Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Peril

“So what if your thingy falls off? Who cares?”

“I care! And Harriet will care if I can’t…” He chewed his lip again.

“She’ll find another boyfriend,” said Dooley carelessly. “Plenty of cats in the sea.”

Brutus gave him a look that could kill, and I had the distinct impression another cat fight was brewing. And since Chase wasn’t here to break up the fight, I told Dooley, “Go look for Odelia’s pill, Dooley. I’m sure it’s in the bathroom upstairs somewhere.”

His eyes lit up, like I knew they would. “She has the pill?”

“She has the pill. I’m one hundred percent sure.” More like fifty percent, but giving false hope is one of the secrets of making friends and influencing cats.

And off he was, at a happy trot. If he could find proof that Odelia was on the pill, and not about to pop out a litter of babies, he would finally be happy. And Brutus and I would have some peace and quiet to think this other pill thing through.

“Just take it,” I told Brutus. “See what happens.”

“Why don’t you take it? Then if your pee-pee stays firmly attached I’ll know it’s safe.”

I laughed. “I don’t have issues, Brutus. You do.”

“Don’t remind me,” he grunted, and unsheathed a sharp claw.

I gulped. Brutus might be domesticated, to some extent, but there was still something of the wild animal in him. “Okay, fine,” I said. “I’ll take one if you’ll take one. How is that?”

He sheathed the claw. “You would do that for me?”

“Of course.”

“Oh, Max—you’re a real pal,” he said, visibly touched.

As long as he stopped whining about his pee-pee, I was prepared to take any pill.

So I jumped on top of the chair, then on top of the table, and gobbled up one of the pills Odelia had laid out. I didn’t even need to take it with a little water. Brutus, who’d made the jump to the table in one go—admittedly he is a little slimmer than me—swallowed his pill. And then we stared at one another. Slowly, but inexorably, our gazes lowered. Then, realizing what we were doing, we both looked away again.

“I don’t feel nothing,” said Brutus after a moment.

“I don’t feel nothing either,” I confessed.

“Let’s take another pill,” said Brutus.

“I’m not taking another pill,” I said.

“Chicken.”

“Not!”

“Then take it.”

“You take it.”

“Oh, I will,” he said, and gobbled up another pill, crunching it between his teeth.

I couldn’t say no. My whole cathood depended on it. So I followed suit.

More minutes passed. Nothing happened.

“Maybe we should take another one,” said Brutus.

I decided this time to beat him to it, and we both dove for the pills.

Just as I was gobbling down pill number five, feeling mighty manly, Dooley strode in, looking a little pale around the nostrils.

“You guys,” he said, retching slightly. “I don’t feel so good.”

“What happened?” I asked.

“I found Odelia’s pills.”

“Hey, that’s good, right?”

“And then I ate one.”

“You did what?”

He retched some more. “They looked like white kibble!”

“Oh, Dooley,” I said, and then I retched, too.

Truth be told, I wasn’t feeling so hot myself.

And when I glanced over at Brutus, he looked like he was about to pass out.

Five minutes later, when Odelia walked in, back from giving Grandma the tongue-lashing the old lady deserved, she found three cats puking their guts out, with a fourth, Harriet, wearily shaking her head at so much tomfoolery. Then Harriet dug her teeth into her collar for some reason and moments later joined the rest of us in the puking department.

Chapter 18

As Odelia walked out of the house, laden with cats, she bumped into Chase, who immediately offered to take over some of the furry creatures. She unloaded Brutus and Harriet in his arms and took Max and Dooley into the car, followed by the new cat lover.

“What’s wrong with them?” he asked as he placed Brutus and Harriet on the backseat.

She took a deep breath. “As far as I can tell,” she said, slipping behind the wheel as Chase dropped down in the passenger seat, “Brutus ate too many vitamin tablets, so did Max, Dooley ate one of my pills, and Harriet tried to chew through her collar.”

“It doesn’t look good on me,” the white cat said, panting heavily. “Cramps my style.”

Chase directed a worried look at the foursome in the backseat. “You think they’ll live?”

“We’re gonna die!” Dooley cried. “I knew it! We’re dead meat!”

“They’ll live,” Odelia said, stomping on the accelerator. The car jumped away from the curb and then they were on their way to Vena—for the second time that day.

“Thank God,” said Chase. “I love the little suckers to death. Especially Max. He’s such a special cat, don’t you think? I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that about any animal. Truth.”

She frowned. He was laying it on a little thick now. “Max is great,” she said curtly. When he wasn’t getting into a pill-swallowing competition with Brutus.

“Oh, he’s fantastic,” said Chase, slapping his thigh. “I love the little guy to death. Never thought I could ever love a cat again, I mean—after what happened to Smokey.”

“I thought your cat’s name was Blackie?”

“That’s what I meant. Blackie. Dear, sweet Blackie.”

She cut a quick glance sideways. Damn, the man looked good in profile. “Did you and Uncle Alec happen to talk about Max, by any chance?”

“Nope,” he said, feigning innocence. “Not a word. Me and Alec? We talk about the Yankees and the Mets, about work, and that’s it. Not a word about cats. Why would we?”

She had the distinct impression that this sudden fondness of cats didn’t come out of nowhere. Alec had probably told Chase that the surest way to his niece’s heart was through her cats. Why else would he be all over Max all of a sudden? “You know? Now that you and Max have developed such a strong and powerful bond, maybe you can do me a favor?”

“Sure. Anything. Anything for sweet, sweet Maxie.”

“Ugh,” Max groaned from the backseat, then retched some more.

“With Grandma giving us all such a hard time, I feel I should spend some time at my parents’ house. Try to talk some sense into the old lady. Can I rely on you to catsit for me?”

He seemed taken aback. “Catsit?”

“Yeah, just, you know, make sure they’re fed and cleaned—Vena gave me a flea comb to apply with a little bit of soapy water—and don’t forget to clean out their litter box.”

He made a face. “Litter box?”

“You know, remove the old litter, scrape out the clumps of pee stuck to the bottom, wash it out with soapy water—I like to add a little bleach, too. For some reason Max loves the scent of bleach, don’t ask me why. Take a fresh sponge and a fresh pair of gloves—I hope they’re not too small for you. It’s one size fits all, though, so you should be good. Towel the box dry—use paper towels, not kitchen towels—and fill it up with about three to five inches of litter and you’re done.” She shrugged. “I don’t know why I’m telling you, though, seeing as you’re an even bigger cat person than I am. You’ve probably done this a million times.”

For a moment, Chase didn’t speak, then he said, a catch in his voice, “I may not be a bigger cat person than you, though, babe.”

“Oh?”

“The thing is—Alec told me to be extra-nice to your cats.”

“Now why would he say a thing like that?”

He turned to her. “The thing is, I like you, Odelia. I like you a lot. In fact it’s not too much to say I like you a whole damn lot—probably more than I’ve liked any woman.”