Ник Сайнт - Purrfectly Hidden. Purrfect Kill. Purrfect Boy Toy

“Hi, there,” said the second dog, a lady Cocker Spaniel.

They both looked nice enough. I pegged them as a young couple.

“Tony is usually pretty punctual,” said the lady.

“I guess we’re early,” said her mate, who looked like a tramp.

And as if he’d overheard the conversation, suddenly the backdoor to the restaurant swung open and a man came hurrying out. “Oh, have I got the feast for you tonight!” he said with a wide smile. He then plunked down a small table and placed a large dish of something that looked and smelled edible on top of it.

“Spaghetti and meatballs!” he cried, gesturing to the sizable pot. “Tuck in, my friends!”

We all got a little closer and he laughed. “Oh, I see you brought some friends tonight. Well, dig in. There’s enough for everyone!”

“Gee, thanks, Tony,” said the tramp, and took a seat at the table. Across from him, the lady dog also took a seat, and soon they were both putting their snouts into the big pot of pasta.

I looked at Dooley, Dooley looked at me. Harriet and Brutus shared a look. Prunella, though, didn’t need encouragement. She was already digging in. “Come on, you guys,” she said. “This stuff is delicious!”

I moved closer and took a bite. She was right. The stuff really was delicious.

Behind us, Tony stood watching. He clapped his hands and smiled. “You like?”

“Yeah, we like, Tony,” said the lady dog.

“You did it again, Tony,” said the tramp.

“I’m so happy!” Tony cried, and returned inside the kitchen.

“My name is Tramp, by the way,” said the big dog, “and this here is Lady.”

“Max,” I said between two bites, and the others all introduced themselves as well.

It took me a while to make the connection, then I frowned and looked up at our two canine companions.

“Lady and the Tramp. You mean, like in the Disney movie?”

“Yeah, we’re actors,” said Tramp.

“That’s us in the movie,” Lady explained. “Well, our voices, anyway.”

“But… that movie is… old.”

Lady looked up and smiled sweetly at her mate. “The miracle of cloning, Max.”

“Yeah, cloning is all the rage. We made our debut in 1955 and we’ve been going strong ever since. Isn’t that right, sweetie-pie?”

“Absolutely, honey bunch.”

“You hear that, Brutus? They sound exactly like us,” said Harriet.

“They sure do, sugar plum,” said Brutus, but he was too busy eating to say more.

“We did Lady and the Tramp II ,” said Lady.

“Straight to video,” said Tramp.

“And then of course the live-action movie,” said Lady. “We’re very proud of that one.”

“We’re doing the sequel now,” said Tramp.

“We make a pretty good living.”

“Yeah, can’t complain,” said Tramp, and sucked in a string of pasta. As luck would have it, Lady was sucking in the same pasta string, only from the other side. When they met in the middle, they kissed—just like in the movie!

And as I picked out a meatball myself, I thought what a strange place this Hollywood was, and suddenly I was starting to feel homesick. This was a lot of fun, meeting stars like Lady and Tramp, but I was missing my friends. Kingman and Shanille and Clarice… They might not have been cloned or Botoxed or primped and tucked and pampered, but they were real. And they were my buddies.

Hampton Cove was suddenly starting to look really good.

Chapter 28

Inside the restaurant, the atmosphere was downcast, which was hardly a surprise, as one of the members of the party had been discharged from hospital only hours before, and didn’t exactly look hot to trot.

“You should go home,” said Marilyn. “You look like death warmed up.”

“Thanks for the compliment,” said Opal.

“No, Marilyn is right,” said her boyfriend. “You don’t look so well, darling. Maybe we should call it a night. Get a good night’s sleep.”

“I’m not going to give whoever did this the satisfaction,” said Opal stubbornly. “I was looking forward to tonight and I’m going to enjoy my meal and so are all of you. So shut up and eat.”

Odelia thought Harlan and Marilyn were right. Opal’s face was still swollen, especially her lips, which resembled those of a blowfish. It was hard to imagine how she managed to get down any of the food she was eating, considering the Botox allergy had closed up her throat and she clearly still had trouble swallowing.

“She looks terrible,” Odelia’s mother whispered. “Are you sure she’s fine?”

“If she says she’s fine, I guess she’s fine,” Odelia whispered back.

They were all sitting at a long table: Odelia and her family, Chase and Uncle Alec included, and Opal’s party, which consisted of herself, Marilyn and Harlan. All in all, it was all very cozy, especially since they’d been given a table at the back by the maître d’, where they wouldn’t be bothered by other guests, and could enjoy their meal in private.

“She shouldn’t have discharged herself,” said Gran. “Mark my words—she’ll be sorry.”

“What do you think, Tex? You’re the medical man,” said Uncle Alec.

“I think nothing,” said Dad as he devoted himself to his sirloin steak. “I’m here as a tourist, not a doctor.”

“But shouldn’t you say something? You did sign that oath of Pythagoras, didn’t you?” Gran insisted.

“Hippocrates, and it’s not my habit to go around dispensing medical advice just because I feel like it. Ultimately Opal is the custodian of her own health.”

“Nice words, to hide the fact that you’re too chicken to tell Opal what’s what.”

“I’m not too chicken to tell anyone anything, but Opal is a grown woman and she clearly knows what she’s doing.”

“A lot of baloney,” Gran muttered, shaking her head.

“So how is the police conference going?” asked Odelia, eager to change the subject.

“Total bust,” said Uncle Alec.

“Yeah, not at all what we expected,” Chase chimed in.

“Some nonsense about using military tactics to police the community,” said Alec. “Not on my watch. That’s what I told that instructor and that’s what I intend to tell the mayor.”

“You didn’t tell that instructor anything, and I’m pretty sure you’re not going to tell the mayor anything either,” said Chase.

“Well, it’s the thought that counts,” said Uncle Alec vaguely. He’d ordered ribs and was enjoying them tremendously, judging from the sauce dripping from his chin.

“What did I tell you about eating lean meat only?” said Chase.

“This is lean meat only,” said Uncle Alec.

“No, it’s not. This is just about the greasiest stuff imaginable. Do you know what this is going to do to your arteries?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m enjoying my meal and if you could please focus on your own plate and not mine I’d be very much obliged, you fitness guru wannabe you.”

“Your wellbeing is my concern, Alec,” said Chase, who was starting to sound more and more like the chief’s mother.

“Well, it shouldn’t be.”

Chase gave Odelia a comical grimace. “See what I’m dealing with here?”

“See what I’m dealing with?” said Alec.

Odelia patted her uncle on the arm. “Chase is right, Uncle Alec. And he’s only saying this because he cares. If you keep eating like this you’ll get yourself in trouble.”

“No, I won’t. Tell them, Tex. Tell them I’m as healthy as an ox.”

“You know I can’t divulge confidential information about my patients, Alec,” said Dad, slicing into his steak with the precision of a brain surgeon.

“But I’m telling you to tell them. I’m absolving you of your doctor-patient privilege.”