Marcia Talley - This Enemy Town

“Have you talked to your parents?”

Emma sat up as if she’d been shot. “God, no! You met them on parents’ weekend, Hannah. American Gothic all the way. Can you imagine? Dad would go ballistic if he found out I’m gay.” She pointed to one of a series of oil paintings that lined the walls on both sides of the room, portraits of famous admirals. “See that painting up there?”

I nodded. It was a full-length portrait of Admiral William J. Crowe, USN, former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and ambassador to Britain during the Clinton administration. Crowe was standing behind a chair, smiling benevolently, like a favorite uncle, with his hat tucked under his arm.

“Well, picture Crowe with a poker up his butt and frowning, and that’d be my dad.”

I had to smile. I’d met Emma’s father one Parents’ Weekend. I didn’t know about the poker, but there was an uncanny resemblance between the two men. “How about your mom, then?” I asked.

“That’s a laugh. She’d insist that I change. She’d sic her prayer group on me, and if that didn’t work, she’d find somebody to kidnap me and drag me off to some Bad Girl Camp for deprogramming. The Baptists have their ways.”

“You’re not serious about the deprogramming.”

She tapped her mouth with an index finger. “Read my lips. I’m deadly serious. Dad owns the only farm supply store in Galena, Iowa. Can you imagine all those good ol’ boys dropping by, tonguing their chaw from one cheek to the other just to tell Daddy how supportive they are of his only daughter’s alternative lifestyle?” Emma slumped into the cushion and crossed one black-clad leg over the other before continuing. “I got appointed to the Academy by Senator Tom Harkin, for heaven’s sake. Harkin was a jet pilot in the Navy during Vietnam. I’m doomed!”

I opened my mouth to say something reassuring, but Emma cut me off. “It gets worse. I was grand marshal of Galena’s memorial day parade, sitting on top of the mayor’s stretch Caddy, riding down Church Street to Courthouse Square behind my high school band playing ‘I’m Proud to Be an American.’ Oh, this’ll go over just great in Galena.” She raised her arm and used an index finger to write an imaginary headline in the air. “Galena Girl Goes Gay.”

She sighed deeply, stretching her legs out straight on the carpet in front of her. “Well, you know what they say. If they don’t ask, I’m certainly not going to tell.”

Emma blinked rapidly, fighting back tears.

“This is going to make life difficult for you here, isn’t it, Emma?” I said gently.

“Well, it’s not like I’ve actually done anything, you know,” she said, swiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. “As I told you last spring, I’ve had these feelings since junior high, but I didn’t do anything about it. I thought that being attracted to my girlfriends was normal. That one day I’d grow out of it. I’ve read the storybooks! I thought that eventually some guy’d walk into my life and bells would start ringing and my heart would go pitter-pat. And when that didn’t happen, what did I know? I thought I just hadn’t met the right guy.”

“But…” I struggled for the words. “If the Academy finds out…”

Emma waved a hand dismissively. “I know, I know. But, they won’t. If I don’t act on my feelings…” A sly smile crept over her face. “I figure if I leave my black leather jumpsuit in the bottom drawer and lock up my nipple ring-”

“Nipple ring?” I interrupted in a hoarse whisper, but I could see from her ready grin that she was just kidding about the nipple ring. I wasn’t so sure about the jumpsuit.

“Is there anybody special?” I dared to ask.

Emma was staring at another one of the admirals, two or three portraits down from Admiral Crowe. “This summer, while on leave?” She stared at the wall dreamily, and I knew Emma was miles away, on some deserted South Pacific beach, perhaps. She shuddered, dragging herself almost physically back to the present. “Well, let’s just say that something crystallized for me on Waikiki, and after that I knew there was no going back.”

“I’m glad you told me,” I said.

“You’re right, though, Hannah. It’s not going to get any easier. Take Kevin, for example.” She closed her eyes and tilted her head heavenward. “Take Kevin, please !”

“Kevin Hart, you mean? The guy who plays Jonas Fogg?”

She nodded. “ That Kevin. Kevin’s not the only guy who’s asked me out. I’ve actually gone on a couple of dates since I came to Annapolis, but nothing. You know?” She glanced away. “And if I don’t start dating soon, I’m afraid somebody’ll guess.”

“Nobody will guess, Emma, if you don’t tell them-” I shut my mouth as an officer dressed in Navy khakis walked by the back of my chair on his way into Maury. When he’d disappeared through the door, I continued. “They’ll just think you’re a Hall Rat, a dedicated mid, working hard and sacrificing your social life to stay at the top of your class.”

We sat in silence. “Kevin does seem to be attracted to you,” I said after a few minutes had ticked by.

“Well, if I ever did decide to have a go with a guy, it certainly wouldn’t be with Kevin. He’s driving me bonkers!”

“What’s the problem? He’s certainly attractive.”

“Oh, right. In a me-Tarzan-you-Jane kind of way. I should take out a restraining order.”

I laughed out loud. “His dad’s an admiral, I hear.”

“And Kevin never lets us forget it. What a prick!” I imagined she was thinking about Kevin when she pressed her empty soda can between her palms and squashed it flat. “And now his mom’s hanging around, too.” She laughed uneasily. “One big happy family.”

“I was with Kevin’s mom last night,” I told Emma, as if she didn’t know. “I’m helping with the sets for Sweeney Todd . I don’t mean to be nosy, Emma, but when we were leaving the building, we saw you talking to Kevin. You didn’t seem very happy.”

“Oh, that! Kevin asked me out-again!-but I told him no. We’re in the same company. Mids aren’t allowed to date other mids in their company.”

“But that’s the perfect excuse! You can remind Kevin that you can’t go out with him. It’s against the rules.”

“You’d think, but he was pressuring me to take a love chit. Can you believe it? I told him to pound sand.”

“A what chit?” I couldn’t believe that I’d heard Emma correctly.

“A love chit. That’s not its official name, of course, but if you fall in love with somebody in your company, and you want to date, you can request permission to be moved to another company.” She moaned. “As if I’d take a love chit for Kevin, or for anybody else, for that matter! I like my company; my best friends are in my company.”

Emma began playing with a button on the front of her shirt, twisting it absentmindedly until I began to fear for the thread. “So, I figure I’ll just go on as I have been. Mind my own business. Graduate. Take my commission. The worst that will happen is that someday the Navy will find out I’m a lesbian and they’ll kick my ass out anyway, but at least I’ll go out proud, holding a B.S. degree in engineering and knowing how to fly a goddamn airplane.”

I couldn’t imagine living a double life like that. What if the strong physical attraction that Paul and I had for each other were suddenly against the law, the lovemaking we enjoyed not even legal in the privacy of our own bedroom? What if Paul could lose his job simply for loving me? It was unthinkable.

“Emma?” I touched her hand where it lay gripping the arm of her chair. “Are you sure?”