been telling me not to bring either of us 'out of the closet,' as they say.”

Sharlene was still staring, openmouthed, and suddenly a giggle bubbled up. "For all the classes I've taken," she said, "I think I need to go back to kindergarten and start brushing up on the Facts of Life.”

Babs grinned at her and headed for the door, opening it to usher the others out. As she locked up behind them, she said, "Can I give anyone a ride?"

“No, thanks," Sharlene said. "Jumper's waiting to take me home." She blushed only a little this time.

“And I'm taking Jane home," Shelley said.

Jane and Shelley walked slowly to Shelley's van while watching as Jumper leaped from a little, sporty car and chivalrously opened the door for Sharlene. Babs tooted her horn and waved as she passed. Shelley unlocked the van; after Jane got in and snapped her seat belt, she said, "Shelley, I'm disappointed."

“About what?" Shelley said, gunning the engine.

“Because I thought we did invent sex. In fact, I vividly remember inventing sex.”

Shelley laughed and shot out into traffic like a rocket.