Donald Westlake - The Hot Rock

He'd put three away when Iko squeaked, "A helicopter?"

Kelp put the cue down and turned back to say, "We weren't sure you could get your hands on one of those, but if you can't we don't have any caper. So Dortmunder said I should just bring you the list like always and let you decide for yourself."

Iko was looking a little strange. "A helicopter," he said. "How do you expect me to get you a helicopter?"

Kelp shrugged. "I dunno. But the way we figured, you've got a whole country behind you."

"That's true," Iko said, "but the country behind me is Talabwo, it is not the United States."

Kelp said, "Talabwo doesn't have any helicopters?"

"Of course Talabwo has helicopters," Iko said irritably. It looked as though his national pride was stung. "We have seven helicopters. But they are in Talabwo, naturally, and Talabwo is in Africa. The American authorities might ask questions if we tried to import an American helicopter from Talabwo."

"Yeah," Kelp said. "Let me think," he said.

"There's nothing else on this list to cause any trouble," Iko said. "Are you sure you have to have a helicopter?"

"The detention cells," Kelp said, "are on the top floor, which is the fifth floor. You go in the street entrance, you've got five floors of armed cops to go through before you ever reach the cells, and then you've got the same five floors of cops to go through all over again before you get back to the street. And you know what's out on the street?"

Iko shook his head.

"Cops," Kelp told him. "Usually three or four prowl cars, plus cops walking around, going in, coming out, maybe just standing around on the sidewalk, talking to each other."

"I see," said Iko.

"So our only chance," Kelp told him, "is to come down from the top. Get on the roof, and go from there down into the building. Then the detention cells are right there, handy, and we don't even see most of the cops. And after we get the emerald we don't have to fight our way through anybody, all we have to do is go back up to the roof and take off."

"I see," said Iko.

Kelp picked up his cue, dropped the seven, walked around the table.

Iko said, "But a helicopter is very loud. They'll hear you coming."

"No, they won't," Kelp said. He leaned over the table, dropped the four, straightened, said, "There's airplanes going over that neighborhood all day long. Big jets landing at LaGuardia, they go over that neighborhood a lot lower than you'd think. You know, they start their approach, some of them, like out at Allentown."

"You'll use their noise to help you?"

"We've kept a record on them," Kelp said. "We know who the regulars are, and we'll drift in while one of them is going by." He sank the twelve.

Iko said, "What if someone sees you, from some other building? There are taller buildings around there, aren't there?"

"They see a helicopter land on a police station roof," Kelp said. "So what?" He dropped the six.

"All right," Iko said. "I can see where it could work."

"And nothing else can work for a minute," Kelp told him and dropped the fifteen.

"Perhaps," Iko said. He frowned in a troubled way. "You could be right. But the problem is, where am I going to get you a helicopter?"

"I don't know," Kelp said, sinking the two. "Where'd you get your helicopters before this?"

"Well, we bought them, naturally, from-" Iko stopped, and his eyes widened. A white cloud formed above his head, and in the cloud a lightbulb appeared. The lightbulb flashed on. "I can do it!" he cried.

Kelp dropped the eleven and, on ricochet, the eight. That left the three and the fourteen still around. "Good," he said and put the cue down. "How you going to manage it?"

"We'll simply order a helicopter," Iko said, "through normal channels. I can arrange that. When it arrives in Newark for transshipment by boat to Talabwo, it will spend a few days in our warehouse space. I can arrange for you to be able to borrow it, but not during normal working hours."

"We wouldn't want it during normal working hours," Kelp told him. "About seven-thirty in the evening is when we figure to get there."

"That will be fine, then," the Major said. He was obviously delighted with himself. "I will have it gassed up and ready," he said.

"Fine."

"The only thing is," the Major said, his delight fading just a trifle, "it could take a while for the order to go through. Three weeks, possibly longer."

"That's okay," Kelp said. "The emerald will keep. Just so we get our salary every week."

"I'll get it as quickly as I can," Iko said.

Kelp motioned at the table. "Mind?"

"Go ahead," Iko said. He watched Kelp sink the last two and then said, "Perhaps I ought to take lessons in that. It does look relaxing."

"You don't need lessons," Kelp told him. "Just grab a cue and start shooting. It'll come to you. Want me to show you how?"

The Major looked at his watch, obviously torn two ways. "Well," he said, "just for a few minutes."

Dortmunder was sorting money on his coffee table, a little pile of crumpled singles, a smaller pile of less-crumpled fives, and a thin pair of tens. His shoes and socks were off and he kept wiggling his toes as though they'd just been released from prison. It was late evening, the long August day finally coming to an end outside the window, and Dortmunder's loosened tie, rumpled shirt, and matted hair demonstrated he hadn't spent much of that day here in his air-conditioned apartment.

The doorbell rang.

Dortmunder got heavily to his feet, went over to the door, and peered through the spy hole. Kelp's cheerful face was framed there, as in a cameo. Dortmunder opened the door and Kelp came in, saying, "Well, how's it going?"

Dortmunder shut the door. "You look pleased with life," he said.

"I am," Kelp said. "Why not?" He glanced at the money on the coffee table. "You don't seem to be doing too bad yourself."

Dortmunder limped back to the sofa and sat down. "You don't think so? Out all day, walking from door to door, chased by dogs, jeered at by children, insulted by housewives, and what do I get for it?" He made a contemptuous wave at the money on the coffee table. "Seventy bucks," he said.

"It's the heat that's slowing you down," Kelp told him. "You want a drink?"

"It isn't the heat," Dortmunder said, "it's the humidity. Yeah, I want a drink."

Kelp went to the kitchenette and talked from there, saying, "What sort of dodge you working?"

"Encyclopedias," Dortmunder said. "And the problem is, you ask for more than a ten-buck deposit they either balk or they want to write a check. As it is, I got one ten-dollar check today, and what the hell am I going to do with that?"

"Blow your nose in it," Kelp suggested. He came out of the kitchen with two glasses containing bourbon and ice. "Why you doing the encyclopedias?" he asked.

Dortmunder nodded at the slender briefcase over by the door. "Because that's what I got the display case on," he said. "You can't sell a thing without a lot of bright pieces of paper."

Kelp handed him a glass and went over to sit down in the armchair. "I guess I'm luckier," he said. "Most of my work is done in bars."

"What are you up to?"

"Me and Greenwood are working the smack over by Penn Station," Kelp said. "We split almost three hundred today."

Dortmunder looked at him in disbelief. "The smack? That still works?"

"They lap it up like cream," Kelp said. "And why wouldn't they? It's me and the mark against Greenwood, there's no way on earth we can lose. One of us has to win."

"I know," Dortmunder said. "I know all about it, I've tried that dodge myself once or twice, but I don't have the face for it. It needs cheerful types like you and Greenwood." He sipped at his bourbon and sat back on the sofa, closing his eyes and breathing through his mouth.