Ник Сайнт - Purrfectly Deadly

“I have absolutely no idea,” I said, though perhaps this breaking up of the band had hit Harriet more than she let on. Being forced to choose between your best friends and your boyfriend must be a tough proposition, and it was obvious that Harriet wasn’t taking it well.

“Maybe we should make friends with Brutus,” Dooley said now.

“Never,” I told him adamantly. “That cat is the worst thing that has ever happened to this town, and we can’t let him think he’s defeated us.”

“But why can’t we simply try to get along?” asked Dooley.

I knew that the only reason he wanted to extend the olive branch was so he could get Harriet back into our lives.

I stopped mid-stride. “Look, Brutus is the enemy of everything we hold dear. If we let him, he will turn Hampton Cove into a prison camp.”

“I think you’re exaggerating, Max. I think deep down he’s not such a bad cat. He’s just… socially awkward.”

This was just too much. “You mean like Hitler was socially awkward? Or Stalin? That cat is the enemy, Dooley, and don’t you forget it!”

Dooley stared at me. “But I miss her, Max. I miss having Harriet around.”

“Well, that’s her choice. If she wants to hang with that cat and not with us, tough luck.”

“Tough luck for me,” said Dooley moodily.

“Look, I don’t like this situation either,” I told him. “I like Harriet and I miss her. But if we don’t stand firm on this, it’s the end of life as we know it.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he muttered.

It was obvious he was weakening. In the fight against the enemy, the enemy was winning crucial points. If even my best friend was already thinking about throwing in the towel, things were looking very glum indeed. I gave Dooley a gentle tap on the shoulder. “Hey. Don’t look so glum, chum.”

“I look glum because I feel glum,” he said glumly.

“Look, we’ll solve this murder and show Brutus he’s not the boss of us. Maybe then he’ll admit he was wrong to try and bully us into submission.”

“You think so?” Dooley asked, looking a little less glum.

“Of course. It works both ways. Harriet might be sent by Brutus to convince us to play ball, but two can play that game. We can use our influence on Harriet to convince Brutus he’s the one that should change.”

“I like that,” said Dooley softly.

I liked it, too. Though I doubted very much if Brutus was the kind of cat that could be persuaded to change his tune. Some cats simply never change.

Chapter 9

Odelia parked her aged, old pickup in front of the health food store. She’d been there a couple of times. Though she wasn’t big on health food solutions, she had been taking her daily vitamins lately, hoping they would give her the advertised energy boost. Her mom was the bigger fan, and Gran, too. Every time Odelia was over at her parents’ place she saw how her mom and grandma popped the herbal capsules by the dozen, probably hoping to extend their lifespan or to cure some disease they hadn’t yet contracted.

She entered the store and for a moment spent some time perusing the displays and the shelves stocked full. From fat reducing pills to stuff guaranteed to boost the immune system, she was sure her mom had tried them all. She picked up a box of capsules that promised to add extra Omega-3 fatty acids to her diet and reduce joint pain, and walked up to the counter at the back of the store. A man with a hipster beard and horn-rimmed glasses greeted her with a jovial smile. “Found something, hon?”

“I, um…” She wondered how to launch into a line of questioning that would lead the man to confess he was JPG’s drug supplier, and placed the box on the counter. “I found these,” she said with a fake grin. How easy it would be if she could just get Uncle Alec to let her flash a fake police badge. People answered all kinds of questions when they thought you were a cop.

“If you buy a second item today it’s fifty percent off,” said the guy.

“Actually I was wondering if you have something a little stronger?”

He eyed her over his glasses for a moment. “Stronger than Omega-3? What about the Omega-3-6-9 complex? More bang for your buck.”

She quickly checked left and right, making a display of trying to be discreet. Inadvertently the man moved a little closer. “I’m having a hard time relaxing at night,” she said. “And it’s taken a toll on my…” She felt a blush creep up her cheeks. “On my love life,” she finally whispered.

A smile now spread across the man’s face, although it was hard to see through that bushy beard. “You need something to boost your love life?”

“Yeah, something really powerful,” she said. “Something… awesome.”

He nodded. “I’ve got exactly what you need right here.” He rummaged around beneath the counter for a moment, and Odelia’s heart skipped a beat.

Now she was getting somewhere. But instead of vials of GHB, he carefully placed a small box on the counter. She leaned in and saw that it said, ‘Firm Up Your Sex Life with Ginseng—Bedroom Miracle Cure.’

“How about that, huh?” the salesman asked. “That should hit the spot.”

“I…” She gestured at the ginseng. “Is that the best you can do? I mean,” she corrected herself, “Is that the most potent stuff in the store?”

“Sure is, hon. And all yours for nineteen-ninety-nine. Real bargain. Before you know it, you and your boyfriend will be humping like rabbits.” When she glared at him, he quickly corrected, “Or you and your girlfriend?”

She probably shouldn’t have mentioned her non-existent love life, but that didn’t give this guy the right to become personal. “Look, buster,” she said, running out of patience with this oversized bearded hobbit, “I know for a fact that you sell Liquid G out of this shop and don’t you dare deny it.”

At this, his perfectly groomed rectangular beard waggled. “Liquid G? I think you’re mistaking me for someone else, honey. This is a health food store. I strictly deal in health food solutions, not drugs.”

“Oh, yes, you do,” suddenly a gruff voice sounded behind Odelia.

She didn’t even have to turn around to know who the voice belonged to. “Why is that wherever I go you keep showing up, Detective Kingsley?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Miss Poole,” he returned, then flashed his badge to the man behind the counter, who was still clutching the ginseng. “Please tell me you can do better than that,” he said, gesturing at the ginseng.

The man looked horrified. “You’re both cops?”

“No, Miss Poole is a reporter for the Hampton Cove Gazette. I’m with the Hampton Cove PD, Mr. Haggis. She likes to think she’s a cop, though.”

“I was doing great before you showed up,” she snapped.

“Yeah, you were doing fantastic. So you’re having issues with your love life, huh?”

“You heard that?” she asked, that blush creeping further up her cheeks.

“Even if I hadn’t wanted to, it was unavoidable. Your voice carries.”

“I was trying to be discreet,” she said, giving him her best scowl.

“And failing miserably, as usual.” He turned to the shopkeeper. “Mr. Orville Haggis, I presume? Owner and proprietor of The Vitamin King?”

“Uh-huh.”

“The question still stands, Orville. Were you selling GHB to JPG?”

The man’s mouth opened, then closed again, causing his beard to move as if operating on a hinge. Finally, he admitted, “Yes, I was.” He sighed, closing his eyes. “You wouldn’t believe how much ginseng you have to sell to make a living around here. So I have to supplement my income by shifting some of the more pricey items on the side. Johnny kept me in business.”