Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Crime

“Brutus was awfully quiet just now,” said Dooley. “Do you think he’s sick?”

“He’s henpecked is what he is,” I said.

“Henpecked? But he’s not a hen.”

“It’s just an expression. It means Harriet is now firmly in charge of his life.”

“Oh.” Dooley thought about this for a moment. “So that’s a good thing, right?”

“I guess so.” It hadn’t stopped him from bullyragging me about my diet, though, so the extent of his henpeckedness was still an open question. My money was definitely on Harriet, though. If anyone could get Brutus to toe the line, it was her.

Our first stop was the doctor’s office, where I hoped to exchange a few words with Gran. By now she was probably ensconced behind her trusty front desk, encouraging patients waiting for a medical tête-à-tête with Odelia’s dad to sit down and be quiet, so now might be a good time to ask her what she thought about Donna and what the word on the street was.

We waltzed into the waiting room, which was empty, and headed straight for Gran. She was deeply engrossed in Donna Magazine, probably picking out what else she could buy from the site. She started when we showed up behind her, and Dooley caroled out a blithe, “Hey, Gran!”

Pressing a hand to her heart, she cried, “You scared me! Creeping up on me like that.”

“Sorry about that,” said Dooley. “We just thought we’d pay you a visit.”

“Actually we wanted to find out if you’d heard anything about the Donna Bruce case,” I said. “You know. Some new scuttlebutt or something.”

“Yeah, Odelia put Harriet in charge of the investigation but all she does is read stories about Justin Bieber on the Internet,” Dooley explained.

“I haven’t heard anything, to be honest,” said Gran thoughtfully. “People don’t really seem to be tuned into the whole Donna Bruce drama.” She shrugged her bony shoulders. “I guess Donna was an acquired taste—more for the discerning cognoscenti like me.” She tapped her glossy magazine, which was open on an article extolling the healing power of crystals. Gran leaned down and dropped her voice to a whisper. “Has another package arrived by any chance?”

We both shook our heads. “Nope,” I said.

Gran’s lips tightened into an expression of disapproval. “They promised me it would arrive today.”

“But you already had two packages today,” I reminded her.

“So? Three’s the charm. This third package is the bee’s knees. The absolute cream of the crop. It’s a…” She hesitated, taking in our curious expressions. Then she shook her head. “I’d better not tell you. This is for adults only.”

“But we are adults,” said Dooley. “I’m four, which in human years is…” He thought hard, but finally had to give up.

“You’re still too young,” said Gran. “I don’t want to spoil your innocence. Odelia would never forgive me. Which reminds me—when a new package arrives, can you let me know right away? Odelia doesn’t even have to know about it.”

“Sure,” I said. “We’ll be your eyes and ears, Gran.”

She smiled. “I will make it worth your while.” She opened a desk drawer and took out a small packet of Cat Snax, tore it open and distributed its contents on the floor.

“Oh, gee, Gran!” I cried, digging in with relish. “How did you know these are my favorite?!”

Her smile widened. “Grandmothers know these things, Max. And if you keep me informed about the UPS guy arriving, there’s a lot more where this came from.”

“But he’s not supposed to,” said Dooley. “Max, you’re not supposed to. You’re on a diet.”

“Diet schmiet,” said Gran. “You only live once, Max. So you better enjoy it while you can.”

“My kind of woman,” I said, swallowing down some more of the tasty treats.

“But he’s too fat!” Dooley cried. “Vena said he’s going to get heart ar—arithmetic.”

“Arrhythmia?” asked Gran. “Don’t listen to doctors, Dooley. They’ll only try to scare you into giving up the best things in life. Take me for example. Tex has been telling me for years I shouldn’t drink coffee. That it’s bad for me. Well, no doctor in the world is going to make me give up coffee.” And to show us she meant business, she took a sip from her cup of coffee, slurping loudly and smacking her lips with relish. “You just enjoy your Cat Snax, Max,” she said, “and don’t let that nasty Vena take them away from you.”

I looked up, having devoured the entire packet. “Thanks, Gran. I think you just graduated to being my favorite person on the planet.”

“You can’t do that,” said Dooley, alarmed. “She’s my favorite person on the planet.”

“She can be both our favorite person on the planet,” I told him.

“She can?” he asked, surprised.

“Sure. There’s no limit on how many people’s favorite person you can be.”

“Oh, crap,” Gran suddenly said, looking up in alarm. When I saw Odelia peeking down at us from across the counter, I knew we were in trouble. Big trouble.

Chapter 16

“Max! Gran!” Odelia didn’t know who she should be mad at more: Gran for providing Max with these sugary snacks that would ruin his diet, or Max for accepting and eating them.

“I was giving him what he needs,” said Gran snappishly. “You can’t expect him to subsist on such a crappy diet.”

“He’s too fat. He has to go on a diet,” she said. “If he doesn’t, he might get all kinds of diseases.”

“Says who?”

“Says Vena!”

Gran waved a deprecating hand. “Who listens to stupid doctors?”

“I do—you do—we all do!”

“Not me. Uh-uh. If I’d listened to your father I’d have stopped working a long time ago, and would be sitting at home crocheting. He seems to think that a woman my age has no business being out and about and enjoying life to the fullest.”

“That’s not true and you know it. Dad was the one who told you to work past your retirement. He said you’re way too active to sit at home and do nothing.”

“Look, Max is my baby and if I can’t even spoil my babies…”

Odelia’s eye fell on the copy of Donna Magazine. “Don’t tell me you’ve been ordering more of that Donna junk.” When her grandmother didn’t respond, she cried, “Gran!”

“What? I need this stuff. I need all of it!”

“You don’t need any of it. If Dad knew you’ve been ordering online again, he’d cut up his credit cards and make sure you never get near a computer again.”

“Well, he won’t know if you won’t tell him, will he?”

Just at that moment, the door to Dad’s office opened and Tex Poole himself walked out. Dad was a big and bluff man, well-liked and respected by the Hampton Cove community. He was also a great doctor. “What’s going on here?” he asked. “I thought a fight had broken out or something.”

“A fight has broken out,” Odelia assured him. “Gran has been giving Max Cat Snax.”

“Oh?” asked Dad. “And that’s bad because…”

“Because Max is on a diet. He’s not supposed to eat anything other than the diet kibble Vena has prescribed him.”

“Right,” Dad said. “Of course.” He wagged a dutiful finger in Gran’s face. “Only diet food from now on, Vesta. No more Cat Snax for Max.”

“But he loves his Cat Snax,” said Gran. “And look at him. He’s not fat. He’s just the right size for his body type.” To prove her point, she tried to pick Max up from the floor and deposit him on her desk. Unfortunately, the ginger cat proved too heavy and she couldn’t manage. “That doesn’t mean a thing,” she said defiantly.

Dad stepped into the breach and picked Max up and studied him. The way he was dangling from Dad’s large hands, his hind paws stretched out and his face a mask of annoyance, it appeared the ginger tabby wasn’t too happy to be handled like this.