Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Heat

“Um…” Now this was going to be awkward. “Remember when Basic Instinct was on television the other night? And Odelia switched it off because there were parts that she felt uncomfortable to let us watch?”

“Oh, yes. That was way weird, huh? Some woman in some bed with some man and then suddenly there was a knife and then the woman had no clothes on?”

“Yes, that was way weird. Well, the same thing is happening with Grandma Poole right now. So I think we better not watch, Dooley.”

“You think watching it will be bad for us, Max?”

“It might be bad for our sense of taste,” I said.

We weren’t the only ones who’d noticed the frolicking old folks. Some parents close to the couple were averting their children’s eyes, while one guy was brazenly filming everything with his smartphone. Then a few irate parents approached the nearest lifeguard, who got on the phone.

“Uh-oh,” I said. “Looks like Gran’s in trouble.”

“You mean Odelia will be cross with her?”

“I think everyone will be cross with her.” Not that she’d mind. Gran doesn’t care. She does whatever she wants and listens to no one. She’s a free spirit who gets more and more out of control with each passing year. At least that’s what Odelia’s mom Marge always says. I don’t know if it’s true. Seems to me that when you’re as old as Gran, most people give you a free pass. But not today. As we watched, a police vehicle trundled up.

“Are the police going to arrest Gran?” Dooley asked.

“Looks like it. Though I’m sure that once they realize she’s the Chief’s mother, they might reconsider.”

“Why is that?”

“Because if they’re like most people, they like to hang on to their jobs.”

“You mean Uncle Alec will fire them if they arrest Gran?”

“Maybe not fire them outright, but he’ll definitely reprimand them.”

“What’s reprimand?”

“What you get when what you do isn’t what others think you should do.”

“You mean like when Brutus and Harriet got together and I didn’t like it?”

“Exactly like that.”

“I should have reprimanded Brutus.”

“He would have beaten you.”

“I can never win, can I?”

“Nope. That’s why we snitch on Brutus so Odelia can reprimand him.”

We watched as the officers approached Gran and her gentleman friend. Gran was talking very loudly, as if offended that anyone would be offended. Her friend just sat there, looking like the Sphinx of Giza. Yes, I watch National Geographic . And the Discovery Channel .

“Looks like they’re reprimanding Gran,” Dooley said. “And she’s reprimanding them.”

“And here’s Chief Alec to reprimand them all,” I said.

The Chief and Odelia had driven up in the Chief’s squad car and parked just next to our bench. He quickly descended the few steps to the beach and trudged through the powdery sand, looking none too happy.

Odelia joined us on the bench.

“So what happened?” she asked.

“Well, it was just like in Basic Instinct ,” Dooley said. “But without the knife. And when Max told me to look away, I did,” he quickly added.

Odelia laughed. “Good for you. Watching that could have scarred you for life.”

Dooley’s eyes went wide. “You think so?”

“Didn’t I tell you? She’s a doctor,” I said. “She knows.”

Dooley gulped. “Good thing I looked away when I did. My health isn’t what it used to be and I don’t think I should take any chances right now.”

“I’m not a doctor, Max,” Odelia said.

“No, but your dad is, and that kind of thing runs in the family,” I said, desperately winking at her in the hope she would catch my drift.

She arched an eyebrow. “Oh, I see what you mean. Because I said Dooley is in perfect health, right?”

“Right!” I said, nodding.

“What’s wrong with your eye, Max?” Dooley asked worriedly.

“Oh, just a twitch,” I said. “I get it from time to time.”

“You shouldn’t have watched Gran and that old man,” he scolded me. “Now see what you’ve done. Your eye will never be the same.”

Odelia leaned in and took a look at my eye. “Mh,” she said with a faux-serious look on her face. “I think I’ll be able to save it, Max.”

Dooley sighed with admiration. “I’m so glad you’re a doctor, Odelia. What would Max do without you? Or me, for that matter? I thought I was dying, and you saved me. And you, of course, Max. You’re the best friend.”

“Thanks, Dooley. I love you, too,” I said.

“And thanks to Max I’m going to get all the chicken I want,” Dooley continued.

“Oh? Is that a fact?” Odelia asked, her lips twitching into a smile.

“Max explained to me how the power of the mind can accomplish anything. So I’ve been thinking about chicken wings nonstop, and soon they’re going to start materializing. I’ll have more chicken wings I’ll know what to do with!”

“Just be careful you don’t start thinking about Gran and that old man,” Odelia teased. “Or else that’s what you’ll get instead of chicken.”

Dooley’s lips formed in a perfect O. “Oh. My. God! And now Gran and that old man are all I can think of! What is this witchcraft?!”

“Just relax, Dooley,” Odelia said. “I was just teasing you. Your mind may be strong, but it’s not that strong. But I think you’ll find that if you just ask Gran for a piece of chicken, she’ll be happy to give it to you.”

“Unless she’s in jail,” I said, gesturing at Chief Alec going toe to toe with his mother.

“She’s not going to jail,” Odelia assured us. “She’s just going to get a slap on the wrist.”

“And a reprimand,” Dooley added.

Odelia laughed. “I see you’ve been adding new words to your vocabulary. Well done, Dooley.”

“Max taught me. He’s been teaching me a lot.”

Odelia cut a critical eye at me. “So I see. Maybe too much, huh, Max?”

I shrugged. “Just trying to help.”

“Yeah, right,” she said with a smirk.

Gran got dressed, and so did the elderly gentleman she was having relations with. All around, people were watching, and the man with the smartphone was still filming. This whole thing would probably be on the Internet tonight.

“Show’s over, folks!” the Chief was shouting, holding up his hands. “Go back to your business. And you, you better stop filming, buddy,” he told the man.

An older couple had posted themselves next to us. They were shaking their heads in disapproval. “The exact same thing happened last night at the hotel,” the woman told Odelia apropos of nothing.

“These two were at the hotel?” Odelia asked.

“No, not these two. Another couple. We’re staying at the Hampton Springs Hotel,” the woman explained. “And down by the pool Cybil Truscott was behaving very inappropriately with the pool boy.” She pursed her lips disapprovingly. “They were… fornicating. On the pool beds! Right under our noses! I couldn’t sleep so I caught the whole thing. An absolute disgrace!”

“We complained to management, of course,” said her husband.

“Not that they’ll do anything,” the woman added. “Because Cybil Truscott is a star, and we’re just lowly guests of the hotel. So she can get away with murder.”

Odelia looked up, and both Dooley and I pricked up our ears. “Murder?” Odelia asked.

“Just a figure of speech,” said the woman. “Though I’m sure she could get away with murder. Did you hear about her husband that got killed last night?”

“But if she was… fornicating right under your noses, surely she couldn’t have done it,” Odelia said.

The woman frowned. This hadn’t occurred to her. “Well, no, but she could have hired a person to do it for her.”