Harry Kemelman - Sunday the Rabbi Stayed Home

“Half a bottle?” said Stu, marveling. “And he passed out? Complete? Blotto? What’d you do, leave him lying on the floor?”

“On the floor!” Jacobs was indignant. “Hell no, on one of the beds.”

“Well, like they say, on the floor he can’t roll off,” said Stu defensively.

Jenkins laughed, and Jacobs said grimly, “The way we laid him on the bed he won’t roll anywhere.”

“There was one of these plastic sheets,” Jenkins explained, “and we wrapped him up real good.”

“Just like you swaddle a baby in a blanket,” Jacobs added with satisfaction.

Didi came in with coffee. They sipped it in silence, each immersed in his own thoughts for the moment.

The Stu said suddenly, “Hey, how are we going to get back in? We’re not going to have to go through the window, I hope? You shut the door.”

“No sweat,” said Bill Jacobs. “I left it on the latch.”

Jenkins set his cup down and rose lazily to his feet. “I better be starting. Got to get up real early tomorrow.”

“Hey,” said Bill. “With Stu driving, I’m not sure I can handle Moose alone if he should start acting up. Can’t you give us a hand?”

Jenkins smiled and shook his head. “You’re asking the wrong party. Far as I’m concerned, he can stay there until he turns to green mold. If I was you cats, I’d forget about him.”

As the roar of Jenkins’ motorcycle died away. Stu said. “What was he so up tight about?”

Didi answered. “Moose was dumping on him most of the evening. Frankly, I don’t blame Alan.”

“Well, that leaves us in a bind,” said Jacobs. He went to the window and looked out. “And it’s started raining again.”

They sat around and talked, waiting for the rain to let up. Every once in a while one of them would wander to the window to peer at the rain-lashed streets.

Suddenly a bolt of lightning flashed across the sky, followed immediately by a tremendous crash of thunder, and the room was plunged into darkness.

“That must have got a transformer.” said Jacobs, looking down the darkened street. “Maybe the substation; it’s dark all up and down the street.”

“You got any candles. Didi?” asked Stu.

“I—I guess so.” Didi’s voice sounded frightened in the darkness, and then he felt her hand groping for his. He put his arm around her.

“Tell you what. Rather than sweat this out in darkness, why don’t we all get in the car and drive over to pick up Moose now? The way it’s coming down, it can’t last long.”

Mr. Morehead was apologetic. “Believe me, Mr. Paff, if I didn’t have to meet my wife at the airport—”

“But I’ve arranged with the other men in the deal to meet them at the house. You could have let me know earlier.”

“I didn’t expect her until tomorrow, Mr. Paff. I just got a call from New York, from the airport. Look, you don’t need me there anyway. You can get the key from—”

“Don’t tell me to go to see that son of a bitch Begg again. He’ll tell me he can’t get away from his two-bit store and that he can’t let me have the key because I might steal the furniture. Furniture! I’ve seen better at the Morgan Memorial. I’ll drive up with a truck and load it with his goddam ratty furniture.”

The other chuckled. “Begg is an old Yankee, all right. But look, how would it be if I left the key in Lynn?”

“Happens I’ve got to check something at the Lynn alley.”

“Well, that’s fine then. You know the drugstore on the corner where my building is? I’ll leave the key there, and you can pick it up.”

“Well. I guess that’s all right. You just be sure that there’s no slipup. Give them my name and tell them what I look like so there won’t be any question when I come in for it.”

“Nothing to worry about, Mr. Paff. And you look over the property as long as you like. Just be sure you turn out the lights and lock the door when you leave.”

At the Lynn alley the manager greeted him with, “Your wife just called. Mr. Paff, and said for you to call a Mr. Kermit Arons.”

Arons was remorseful. “Gee, Meyer, you’ll never guess what I went and did. After I made this appointment with you for tonight I forgot all about my sister-in-law’s wedding anniversary. She’s throwing a big shindig, and if I don’t go to it, well, I might just as well start discussing visitation rights to the children with my lawyer. So for tonight, I’m afraid you’ll have to count me out.”

“But we’ve got to act fast on this thing, Kerm. We can’t futz around.”

“So act. What do I know about buildings, anyway? If you guys say it’s all right, then it’s all right with me. I’ll go along with whatever you decide.”

As soon as he hung up, the manager bore down on him. “Look. Mr. Paff, Moose is late again. I called his house, and he wasn’t home. I haven’t eaten yet.”

“Well, why don’t you go out and grab a bite. I’ll cover for you, and I’ll get somebody for tonight. Frank over at the Maiden Alley said he could work any night except Friday.”

“Well, what if Moose comes in?”

“If he comes in while I’m here. I’ll fire him. And if he doesn’t show up. I’ll tell him tomorrow he’s through. Look, don’t take too long; I’ve got an appointment.”

“Sure, Mr. Paff, I’ll just get a hamburger and a cup of coffee. Say, I know a young fellow who if you hire him. I know he’d be reliable and—”

“We’ll talk about it. You go and eat now.”

He started for the door, but Paff called after him. “Say, have the cops been in again since—”

“Oh, don’t worry about them, Mr. Paff. I know how to handle them.”

“Well, that’s what I wanted to tell you. Lay off. Don’t rile them. Understand?”

“Oh, sure, Mr. Paff.”

“Don’t act flip. Just cooperate.”

While the other was gone, the phone rang. It was Dr. Edelstein. “Meyer? Your wife gave me this number, and said I might catch you here. I just got a call, and I got to go clear down to Lawrence for a consultation.”

“But, Doc, Kermit Arons can’t make it. He got to go to his sister-in-law’s anniversary party, and now you—”

“It’s a man’s life, Meyer.”

Parked under the streetlamp opposite Hillson House, Meyer Paff decided that he would wait just five more minutes for Irving Kallen and then leave. It was easier to get money out of his friends than work, he reflected bitterly. He was not merely annoyed; he was physically uncomfortable. Because of the rain he had to keep the car window up, and it was hot and sticky inside. He could have gone into the house—he had the key—but he remembered what Begg had said about vandals having broken in there on occasion, and he did not want to go in alone. Besides, half-hidden behind its overgrown hedge, the house now looked dark and forbidding. And the thunder and lightning didn’t help things any.

He glanced at his watch and saw that he had been there almost half an hour. He looked uncertainly down the road and. seeing no car approaching, turned on the ignition and drove off.

… No ma’am, you notify the electric company. But I can tell you there’s no need to call them either. They know about it. The power is out in all that part of town. The storm knocked out the substation.”

Sergeant Hanks turned to Patrolman Smith, who had unbuttoned his tunic and was relaxing with a cup of coffee. “Boy, what a night! Must be a hundred people calling the electric company and then calling us when they can’t get them.”

Smith smiled sympathetically, but the sergeant was back at the phone again. “Barnard’s Crossing Police Department, Sergeant Hanks speaking… Yes, Mr. Begg… Oh yes, that’s one of the houses the cruising car checks regular… No sir, nothing was called in… You say it was lit up?… That’s funny—all power in that part of town is out. You don’t have lights, do you?… Oh, before… No, sir, I was not talking to my girl and not to my wife either… Well, I’m sorry about that, but people been calling in almost constantly for the last hour or so about the lights… Yes sir. I’ll have the cruising car check….”