Erle Gardner - Beware the Curves

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Beware the Curves: краткое содержание, описание и аннотация

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Unfettered, unfiltered, unorthodox Bertha Cool and Donald Lam have four of the least likely and most popular private eyes in the business — and they’ve never been in sharper focus!
It’s always exciting when Erle Stanley Gardner assumes his favorite pseudonym of A. A. Fair and lets her rip! This new mystery novel is exhibit A proving beyond the shadow of a doubt that Bertha Cool and Donald Lam are among the most ingenious and inventive characters in mystery fiction.
Here is all the old sweet-and-sour, plus the catchiest plot ever dissected by the intrepid twosome. Bertha is at her toughest and funniest, and Donald is at top form knowing and debonair.
Beware the Curves

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“So she couldn’t have told him anything prior to that time?”

“Objected to as argumentative,” Irvine said.

“Sustained,” Judge Lawton said.

“But he did tell you definitely that, from the time he left for the jungles, he didn’t see Mrs. Endicott until after Endicott’s death?”

“Well, yes, he said that.”

“Now you’re a dope peddler, aren’t you?” Quinn said.

“Objected to,” Irvine said. “That is not a proper ground of impeachment. The witness can only be impeached by showing that he has been convicted of a felony.”

“This question may, however, be preliminary. It may go to the question of bias,” Judge Lawton said.

“Then the other question should be asked first,” Irvine said.

“Very well, I’ll sustain the objection at this time.”

“You are in jail as a prisoner?” Quinn said.

“Yes, sir.”

“And how long have you been in jail?”

“A little over four months.”

“And how long do you still have to serve?”

“About ten days, figuring good time.”

“And why were you sent to jail?”

“I had marijuana cigarettes in my possession.”

“Were you smoking them?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Were you peddling them?”

“Objected to as incompetent, irrelevant and immaterial, and not proper cross-examination,” Irvine said.

“Sustained,” Judge Lawton ruled.

“Didn’t you have a conversation with the officers, the substance of which was that while the officers could charge you with peddling marijuana cigarettes, if you would give your testimony in this case, they would not press that charge against you?”

“Well... no.”

“Didn’t you have a conversation with some of the officers to the effect that if you would move into the cell with the defendant John Dittmar Ansel, and try to inveigle him into conversation so that you could get some admission from him that could be used as testimony, you’d be released from jail and not be prosecuted on a charge of dope peddling?”

“No, sir, not in those words.”

Quinn looked scornfully at the witness.

“How long have you had those shoes?” Quinn asked, pointing disdainfully at the shoes.

“I got ’em yesterday.”

“Where did you get them?”

“In a shoe store.”

“You’re supposed to be in jail. How did you get out of jail?”

“The sheriff let me out.”

“Where did you get those pants?”

“In a clothing store.”

“When?”

“Yesterday.”

“Where did you get that coat?”

“In a clothing store.”

“When?”

“Yesterday.”

“Who paid for the suit?”

“The sheriff.”

“Who paid for the shoes?”

“The sheriff.”

“When was your hair cut last?”

“Yesterday.”

“Who paid for the haircut?”

“The sheriff.”

“Where was your hair cut?”

“At a barber shop uptown.”

“Don’t you know they have barbers in the jail?”

“I don’t know.”

“How long have you been there?”

“Four and a half months.”

“You’ve had your hair cut in that time, haven’t you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“By whom?”

“By a barber in the jail.”

“But yesterday, after you had run to the officers with this story, after you had played stool pigeon for them, a jail haircut wasn’t good enough for you. In order to impress this jury, the officers took you up to a high-class barber shop and gave you the works, didn’t they?”

“Well, they took me uptown.”

“That’s a new necktie you have on, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Who paid for it?”

“The sheriff.”

Barney Quinn turned from the man in disgust.

“That’s all,” he said.

“No further questions,” Irvine said.

The witness left the stand.

“Now then, Your Honor,” Quinn said, “I renew my motion to strike out the entire testimony of the witness Helen Manning because it becomes apparent that anything she told Mrs. Endicott could not possibly have been communicated to the defendant prior to the death of the decedent. I renew my motion that the district attorney be admonished for misconduct, and that the jury be instructed to disregard everything that the district attorney said and everything that the witness Helen Manning said on the stand.”

Judge Lawton leaned forward on the bench, weighed his words carefully. “The motion to strike the testimony of Helen Manning will be granted. The jury is instructed to pay no attention whatever to the testimony of this witness. The effect will be as though this witness had never been called to the stand.

“The Court recognizes the assignment of misconduct on the part of the district attorney to this extent. The jurors are instructed to pay no attention to any remarks made by the district attorney or to any statements made by counsel on either side except insofar as those statements are substantiated by evidence that is permitted to go before the jury. The Court instructs the jurors to completely disregard all statements made by the district attorney in connection with the testimony of the witness Manning to the effect that he would connect up the testimony.

“Now then, Mr. Prosecutor, proceed with your next witness.”

“My next witness, if the Court please,” Irvine said, “is one who will still further connect up the testimony that—”

“That testimony has been stricken,” Judge Lawton rebuked. “You may move to have it reinstated if at any time you can connect it up. The Court feels that the proof was put on out of order. The Court feels that the prosecutor should have put on any evidence he might have had seeking to connect up the testimony of the witness Manning before putting the witness Manning on the stand.

“The Court feels that any further reference on the part of the prosecution to testimony which has been stricken from the record may well constitute prejudicial misconduct. Now, proceed.”

“Very well,” Irvine said, with poor grace, “call Steven Beardsley.”

Beardsley, a tall, gangling individual, came to the stand and was sworn.

“What’s your occupation, Mr. Beardsley?”

“I’m deputy sheriff in this county.”

“Is there any particular field in which you have specialized, any field in the nature of law enforcement?”

“Yes, sir.”

“What is that field?”

“Ballistics. Firearms identification.”

“Will you tell us what training you have had along those lines?”

“I have studied under several of the leading men in the country. I have been making a practice of firearms identification for more than ten years.”

“Are you familiar with the town of Citrus Grove in this county?”

“I am, yes, sir.”

“Are you familiar with the premises known as the Whippoorwill, the estate of Karl Carver Endicott?”

“I am, yes, sir.”

“Do you recognize the premises shown on this map, People’s Exhibit Number One?”

“I do, yes, sir.”

“I will ask you if you have at any time searched the hedge shown on People’s Exhibit Number One?”

“I have, yes, sir.”

“I will ask you if at any time within the past week you found a weapon in that hedge?”

“I did, yes, sir.”

“Do you have that weapon with you?”

“I do.”

“Produce it please.”

The witness produced a rust-encrusted, blued-steel revolver.

“What is that?”

“That is a Colt .38 caliber revolver.”

“How many shells are in that revolver?”

“Five shells with bullets in them and one empty chamber in the cylinder.”

“Have you been able to fire test bullets through that gun?”

“I have had considerable difficulty restoring it to a condition where it is safe to fire it, but I have removed enough of the rust to enable the mechanism to function. I have purposely refrained from removing any of the rust which was not essential for this purpose in order to show the condition of the weapon when it was found.”

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