Lawrence Block - The Girl with the Long Green Heart

Another pause. Then, “I do have a suggestion. If it’s satisfactory to you, I’d like to refer the matter to another investigator, a man named Robert Hettinger. He’s worked for us in the past. He has his own office now and he’s quite reliable and honest. Would that... yes, certainly. Yes, he’d make his reports directly to you and you could make your own financial arrangements with him. This looks to be a small matter, Mr. Gunderman, and while I wish we could serve you directly... yes, well, I can guarantee the man’s work personally. Yes, fine, Mr. Gunderman, and it’s my pleasure, sir.”

He put the phone down and smiled across the desk at me. He looked as triumphant as a sparring partner who’d just knocked out Liston. “In two or three days,” he said, “we send him this.”

He handed me a two-page letter. The letterhead read Robert M. Hettinger... private investigative service... 404 Richmond West... Toronto . The report said everything we could have wanted it to say. It invented a fine upstanding background for Rance, who was cast as a scion of an established Toronto family with a background in shipping and land development. It said that I was new in Toronto, an employee of Barnstable, and so on. We couldn’t have worked up a cleaner bill of health for ourselves.

There was also a bill for fifty dollars Canadian for services rendered.

I said, “Who’s Hettinger?”

“I am.”

“And the address?”

“You can rent office space at four-o-four Richmond for five dollars a month. I get a desk and mail privileges for that much. I paid them five dollars, and they’ll have Gunderman’s check for me when he sends it along.” He grinned elaborately. “Fifty dollars, and when you subtract the cost of the stationery and the phone call and the month’s rent on the desk space, we still come out about twenty dollars ahead. I figured we might as well pick up pin money along the way.”

“And if he tries to call you?”

“There’s a girl who answers the phone for everybody on the floor there. If he calls, Mr. Hettinger is out. But he won’t. He’ll get the report and send a check, and that’s all.”

It was neat and I told him so. He was as hungry for praise as a puppy who had finally succeeded in getting the puddle on the paper. He poured more Scotch for us and as we drank to success, I told him again how neatly he’d fielded the ball, and that was that.

I called Evvie from my hotel. This time she was home. I said, “John here. You alone, baby?”

“Yes. What is it?”

“Just a progress report. Everything’s running smoothly on this end. Your boss is going to start getting letters any day now.”

“Good.”

I told her about the detective agency routine. She thought it was very clever, and I didn’t bother mentioning that it was Doug’s idea. I asked her how Gunderman was behaving.

“He’s falling all the way,” she said.

“I understand he’s trying to reach me.”

“Three times today, John. He was upset when you managed to leave town the other day without seeing him. He’s positive there’s something going on that he could make money on. He doesn’t know what the gimmick is but he’s sure there is one and he’s dying to find it. How much longer do you want to let him dangle?”

I thought about it. “Maybe I’ll take another trip to Olean soon,” I said.

“That would be nice.”

“Let’s see. I think maybe the middle of the week, maybe on Wednesday. He should have enough replies by Monday afternoon so that the whole picture will soak in fast enough. Now here’s the bit. Monday, you’ll tell him that you got a call from me. I wasn’t in Toronto, you’re not sure where I was, but I wasn’t in Toronto. I called you, and it seems as though I’m anxious to see you, not Gunderman but you. You have the feeling that I’m halfway crazy about you, and—”

“Are you, John?”

“What?”

“Halfway crazy about me?”

I lit a cigarette. “Anyway, at this point you became the little heroine, doing it up right for the boss. You knew he wanted to see me, so you conned me into coming down to Olean on the excuse of seeing Gunderman. He’ll be delighted. And set it up so that I’ll come around to his office sometime Wednesday afternoon.”

“You didn’t answer my question, John.”

“Did you get what I said?”

“Of course. You still didn’t answer my question.”

“I’ll give you the answer in person,” I said.

I wound up sitting at the bar at The Friars. They had a piano trio there that wasn’t half bad, a West Coast outfit a long way from home. The bass player had worked with Mulligan ages ago. I stayed there until the place closed and walked back to my hotel.

“Have a seat, John,” he said. “Just have a seat and relax. You must have had quite a trip. I hate those little puddle-hopping airlines. You no sooner get your belt fastened than it’s time to unhook it because you’ve landed already; just up and down again. And I guess you’ve had a belly full of travel lately, haven’t you?”

“Well, I’ve been busy.”

“Now I’m sure you have, John. I’m sure you have at that. I wish I hadn’t missed you that morning. Your hotel wouldn’t put an early call through to your room, and then you were gone before I could get hold of you. I was sorry about that.”

“I meant to come over in the morning,” I said. “But it turned out, well, to be quite a late night, and then I went and did more drinking than I usually do, and I felt I ought to sleep a little later than usual. And then when I did wake up—”

I left the sentence hanging. Gunderman nodded slowly and said, “I suppose you weren’t feeling too well, John.”

“No, I guess I wasn’t.”

“Probably a little bit of a hangover?”

“Well, I felt a little rocky.”

“I can imagine. I guess Evvie did a good job of showing you the town. I wish I could have come myself. Still, she’s better at playing host than I am. And a damn sight better looking than I am, as far as that goes. I think she’s taken a shine to you, John.”

I did a good job of trying not to look embarrassed. I took a cigarette and fumbled for matches. He gave me a light and relit his cigar. He could see that I was ill at ease and nothing could have delighted him more. He was enjoying himself tremendously.

“You’re a hard man to get hold of, John,” he said. “I couldn’t get your home telephone number, so I had to try you at your office. I’m afraid I made quite a few calls. They didn’t tell me that you were out of town at first, just that you weren’t in and they didn’t know where you could be reached. Then they did tell me you were out of town, but didn’t seem to know when you’d be back, so I just went on calling. Your bosses must really keep you hopping.”

“I did a lot of traveling this trip,” I admitted.

“Get much accomplished?”

“Well,” I said vaguely.

“Buy a lot of land, John?”

I coughed on my cigarette. I looked at him nervously, and he looked back and let his eyebrows climb up a notch. I met his eyes and drew again on my cigarette. I didn’t say anything, but then I didn’t have to. We had reached a quiet understanding. I was telling him that I knew that he knew that our hunting lodge story was a lot of hooey, but that I wasn’t too crazy about the idea of discussing it, not for now, anyway.

“Well,” he said easily. “I ought to tell you, John, that I’ve had time to think over your proposition, and while the tax-loss features are attractive, certainly, I’m afraid I’m not interested in selling my property. Not for the time being, at least.”

“I see.”

“You don’t seem very disappointed.”