Ник Сайнт - Purrfectly Hidden. Purrfect Kill. Purrfect Boy Toy

The mouse said something else that escaped Marge, and then Brutus said, “It’s out of our paws now, Molly. I’m sorry. You brought this on yourself.”

It all sounded very ominous, Marge thought, and when Mom raised her shotgun to check if there was another round in the chamber, the mouse called Molly seemed to make a plea.

“Yeah, that’s a shotgun,” said Harriet. “And you don’t want to know what happens when that thing goes off and wipes out your entire family. It’s going to be a bloodbath.”

More pleading from the mouse, and finally Brutus said, “I know she missed that time, but that was just a warning shot. Next time she’ll shoot to kill.”

There seemed to be a lull in the proceedings, as the mice all gathered around the mouse called Molly and another, equally large mouse. Then the mice all looked up at Mom, their little noses twitching, and finally bowed their little heads. And before Marge’s very eyes, the entire troupe suddenly moved off, like a military parade, towards the hole where Boyd Baker had been buried all these years, and moments later they’d cleared out and the basement was mouse-free once more.

No one spoke for a moment, then Harriet said, “I think we did it, Brutus. I think we scared them off.”

“We did!” cried Brutus. “Can you imagine? They believed Gran would actually shoot them!”

“And you better believe it,” said Mom, raising her shotgun, her finger itching on the trigger.

“No, Ma,” said Marge, and quickly took the shotgun away from the old lady. “I can’t believe we still have that thing,” she muttered, directing a scornful look at her husband.

“It was in the tool shed,” said Gran. “Kept it there all this time. It used to belong to my late husband,” she explained for the sake of Odelia. “He brought it home from the war.”

“The big war?” asked Tex.

“Hey, I’m not that old,” she said, shooting an indignant glance at Marge’s husband.

“Looks like they’re gone now,” said Tex, still holding on to his can of deodorant.

“And good riddance, too,” said Marge.

“Well done, you guys,” said Odelia, patting Harriet and Brutus on the head.

“See? I told you those cats would do their job sooner or later,” said Mom.

“Let’s go to bed, you guys,” said Odelia, stifling a yawn. “It’s been one hell of a day.”

“It certainly has,” said Tex as they all moved back up the stairs. Before following the others, Marge darted one final look around, just to make sure all the mice had gone, and that’s when she saw that the hole Mom had made with the shotgun had revealed something stuck inside the wall. For a moment she feared it was another body, but when she moved closer she saw it was actually a small, leather-bound book. She lifted it out of its hiding place and saw that it was a diary, and that it was locked. Telling herself to give it to Odelia, she slipped it into the pocket of her apron, and promptly forgot all about it.

Chapter 24

The moment we’d long been waiting for had finally arrived: Odelia had told us that she was going to get more serious about dental hygiene and she hadn’t been kidding. The reason for this was that recently I’d lost three teeth, due to the fact that they’d apparently outlived their usefulness. Yes, it happens, even to cats. And then Vena had advised Odelia to be more proactive in dental care and now there we were, the four of us filing into the bathroom to undergo our first ever session of having our teeth brushed.

It may surprise you to know this, but cats are incapable of brushing their own teeth. I know, for super creatures like us this is a strange state of affairs but there you have it. We need a human to do the brushing for us, unfortunately.

“What do you prefer?” asked Odelia. She was holding up two dangerous-looking devices. “Manual or electric?”

I hesitated. Tough choice. “Um… what’s the difference?”

“Oh, Max, hurry up, will you?” said Harriet. “You’re holding up the line.”

“No, I just want to know what the difference is. How can I be expected to choose between two unknowns?”

“They’re not unknowns,” said Harriet. “One is manual and the other electric. How hard is it to grasp a simple concept?”

“Does it hurt?” asked Dooley. “It looks like it might hurt. Is it painful?”

“No, it doesn’t hurt, Dooley,” said Odelia. “In fact it’s a very pleasant experience, provided you don’t apply too much pressure on the gums.”

“Yes, please don’t apply pressure on my gums,” he said. “My gums are very sensitive. I have very sensitive gums. Like, extremely sensitive.”

“And how would you know?” said Brutus. “Have you ever tried brushing your teeth before?”

“Um, no,” said Dooley as he licked his gums.

“Well, then? Just go ahead and do it already,” said Harriet. “I don’t have all night, you know. I have cats to see, places to visit.”

“Try the electric one,” I said. “That’s probably the most modern, right?”

“Yes, it’s important to be modern,” Dooley agreed. “We’re modern cats so we should have a modern way of brushing our teeth.”

“All right,” said Odelia, and applied a little bit of toothpaste to the toothbrush, then approached me. I automatically recoiled. “Open your mouth, Max,” she said. “Say aaah.”

I said, “Are you sure it doesn’t hurt?”

“Oh, we’ve been through this already,” said Harriet. “Just do it already. Go, go, go!”

I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth a little.

“Wider,” said Odelia. “Wider, Max.”

“How hard can it be to open your mouth, Max?” asked Harriet, who was in one of her moods again.

“Just open as wide as you can,” said Odelia. “That’s it. Now who’s a good boy?”

I don’t like being talked to like a toddler, but I did as I was told and opened my mouth wide.

Now I want to add a minor PSA. Don’t try this at home, folks. Most cats are not as well-behaved and well-trained as we are, and if you try to come anywhere near them with a toothbrush they’ll bite you. And then they’ll scratch you. And when they’re done biting you and scratching you they’ll punch you in the eyeball. And if you use an electric toothbrush they won’t be happy that you’re being ‘modern’ but they’ll bite you even harder, because most cats don’t like mechanical noises. But since this was Odelia, and I still had the recollection of having three teeth pulled by Vena, I was willing to give it a shot.

She lowered the toothbrush to my teeth and applied gentle pressure, then moved it all around.

“It’s not so bad,” I said, though the words probably didn’t come out that clearly.

“What did you say, Max?” asked Dooley.

“I said it’s not so bad!” I repeated.

“I didn’t get that,” said Brutus. “Did you get that, Harriet?”

“Who cares?” said Harriet. “As long as things are zipping along I’m happy. Just do the other side and be done with it, Odelia.”

“Careful now,” said Odelia. “I’m going to try massaging your gums a little.”

Now that was too much. “It tickles!” I giggled, and promptly clamped down on the toothbrush. There was the sound of a crack, and when I opened my mouth again the thing had changed its tune. Instead of the nice humming sound it now produced a high-pitched whine. And then there was that odd smell. Like something burning. Yuck.

“Uh-oh,” said Odelia.

“You broke it!” Harriet cried. “I don’t believe this, Max—you broke the thing!”

“She’s right,” said Odelia, frowning at her electric toothbrush. “You bit down so hard you cracked the plastic.”

“Oops,” I said.