Marcia Talley - Dead Man Dancing

‘Very much,’ I cooed.

‘More than I thought I would,’ Paul added. I hoped he was being truthful.

Jay smiled, nodded in acknowledgement, and then turned back to Ruth. ‘So, you never answered me, señorita . Will we be seeing the bridegroom tonight?’

‘He was in court today, but if he’s not held up by a client, I expect he’ll show up for the regular session at seven.’

‘Ah. That’s good, then.’ From his 6' 4" (two inches of it heels) Jay beamed down on her. ‘Kay tells me you’re a quick study. Would you honor me with a dance before class starts?’

Ruth blushed attractively. She’d been doing an inordinate amount of that lately. She flapped a dismissive hand. ‘Me? My gosh, I couldn’t!’

Jay seized Ruth’s hand, tucked it under his arm and led her on to the dance floor. ‘Nonsense! Chance, cue up a waltz, will you, please?’

Paul and I watched, open-mouthed, as my sister was whisked off in the arms of the handsomest man in the state of Maryland, twirling and swirling around the floor to the tune of ‘Wonderful, Wonderful Copenhagen’ .

Holy cow . If Hutch walked in right now, what would he make of the euphoric grin on Ruth’s face? And then I remembered Kay, pouncing on Hutch like a mother lion and carrying him off, a helpless cub, to her den.

‘Well, dear,’ my late mother seemed to be whispering in my ear, ‘isn’t there an old saying? “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.”’

But I was thinking goose, hell. If this keeps up, before long the proverbial fur is going to fly.

‘So,’ I said when Jay finally released my sister, ‘I’m dying of curiosity. What does he want?’

Ruth shrugged. ‘I’m not sure. Probably hopes to sweet-talk us into signing up for another package.’ She grinned. ‘He is a charming son-of-a-gun, isn’t he?’

‘I’d have thought you’d jump at the chance to continue taking lessons. I haven’t seen you so nuts about anything since you took up tie-dying broomstick skirts in the seventies.’

Ruth frowned. ‘I do love dancing, Hannah. It makes me feel young and alive. But I have to be realistic. I’ve got Mother Earth to worry about, and the wedding.’ She chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. ‘No, we bought the wedding package, and a couple of extra lessons, but that’s it. All the arm-twisting and charm in the world isn’t going to convince me to sign a contract for some overpriced lesson package that neither of us needs, or has the time for.’

‘I’ve heard some of the major studio chains use high-pressure tactics to get you to join up, but Jay and Kay simply aren’t like that,’ I said. ‘According to the J & K brochure, the next level up is the 600 package: six privates, six groups, six parties, six hundred dollars. Sounds harmless enough.’

‘I’ll tell you one thing,’ Ruth said. ‘I won’t do anything without Hutch. Can you imagine the creeps who show up for lessons with ridiculous comb-overs, bad teeth and damp hands wanting to dance with you? Ugh! Six hundred dollars sounds like a deal, until you realize that any serial rapist with six hundred dollars in his pocket could sign up for dance lessons, too.’

Ruth grabbed my arm. ‘Hannah, you and Paul come along when he talks to us. Keep me focused. OK?’

I laughed. ‘Oh, I think you and Hutch can take care of yourselves!’

‘No, I’m serious. Remember the time we won a free weekend in Virginia and they practically locked us up until we agreed to buy a timeshare in their stupid resort?’

I laughed, remembering how Ruth and I, in desperation, had staged a fight, screaming, swearing, name-calling and hurling abuse at one another until the salesman couldn’t show us the door fast enough. ‘It won’t be like that at all,’ I assured her.

Ruth didn’t look convinced. ‘I have a hard time saying no to telephone solicitors, for heaven’s sake. In case you didn’t notice, Jay has oodles of charm. I might find him impossible to resist.’

‘Ruth!’

‘Not that way, silly. But he’s soooo charismatic. If Jay were a TV preacher, I’d be claiming Jesus as my personal saviour and singing and sweeping the ceiling with the rest of his acolytes.’

‘Sweeping the ceiling?’

Ruth’s arms shot ceiling-ward and she began to sway, singing, ‘He is wonderful, He is merciful,’ in a fluty soprano.

I had to bop her with my purse to get her to stop. ‘Behave yourself!’

‘OK, but only if you agree to come along. Otherwise I might have to cover my ears and go “nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-I’m-not-listening-to-you” whenever Jay’s talking.’

I laughed out loud. ‘It’s not going to be like that at all, Ruth.’

And for once, I was right.

‘Ah,’ Jay said from behind his desk as Kay escorted the four of us into his office later that evening. ‘I was expecting Hutch and Ruth, but I seem to have won the lottery.’

‘We’re family,’ I said, as if that explained everything.

‘Yes. I understand. Completely.’ Jay shuffled through the papers on his desk, moving a page from the bottom to the top of the stack, as if Paul and my presence had changed everything. ‘Have a seat, please. Kay, you, too.’

When we were all comfortably settled, Jay turned his liquid eyes on me. ‘Not to denigrate the remarkable progress you and your husband have made over the course of the past several weeks…’ He paused, while next to me, Paul beamed. ‘But I have to be honest. I called you in this evening primarily to talk about Ruth.’

Ruth nearly fell out of her chair. ‘Me?’

‘Yes, you, señorita . Your advancement has been nothing short of extraordinary.’

I resisted rolling my eyes. Ruth had been right. We were in for some major league flimflam.

After a moment, Jay turned his attention to Hutch. ‘Hutch, of course, only needs a bit of brush up to get back up to speed, even after twenty-five years.’

Get back up to speed for what? I wondered.

Jay put his hands together, fingertip to fingertip and moved them up and down, like a spider doing push-ups on a mirror. He cleared his throat. ‘Have you ever heard of Shall We Dance? ’

‘The TV show?’ Hutch asked.

‘That’s the one. To get right to the point, there’s a new season next year, and they’re holding open auditions in Baltimore on February 8th. I think you have a chance of making it.’

Several moments of stunned silence was shattered by Paul. ‘What’s Shall We Dance? ’

‘It’s an American Idol -style reality show,’ Kay explained, although how that would help Paul understand is anybody’s guess as he never watched American Idol, Survivor, Big Brother or any kind of so-called Unreality TV. ‘Instead of individuals competing, though, it’s dancing couples,’ she continued. ‘They start with twelve couples, all amateurs, and each week two are eliminated until there’s only one couple remaining.’

Ruth paled. ‘I couldn’t. I’m not ready.’

Kay rose from her chair and laid a comforting hand on Ruth’s shoulder. ‘Yes you can, and we can help you. If you agree to this, Jay will coach you privately, twice a week. Then, we’ll put you together with Hutch, and work up a dynamite routine.’

‘Jesus.’ Ruth said.

Hutch, who had been slumped in his chair like Raggedy Andy, suddenly came to life. ‘I’m game if you are, sweetheart.’

Ruth wagged her head. ‘This is all too sudden, I can’t even think.’

‘How much will it cost?’ I asked, remembering my promise to help Ruth keep her head.

‘Cost?’ Jay puffed air out of his lips, as if I’d insulted him. ‘Absolutely nothing.’

Kay smiled benevolently. ‘If you make it through the auditions and get on to the show, it will be a priceless advertisement for J & K. That is our payback. That is our hope.’