Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Fool. Purrfect Fitness. Purrfect Setup

“No baby?” asked Gran, looking slightly disappointed. “Then why? Why the rush? And why this weird-ass announcement?”

Charlene shrugged. “I’m Mayor, Vesta, and Alec is Chief of Police. When two public figures such as ourselves decide to tie the knot the public has a right to be informed.”

“Oh, I’m sure they do, but what about me? Don’t you think the mother of the groom has a right to be informed?” She gestured to Odelia’s mom. “Or the man’s own sister?”

“Ma,” said Mom warningly.

“No, I’m just curious,” said Gran. “My own son is getting married, and he doesn’t even tell me in person? I have to read about it in the newspaper, same as everyone else?”

“I’m truly sorry,” said Charlene. “It’s just that…”

“Alec was going to tell you, but it slipped his mind,” said Mom. “Isn’t that right, Charlene?”

Charlene nodded. “Yeah, we discussed it last night, and I told him: you better call your mom and tell her. But he must have forgotten.”

“Hrmph,” said Gran, but looked slightly mollified as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Typical Alec. Always forgetting his dear old mother.” She directed a pointed look at her daughter. “So when did you find out?”

“Same as you,” said Mom. “When I read about it in the paper.”

“When I get my hands on that son of mine, he’s going to wish he was never born,” vowed Gran, and took out her phone. But when she placed it to her ear, she announced, “Damn voicemail again.” Then, speaking into her phone: “Pick up, Alec. It’s your mother.” She listened for a moment, then said, “Oh, so that’s how it is, huh? Well, you’re dead to me, too! And don’t even bother inviting me to your wedding, cause I’m not coming!”

And with these words, she disconnected and stalked out.

Chapter 8

“There’s something they’re not telling me, Scarlett,” Vesta spoke into her phone as she got into her car. “You should have seen the look on Charlene’s face. She’d clearly been crying her eyes out. And my son isn’t picking up his phone.”

“That’s bad,” said Scarlett. “So what are you going to do?”

“We’re going full steam ahead with our plans, that’s what. Did you get the stuff?”

“I did. Though the guy at the store gave me a strange look when I asked for half a dozen of those listening bugs. So I told him I’m going to use them to spy on my boyfriend figuring he’s been two-timing me with my best friend. He thought that was hilarious.”

“Quick thinking. Good. We don’t need any nosy parkers sticking their noses where they don’t belong. So I’ll meet you there, all right?”

“Are you sure about this, Vesta? Technically we are breaking the law.”

“We’re the neighborhood watch, honey. We are the law.”

And as she ended the call and started up the engine she got another idea. A real doozie. Bugging Charlene’s home and office wasn’t enough. She needed something more to really lay bare the woman’s deceitfulness and treachery. And she knew exactly what.

So she shut down the car again and stalked into the house, only to find the meeting still in full swing. And as she’d suspected, the conversation immediately died down the moment she entered the house. They were all in it together! Her own family—all of them conspiring against her!

“Dooley!” she snapped. “Come!”

“Why?” asked Dooley.

“No questions,” she said curtly. “Come with me. Right now.”

“But…” He cast a worried look at his friend and Gran rolled her eyes.

“All right—fine! Max, you come, too.”

“Where are you taking my cats?” asked Odelia suspiciously.

“None of your business,” Vesta barked.

Two could play this game, she thought. If they were going to start keeping secrets from her, she would simply turn the tables on them. See how they liked them apples!

Max and Dooley followed her out into the corridor, then out of the house.

The moment they were safely ensconced in the car, she turned and said, a gleam in her eye, “have I got the mission for you guys!”

I don’t know about you, but every time Gran gets that strange slightly feverish gleam in her eyes it’s time for me to start worrying about her sanity and about my safety.

“What is it, Gran?” asked Dooley, who seemed as worried about this strange behavior of Odelia’s grandmother as I was. “Where are you taking us?”

“You know about that wedding announcement that went out this morning, right? My son getting married to Charlene Butterwick?”

“Uh-huh,” I said, nodding.

“Well, for some reason or another he and Charlene are being extremely secretive about the whole sordid affair, and I’m on a mission to find out what’s going on.”

I could have told her what was going on, but I was under strict instructions not to reveal anything to Grandma Muffin, for fear her poor heart wouldn’t be able to take the strain. I wasn’t so sure her heart was as weak as all that, though. But I wasn’t going to go against Odelia’s wishes, so I merely nodded obediently. “So what do you suggest?”

“I’m going to bug Charlene’s apartment, her office, her phone, her car, in fact I’m going to bug that woman’s entire life, and then I’m going to follow her around wherever she goes, and find out once and for all how she’s managed to force my son into this shotgun wedding. Cause if I know Alec, and I think I do, it’s pretty obvious he would never jump into this thing without being coerced.”

“You think Charlene is forcing Uncle Alec to get married?” asked Dooley.

“Of course she is! Isn’t it obvious! The conniving little trollop is manipulating my son into a marriage he doesn’t want! And it’s my job as his mother to get him out of this predicament if it’s the last thing I do.”

“Okay,” I said, a little uncertainly. Rarely had I ever known a human to be so completely wrong about something. “So what do you want us to do?”

“I’m going to insert you into Charlene’s life and you’re going to feed me information. A bug can’t pick up everything, but two feline spies can.” She gave us a beaming smile, as if expecting a warm round of applause.

“So… you want us to go live with Charlene?” I asked, still not seeing the full picture.

“Bingo! You’re my wedding present to that treacherous woman, but secretly you’ll report to me the whole time. And to that end…” And before I knew what was going on, she was suddenly strapping a collar around my neck. A collar, if you please!

“Hey!” I said, shocked and not a little bit surprised. “What are you doing?!”

“Oh, don’t be a baby, Max,” she growled. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m giving you a collar. And Scarlett is going to put a bug inside that collar.”

“A bug!” said Dooley. “But I don’t like bugs. Bugs can kill you!”

“Not that kind of bug,” said Gran as she placed a collar around Dooley’s neck, too. “There. That should do the trick. Now all we need to do is to make sure the connection is A-Okay and we’re ready to get this show on the road.”

I didn’t know what show she was referring to, or even what road, exactly, but I was already pretty sure I wasn’t going to like either show or road. And as she drove off, practically taking out Kurt Mayfield’s mailbox as she did, I shared a look of extreme distress with Dooley. Suddenly we’d been thrust in the middle of an adventure we hadn’t bargained for.

And the worst part? We were going to be introduced into the home of the woman who’d just been the victim of a home invasion!

Yikes!

Chapter 9

“I wonder what Gran is planning to do with Max and Dooley,” said Harriet as she watched Gran take off.