Содзи Симада - Murder in the Crooked House

“Then please allow me to show you the way,” said Kozaburo Hamamoto, getting to his feet.

When Kozaburo opened the door to the Tengu Room, we were greeted by the giant clown. This particular doll was mounted on a stand, so there was no way it could move.

“Whoa! This is the clown from Sleuth !” said Kiyoshi as soon as he saw it.

“Oh, you’ve seen that film?” said Kozaburo, clearly delighted.

“Three times. I think the critics were right about it being a B-movie, but I liked it.”

“It’s one of my favourites. I saw the play in England too. I think it’s well done. That’s partly where my interest in collecting all this junk came from. It was so colourful, and the music of Cole Porter was a perfect match. I’m so glad to know you’re familiar with that film.”

“Does this clown laugh and clap its hands like the one in the film?”

“Unfortunately, to borrow your words, it’s just a wooden dummy. I searched all over Europe, but I couldn’t find one like that. I think it must have been constructed especially for the film. Or perhaps it was just a trick of the camera.”

“That’s a pity… So, where is he?”

Without waiting for a reply, Kiyoshi dashed off farther into the room. Kozaburo set off after him and pointed to the corner.

“There he is… Oh, he… Well, that’s shocking.”

Kiyoshi’s loud voice surprised everyone. (Most of the people from the salon had followed us up to Room 3.)

“That’s no good at all. No you can’t do that. He’s naked. That can’t be permitted, Mr Hamamoto!”

Kiyoshi was getting quite worked up.

“Why’s that?”

“This doll is the very embodiment of warped hatred. And it’s had two hundred years to accumulate. But no—it’s more. He’s the very incarnation of all the grudges held by the Jewish people as they’ve suffered persecution after persecution. To display him naked like this is an insult, humiliation. You can’t do this. It’s extremely dangerous. This is the cause of every tragedy that has ever occurred in this house. You have to do something. Mr Hamamoto, I can hardly believe that a man of your knowledge can have overlooked something like this!”

“B-but what can I do?”

Mr Hamamoto looked at a complete loss.

“Obviously, you have to put clothes on him. Kazumi! What about those jeans and that jacket you were saying you hardly ever wear any more? Go and fetch them!”

“Kiyoshi!”

I’d had enough of this bad joke, and was desperate to make him stop.

“I know you’ve got an old sweater in your bag too. Bring that too.”

I wanted to try and warn him to stop, and opened my mouth to say something, but he urged me again to hurry. Reluctantly, I made my way back to the salon.

When I returned with the clothes, he gleefully dressed the doll in the jeans and the sweater. By the time he put the jeans jacket over the top, he was humming a cheerful tune. By contrast, the graduates of the police academy looked as if they were sucking on lemons as they watched my friend at work. With admirable patience, they managed not to utter a word.

“So is he the murderer?”

It was Sasaki who addressed Kiyoshi.

“No doubt about it. He’s a brute.”

Kiyoshi was about done dressing Golem at this point. With clothes, the doll was even creepier looking. It looked as if some kind of vagrant had sneaked into the house.

“So you’re telling me,” said Kozaburo, “that this doll murdered two people because I left it lying here naked?”

“We’ll be lucky if we end up with only two dead,” said Kiyoshi. Then he quickly added, “This won’t do. There’s something missing.”

He folded his arms.

“He’s got a jacket and a sweater, but I still don’t think it’s enough… A hat! He needs a hat. He needs to cover that head. It really shouldn’t be left exposed. But I didn’t bring a hat with me… Has anyone here got a hat? Any kind’ll be fine. I’d like to borrow one. I promise I’ll return it.”

Kiyoshi looked over at the assembled guests. It was the chef, Haruo Kajiwara, who responded.

“Er… I’ve got one,” he said haltingly. “It’s a ten-gallon cowboy hat. Like you see in Westerns.”

“A cowboy hat!?”

Kiyoshi practically screamed it. The guests had absolutely no idea what had set off the lunatic this time. They waited on tenterhooks for his next words.

“There’s nothing better to protect us from violence. It’s like a blessing from the gods. Quick! Go fetch it!”

“Okay, then…”

Shaking his head in wonder, Kajiwara left the room and headed down the stairs. A short while later he returned with the cowboy hat.

Kiyoshi positively radiated joy from head to toe. Taking the hat, he placed it with a flourish on the doll’s head.

“Perfect! Now we’ll be safe. Thank you, Mr Kajiwara. You have done great service to this case. I can’t imagine a better hat than this for the job.”

Kiyoshi was rubbing his hands together in glee, but to me Golem looked more ghoulish than ever. Now it looked as if a real person were sitting there on the floor.

There was still a piece of string tied around his wrist. Kiyoshi examined it, announced that they ought to remove it, and immediately snapped it off. I overheard Chief Inspector Ushikoshi mutter “Stop” but it was too late.

Everyone returned to the salon and Kiyoshi chatted with Kozaburo and the rest of the guests. He seemed to get along best with Sasaki, and they talked together late into the night on the topic of mental disorders. Viewed from afar, the two men seemed to be having a friendly heart-to-heart, but I couldn’t help feeling that the medical student was interested in Kiyoshi more as a patient than a conversation partner. Still, the discussion between the psychiatrist and his patient was very calm.

The room allocated to Kiyoshi and me was the room in which Kazuya Ueda had been murdered—Room 10. I felt this made it very clear how our female host felt about us. Kohei Hayakawa was told to bring us an extra folding bed (the one in Room 10 was only a single). There was no toilet or bathroom in that room, so I used the shower in the detectives’ room to try to relax after the long day’s journey.

Still, to sleep in a room where a murder had been committed was a uniquely valuable experience. It wasn’t something you could get on your average sightseeing tour.

I was still trying to get to sleep in that uncomfortable bed when Kiyoshi came in, just after midnight.

“What kind of mental hospital did that one escape from?”

The young Sergeant Ozaki was unable to control his anger any longer.

“I mean, what could have possessed them to send that complete idiot for us to babysit?”

That night, the detectives had assembled in Room 15. Constable Anan was there too.

“Never mind, Ozaki,” said Ushikoshi soothingly. “The man is definitely not normal, but that is who Superintendent Nakamura at Tokyo HQ trusted enough to send. Let’s take this opportunity to observe his skills a while.”

“His skills? We’ve seen them already. The ability to put a pair of trousers on a doll!”

“Our job’d be a whole lot easier if we could catch a suspect by dressing up a doll,” Okuma remarked.

“I’ve never seen such a complete and utter moron in my whole life,” said Ozaki. “Letting that one loose on this case is not going to help the investigation one iota. He’s going to screw the whole thing up.”

“But you can’t claim that putting trousers on the doll has hindered the investigation in any way, can you?”

“Right now he is so pleased with himself playing around with that doll that if there’s another murder, he’ll probably start spraying ketchup on the body.”