Ник Сайнт - Purrfectly Dogged. Purrfectly Dead. Purrfect Saint

“Hey, you,” she said without looking up or taking a break from typing.

“We have a proposition for you,” said Harriet, not deterred by Gran’s obvious lack of interest in our presence. “We want you to join our newly formed association.”

“We want you to become a CCREC’er,” said Dooley proudly.

“Did you just call me a cracker?” said Gran, and finally stopped typing.

“Well, only if you want to,” said Dooley, slightly taken aback by her hard stare.

“Watch your tongue, young feline,” said Gran, wagging a menacing forefinger.

“Hear us out first,” said Shanille, deciding to intervene before things got ugly.

“Shanille? Shouldn’t you be helping Father Reilly convert a few more souls?” said Gran, who hasn’t been Father Reilly’s biggest fan ever since he told her that her soul would probably go to hell for cursing so much.

“Just listen to Shanille, Gran,” said Harriet. “And everything will become clear.”

“Clear as mud, probably,” Gran grunted, but still did as Harriet suggested. And Shanille had barely launched into her speech, when Gran cried, “Serendipity!”

“Sara who?” asked Dooley.

“I was just talking to my son about this! I’m all on board with your scheme, guys. In fact I think I have an even better idea. You know I can’t talk canine, right? But you can. So what I would suggest is we go door to door, and while you talk some sense into those four-legged mutts, I’ll talk to their feeble-brained owners—how does that sound for a plan?”

“Are all dog owners feeble-brained, Gran?” asked Dooley.

“Of course they are. If they had any sense they would have taken a cat, not a dog. But let’s not get distracted. We need to organize this properly, and we need to make it clear this campaign is officially sanctioned by our very own chief of police. Got that?”

“But why, Gran?” asked Harriet.

“Because I said so,” she snapped. “Now let’s get going. No time to waste!”

Tex, who’d just stepped out of his office to see what all the fuss was about, saw his receptionist grab her purse and so he asked, “Are you leaving already, Vesta?”

“Of course I’m leaving! Can’t you tell?”

“But… you’ll be back soon, right?”

“Depends.” She lifted her chin. “I’ve decided to become a cracker, and I’m on a mission—a mission officially sanctioned by your next mayor—Alec Lip. Watch me roar!” And with these words, she left a mystified Tex staring at her retreating back.

“Don’t you think Tex will wonder what this is all about?” asked Harriet once we were outside and making good time.

“Who cares? This mission is bigger than Tex. We’re about to write history here, fellas. If we can pull this off—make Hampton Cove a doo-doo free zone—it will prove infectious, and soon the county will adopt this new policy, and then the state, and the country! And by the time my son is crowned president, we’ll have started a revolution!”

“I don’t think presidents are crowned,” I said.

“Who cares! I’m walking into the White House as the first woman on the planet who achieved the unachievable. They’ll give me medals. They’ll give me rewards. I might even win the Nobel Prize. But do I care? Not a frickin hoot! All I care about is teaching America how to make their dogs go doo-doo on the box. And that’s good enough for me.”

“Oh, boy,” said Brutus. “She’s as nuts as Harriet and Shanille.”

And he was right. It’s one thing to tell people to clean up after their dog, but quite another to order them to potty-train their dogs. People have a tendency to rebel when told to do things, but dogs have a tendency to bite you if you try such a thing.

I had a feeling this town would soon not be safe either for us or Gran.

Chapter 9

The door opened and Odelia found herself staring into Alicia’s smiling face. “Come in,” she said. “Papa is in the library. I told him you were coming, so you should be good.”

“This is my mom, Marge Poole,” said Odelia. “Mom, meet Alicia. Jock and Grace’s daughter.”

“Hi, Alicia,” said Marge, who was looking slightly nervous.

“It’s so great to finally meet you,” said Alicia. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“You have?” asked Marge. “I didn’t know…”

“Yeah, my dad told me about his very first girlfriend, who is now the wife of Doctor Poole, and mother of the famous Odelia Poole, reporter for the Hampton Cove Gazette . He reads your stories all the time, by the way, Odelia, and follows all of your exploits.”

“That’s… so nice of your father,” said Marge, who clearly hadn’t expected this.

They followed the young woman down the hallway, and into the library, which was, as libraries go, opulent. Racks of books reached all the way to the ceiling, and there was even one of those library ladders on wheels. In the center of the room leather couches had been placed, surrounding a salon table, and Odelia spotted a comfy-looking window seat that practically invited her to pick up a book and spend a couple of hours reading.

Standing near that same window, looking out, a tall man stood, back straight, hands behind his back. When they walked in, he turned. He looked about Odelia’s dad’s age, but his hair was completely gray, and he had a little white mustache. He had one of those classically handsome faces, that only become more attractive with age.

He greeted them with a pleasant smile.

“Marge Poole,” he said, spreading his arms. “It’s such a pleasure to see you. And can I say you haven’t changed one bit?”

“Hi, Jock,” said Marge, still not at ease. “You look well.”

“A little older, a little grayer, and, perhaps a little wiser,” he said.

Odelia could see how her mother would have fallen for this man. He had charm and charisma oozing from every pore.

“This is my daughter Odelia,” said Marge.

“Spitting image of your lovely mother,” said Jock, and pressed Odelia’s hands warmly. “Alicia told me she invited you, and I must confess I think it’s a little silly of her, to engage your services like this.”

“Well, she’s very worried about her mother,” said Odelia.

“I know, and I’m worried myself, but knowing Grace she will turn up soon enough.”

“You mean she’s done this before?”

“She has disappeared before, yes, and usually gets back in touch after a couple of days. One time I didn’t hear from her for two weeks. I’d already contacted the police. Turns out she needed a break from it all and had gone down to the Keys for a vacation.”

“Mom would never do that,” said Alicia. “She would never just leave us like that.”

“And yet she did, sweetheart. You wouldn’t remember as you were too young.”

“I think I would have noticed if Mama left for two weeks, Papa.”

“Well, you didn’t, since I sent you to your grandmother for two weeks, and you had the time of your life. My mom and dad live in Montana, you see,” said Jock. “They took over a dude ranch when Dad retired, and have been living up there since, having a ball.”

“You said Grace has done this several times?” asked Odelia as Alicia frowned, trying to recollect the incident her father was referring to.

“Yes, my wife has a tendency to disappear, just as a way of getting back at me for some perceived slight. She is quite incapable of dealing with the slings and arrows of life. Instead of coping, or attacking them head-on, she prefers to run away. I’ll bet she’s relaxing in a five-star hotel in Cabo right now, enjoying an extensive pampering session.”

“She wouldn’t do that without letting me know where she is, Papa,” said Alicia stubbornly. “She simply wouldn’t!”