Ник Сайнт: Purrfect Revenge

“This is the director of the show,” Shayonne said. “Alejandro Salanova.” Odelia expected Shayonne to introduce her, but apparently she wasn’t important enough. “Have you filmed the body?” she asked, sounding more like a producer than a mourning sister.

“Not yet,” said Alejandro. “The cops won’t let us. They say it’s a crime scene and we’re not allowed inside until they remove the body.”

“Crap,” said Shayonne, then turned to Odelia. “You’re a cop, right? Can’t you arrange for Alejandro and his crew to shoot the body and the head?”

“I, um…” Odelia was lost for words. She’d known the Kenspeckles had a show to run, but she’d figured this tragedy would put a stop to all of that. “Aren’t you going to cancel the show now that your sister… is dead?”

Shayonne’s eyebrows rose fractionally. “Cancel the show? Honey, this is the best thing that could have happened to us.”

“We’ll shoot right up in the ratings,” said Alejandro. He stuck up his index finger for emphasis. “Numero uno, baby!”

“We’ve been dropping in the ratings,” Shayonne explained. “It’s time to reclaim the top spot again, and this whole murder thing just might do it.”

She stared at the woman, wondering if she was a human or a robot.

Shayonne turned away. “Just muscle your way in there. Don’t take no for an answer. Get a few good shots of the body and the head before it’s too late.”

And with these words she stalked off to give further instructions to Alejandro and his crew. Odelia watched them walk into the house and realized her jaw was still on the floor. She hitched it up and walked over to the loungers to join Max and the cats. She plunked down, shaking her head.

“The killer was wearing some kind of long black robe,” said Max.

“Uh-huh,” she said, watching as the cameraman started filming inside the dining room, ignoring the protestations of several police officers nearby.

“Clarice saw the whole thing. She was right there when it happened.”

This time Max caught her attention. “She witnessed the murder?”

“Yep. She told us the whole story in exchange for a juicy steak. Why does Brutus get to eat steak and we don’t, Odelia? I like steak. We all do.”

“Meat is expensive, buddy. A reporter’s salary will only get you so far.”

He shook his head. “Of course. I knew that. I’m sorry. It’s just that…” He waved a paw. “That Brutus is driving me crazy. With his chicken wings and his chicken necks and his… his chicken liver.”

“Just like his master,” Odelia said. She watched as Chase and Alejandro went toe to toe, the veins in Chase’s neck pulsating. She sighed. “Though he doesn’t have a chicken neck.” She watched as he gestured with his muscular arms, threatening to wring the director’s neck. “Or chicken wings.”

This wasn’t going to end well, she thought, but then Shayonne stepped in, employing her secret weapon. Tears flowed from the reality star’s eyes as she implored Chase to allow Alejandro to shoot his ‘home movie’ so the family could forever cherish Shana’s memory. Dead puppies again. She could see Chase’s resolve weaken under the onslaught. Oh, man. This was brutal.

“Weird,” said Max, commenting on the scene.

“So weird,” she agreed. “So what did Clarice say?”

And as Max filled her in, she wondered how she was going to convey this information to Chase. They were now looking for a blood-soaked black robe and a meat cleaver. Only she couldn’t tell him. She stroked Max’s fur and he purred softly. “You’re getting raw meat tonight, buddy. You did good.”

“But I thought you said it was too expensive.”

“This is a special occasion. You just helped solve a murder.”

“Thanks, Odelia,” he murmured.

“You’re welcome.” They watched as Chase caved. Shalonda Kenspeckle had shown up. She was the spitting image of Shayonne, only her long, dark hair sported red highlights. She was rocking a clingy white top and a miniskirt. Very stylish. Now both sisters were crying their eyes out. There’s only so much a man can bear, and soon the cameraman was hoisting the camera onto his shoulder with a triumphant flourish and filming resumed.

Chase came stumbling out of the house, looking sandbagged.

“What the hell just happened?” he asked as he took a seat next to Odelia.

“Welcome to reality TV, Detective,” she said. “Try to keep up.”

Chapter 7

While Odelia and Chase tried to take control of the crime scene, Dooley, Harriet, Brutus and I were busy trying to figure out what else we could do to solve this murder case. Clarice had pulled one of her disappearing acts again and had vanished like a puff of smoke. Typical. One minute she was there, the next she was gone. And without even bothering to say goodbye.

“Are you really going to share your meat with her?” Harriet asked.

“Sure,” said Brutus. “At least until I solve this murder. The moment I catch the killer she can kiss her meat goodbye.” I noticed the big bully sounded a lot more macho now that Clarice wasn’t there to keep him in line.

“Why would Clarice kiss her meat goodbye?” asked Dooley. “Wouldn’t she just eat it?”

“It’s an expression,” I told him.

“It doesn’t make any sense. Why kiss your meat goodbye?”

“Oh, Dooley,” said Harriet with a sigh.

“Yes?” he asked, looking up.

“Just go away.”

“Go away? Go where?”

“Anywhere. Just stop asking stupid questions.”

I patted my friend on the back. “It’s all right, Dooley. You know what they say. There are no stupid questions. Only stupid answers.”

“I didn’t know they said that.”

“Well, now you do.”

“We should split up,” Brutus said. “You and Dooley go this way. Harriet and I will go that way.” He was vaguely gesturing toward the house.

“Why?” asked Dooley, remembering there are no stupid questions.

“I’ve got a better chance cracking this case than you two losers. Isn’t that right, sugar pie?”

The sugar pie bit wasn’t directed at either me or Dooley. It was meant for Harriet, who fluttered her eyelashes. “Of course I agree, honey bunch. With your intellect and my charm I’m sure we’ll crack this case right open.”

I eyed Brutus suspiciously. “You’ve got a theory, haven’t you?”

“You bet your whiskers I do. I’m surprised you don’t. It’s staring you right in the face.”

Dooley looked around. “What’s staring us in the face?”

“Oh, Dooley,” said Harriet, rolling her eyes.

“Look, whatever you think you know, I’m Odelia’s cat, so I’m the one who helps her solve the murder. So you better tell me what you know.”

Brutus grinned. “Not this time, Maxie baby. This time we’re doing things different.” He tapped his chest, like a miniature King Kong. “I’m going to solve this case. And I’m going to make sure Odelia knows it.”

I shook my head. “You can’t do that. That’s not fair.”

Harriet shrugged. “I think it’s time you learned to share, Max. You’ve had Odelia all to yourself for far too long. It’s time to share her with Brutus.”

“But-but-but,” I sputtered. I caught Brutus’s eye and I could tell he was enjoying himself. For the first time since he arrived in town he had me licked.

“That’s not very nice of you,” said Dooley. “Odelia is Max’s human.”

Harriet walked up to him. “Odelia is our human, Dooley. She cares about all of us. You. Me. Max. And now Brutus. We’re one big happy family.”

She sold it so well I almost bought it. But Odelia knew all about Brutus’s habit of bossing us around. She’d never accept him into our home if I didn’t want to. So maybe I didn’t have to worry. Even if he solved the murder first, Odelia would still love me the most. Right?