Doug Allyn - Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine. Vol. 131, No. 3 & 4. Whole No. 799 & 800, March/April 2008

Rose worked her hands into her gloves and picked up a shovel.

“We’re gonna dig.”

It was hard work, digging. No one here had ever before developed a callus, though Corrine had once had a humongous blister after a strenuous tennis session. Now all three young women had hardened calluses on their hands, even though they wore gloves. They’d been digging for almost a month.

Easy to imagine their disappointment and near panic when they stopped digging for the day, switched off the lights they’d strung in the tunnel, and climbed back up into the tie shop to wash up in the half-bath and leave — and encountered three uniformed cops.

Rose was as alarmed as the others, but she sensed immediately that there was something out of kilter here. Something not right with what was wrong.

These cops were lounging around where they were bound to be seen when the diggers emerged, because they’d opened the curtain to the back room. One was seated on the counter near the register, another slouched on the floor, and the third was leaning against a wall near a tie display with the casual but watchful attitude of someone waiting for a bus. The leaning one was the man who’d earlier that day purchased the yellow and green tie with the staring-eye pattern.

Scary, Rose thought. Lots of blue uniform, glistening black leather, shiny silver badges. And they were pointing their guns at the bank robbers.

“Holy smokes!” Donna said.

“Oh, wow, no!” cried Corrine.

“I didn’t think you looked honest enough to be a cop,” Rose said to the one who’d bought the tie.

“Well, you’ve got me there,” he said, with his irritating smile. He straightened up away from the wall in a way that made him appear to have been stuck to it. “My name’s Laker.” He motioned backhanded toward the cop on the counter. “Officer Fink.”

Fink smiled and nodded. He was a pink-eyed, skinny guy with hair redder than Donna’s.

“And Officer Andrepinino.”

Andrepinino had classic Latin good looks, only his nose was way too long and had a bump in it. He also smiled and nodded.

“Are you going to read us our rights?” Donna asked Fink, since he was the only other natural redhead.

The three cops glanced at each other, then returned their guns to their holsters.

Oh-oh , Rose thought. Here we go.

“We’re with the Six-Ten Precinct, the Safe and Loft unit,” Laker said.

“You guys are one unit?” Corrine asked.

“You wouldn’t know it to look at us,” Laker said, “but we are. We’ve had you ladies under observation for the past several weeks and couldn’t help but notice you’ve set about robbing the bank across the street.”

“Oh,” Donna said, “that one.” She smiled at Fink, who cocked his head sideways and stared mesmerized at her.

“It’s our job,” Laker said, “to arrest you.”

“Our duty,” Fink said.

“But you’re not going to,” Rose said.

“Bingo,” Fink said, still looking at Donna as if maybe he was going to beg for a treat.

“We’ve researched you three ladies,” Laker said. “We know your names and backgrounds.”

“Very wealthy ladies,” Andrepinino said.

“He speaks,” Rose said.

“But not to our superior officers or the district attorney,” Laker said. “Not yet. Same goes for Fink and me. Nobody knows about you and your plans except the six of us.”

“Are we going to have to choose between jail or a fate worse than death?” Donna asked, looking at Fink as if she’d already chosen.

“Don’t misunderstand, ladies,” Laker said. “This isn’t about choosing. We’re here to kidnap you.”

“Grand,” Rose said.

“Think about it,” Laker said. “It’s not a bad idea. You aren’t about to rob Sixth National for the money; you are what we on the force call rebellious youth — among other things. So what you’re going to do, instead of fifteen to twenty for attempted bank robbery, is cooperate in your kidnapping and help us hold up your wealthy parents. Assuming they’ll pay the ransoms, which we’ll split with you. Rich people like you surely have abduction insurance, so your folks will be reimbursed for the ransom money, which means nobody gets hurt even financially.”

“I never heard of abduction insurance,” Rose said.

“You don’t attend Pierpont University without it,” Laker told her.

“Oh.”

“We’re going to take you from here to a nice place out in the country, where one of us will stay with you all the time. We know you ladies are used to luxuries. You’ll have TV and magazines to read, good food and drink — everything but a phone. You’ll play along with the ransom demands and provide proof that you’re still alive, and you’ll talk your families into not contacting the authorities. I suspect all three of you are good at talking people into things.”

“And out of,” Donna said.

Andrepinino shook his head. “Not us, though.”

No one said anything for a long time.

“That’s it?” Rose finally asked.

Laker nodded. “It. And miles safer than robbing a bank.”

Rose looked at Corrine, who looked at Donna, who looked at Fink.

“I like it,” Rose said. Donna nodded. Corrine looked prettily concerned, then also nodded.

Laker smiled. This was going nicely. “You will now accompany us to our SUV parked outside. It seats eight, six comfortably, and the windows and locks are controlled from the driver’s seat.”

“You’re not arresting us,” Donna said, “but we’re still your prisoners.”

“Definitely,” Fink said.

“Um,” Donna said.

“What about clothes?” Corrine asked. “And cosmetics?”

“You can give us a shopping list,” Laker said.

The three hostages smiled at the word shopping.

“You boys have thought of everything,” Rose said.

“Nobody thinks of everything,” Laker said, “or it would be a boring world.”

Rose found herself beginning to like him.

Two hours later the six collaborators were secured in a rambling log hunting lodge in a remote spot near a remote lake in a remote forest. The windows had been boarded up and the doors secured by dead-bolt locks that could only be opened with keys. The cops were seated in leather armchairs in a room whose paneled walls were festooned with antlers. Their willing victims were visible at the other end of the vast room, seated at a round oak table and working on shopping lists. They seemed to be having a good time.

“You sure nobody’ll show up at this place?” Andrepinino asked.

“It’s only used in the winter during deer season,” Laker said. He stood up from his comfortable chair and listened to the sigh of air from the cushion. When this was over, maybe he’d buy a chair just like it. “You take first shift keeping an eye on our collaborators,” he said to Andrepinino.

Andrepinino nodded. “I’ll cook up some dinner for us. I doubt any of those ladies can cook.”

“They know how to order from a menu,” Laker said. “That’s about it.”

“You two wanna hang around and eat with the ladies and me?” Andrepinino asked. “I think I’ll do something with eggplant.”

“Sounds good, but we’re going to be busy.”

“Making those ransom calls?”

“We can do that tomorrow,” Laker said.

Andrepinino raised his eyebrows. “Then what are you gonna do?”

“We’re going to dig,” Laker said.

“Dig deep as you have to,” J. Herbert Knifer, president, chairman, and CEO of Knifer Consolidated Industries, said to his chief of security, Otto Lugar. “Find the scum who snatched my daughter. No one—” he pointed an ominous finger at Lugar — “and I mean no one, takes something that belongs to J. Herbert Knifer.”