Doug Allyn - Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine. Vol. 104, No. 4 & 5. Whole No. 633 & 634, October 1994

“How can I? I feel as if I’ll never enjoy another moment’s peace of mind.”

She felt sure that by now Guy Subjack must know his attempt to kill her had failed, but how could one predict what a person deranged by love or by hate might do? He must know there was no way the police could prove he’d attacked her even if she gave them his name, so it wasn’t likely he’d panic and run away. Irina could not shake off the fear that he might try again. She remembered how his voice had rung with conviction when he’d said the only way they’d be finished was if one of them ended up in the cemetery.

“You know I’m here to protect you,” Darwin said.

“Now, yes, but what about tomorrow and the day after? When I’m here alone.”

He smiled and reached for her hand. “My dear, you’re not going to be alone. I’m taking a couple of weeks off from the clinic. I wouldn’t dream of leaving you alone right now.”

She squeezed his hand. “Oh, darling, I wouldn’t have blamed you, you know, if you’d simply left me there to die.”

“Irina!”

“No, I mean it.”

“How could you even think such a terrible thought?”

“Because I’ve been a rotten wife. Maybe it took a brush with death to make me realize how lucky I’ve been. And how unfairly I’ve treated you.”

This outburst of remorse was entirely sincere. The experience had shaken her to the depths. That boredom and restlessness had driven her into a series of casual brief affairs she could understand, but that she could have been so blind to the possibly dangerous consequences of her folly made her wonder if she herself could be emotionally unstable to the point of madness.

“Nonsense,” he said. “You’ve been a perfect wife.”

There was no trace of satire in the remark, which made her feel even more guilty. “By taking you for granted? By deceiving you?”

“If that’s true, I’ve only myself to blame.”

“You’re much too forbearing, you know that. To think if it weren’t for you...”

He rebuked her with a smile. “I don’t want your gratitude, foolish girl.”

“I will try to be a better wife, I promise.”

“Have I often complained?”

“No. Maybe that’s been part of the problem.”

“Then we shall both turn over new leaves.” He looked again at the dragonfly, so beautiful and voracious. “Believe it or not, there is a bright side to all this if it teaches us to value what we have.”

Two days later the phone rang when Darwin was at work in his study.

“Irina? Are you alone?”

Guy’s voice, which had once so excited her, produced only a thrill of horror. “You must be insane!” she cried. “If it weren’t for my husband I would have told the police about you. And I will, I swear I will if you ever call me or try to come near me again.”

Not waiting for his reply she quickly hung up the phone and hugged her trembling body.

A week later Daversa paid them a visit. Darwin greeted him at the door. Irina was working in the garden.

“I’ve put off contacting you, hoping I’d have something. Unfortunately, we’ve simply nothing at all to go on.”

“Irina will be disappointed.”

“How is she?”

Darwin pulled a long face. “I’m worried about her. I can’t leave her alone, not even for an hour. She’s in a constant state of nerves. The slightest noise alarms her. She jumps whenever the phone rings, and she can’t sleep.”

“It’ll take time.” Daversa hesitated. “Dr. Russell, as long as we’re alone I feel obliged to ask a rather indelicate question. Has your wife given you any cause at all to suspect she might have held something back?”

Darwin looked at him with astonishment. “Good lord, what are you implying?”

“Sir, it clearly appears from all the evidence that someone came here with the deliberate intention of killing your wife. Someone, I’m assuming for argument’s sake, who knew she would be alone. So the question remains: Why did he want to kill her? I must ask you this: Could there be someone in your wife’s past who might bear a grudge against her? A murderous grudge?”

“Impossible. We’ve been married fifteen years.”

“She’s considerably younger than you, sir, and a beautiful woman.”

“A disgruntled lover, is that what you’re suggesting?”

“I take it you find the notion unlikely?”

“I find it preposterous.”

The detective looked at him as if he thought the doctor’s denial might be a bit too fervent for belief.

“I’m sorry, but you do realize we’re fishing in the dark.”

“A maniac, Lieutenant. It’s the only possible explanation.”

Daversa had no sooner left the house than Irina appeared in the doorway.

“Thank you, Darwin.”

“You heard?”

“Why didn’t you tell him about Alex?”

“My dear, that was two years ago. We agreed never to mention it again.”

“I’m sorry, but I am grateful for your not telling Daversa about him. As if Alex could ever have done anything like that. The idea’s ludicrous.”

Darwin took her in his arms. “This can’t go on, you know. Eventually I’m going to have to return to the clinic. You simply must try to put all this behind you.”

“No! You can’t leave me alone. Not yet.”

“Irina, we must resume a normal life.”

She tried to find the courage to tell him the truth, but could not; better to risk her life by remaining silent than the death of her marriage, the marriage that now meant everything to her, by speaking out. “You’re right, I know, darling. Please, just be patient with me.”

“My dear, haven’t I always been?”

The days passed with no visible sign of improvement in Irina’s mental state; a full-fledged anxiety neurosis threatened, with the usual physical manifestations: depression, chronic sleeplessness, and weight loss. Her eyes were shadowed and wore a constantly haunted look. At her insistence, she and Darwin were again occupying the same bedroom; even with the windows locked she could not bear sleeping alone. Their social life was nonexistent.

Darwin tried to reason with her. “You must begin seeing people. You can’t live like this.”

“I don’t want people ,” she retorted bitterly. “I’ve had too many people. You’re the only one I need. The only one I can trust and feel safe with. Promise you won’t ever leave me.”

“As if I ever would.”

“God knows I gave you every reason to.”

“Past history, my dear. I love you. I always have. Did you suppose I’d let Alex ruin our lives?”

“Before Alex there were others. You know that.”

“But after Alex you gave me your word you would never be unfaithful again. That was enough for me.”

Finally the day arrived when Darwin knew he must take a firm hand.

“I want you to depend on me, Irina, but your dependence is becoming almost pathological. You simply must pull yourself together.”

She pleaded, implored, and finally raged, but he was resolved. He must return to work. When neither tears nor words would sway him, Irina insisted she could not stay in the house alone without protection.

“My dear, you’re not suggesting I hire a bodyguard, surely.”

“A gun. You must buy me a gun. I must be able to defend myself if anything like that happens again.”

He could not discourage the idea, and so he bought her a gun and taught her how to use it, though with the gravest misgivings. He was troubled by disturbing visions of Irina mistaking some casual caller for an intruder and perhaps shooting an innocent man. Yet possession of the weapon did seem to produce a calming effect on her nerves. She was less easily agitated, and at night, with Darwin at one side and the gun in the bedside table at her other side, she was able to sleep again.