Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Sidekick. Purrfect Deseit. Purrfect Ruse [calibre 5.14.0]

“I think when it’s all over, it’s going to look great,” said Harriet. “Airy and bright.”

“Let’s hope so,” said Brutus.

“So what have you been doing?” asked Harriet, addressing her question to me.

“Oh, just this and that,” I said.

“Odelia and Chase interviewed the ex-girlfriend of the man who fell down the shaft,” said Dooley, “and also his best friend. And they seem to think Karl Bunyon had something to do with the whole thing, because the dead man dated Karl’s stepdaughter. Oh, and also they were both out in the woods on the same night at the same time.”

“Yeah, Chase is going to arrest Karl Bunyon and search his house,” I said, repeating what Odelia had told us before she’d dismissed us and told us to go and play.

“So Shaft Man and John Doe were both killed by the catnapper?” asked Harriet.

“It’s a possibility,” I said with a shrug.

“But you don’t think he did it, do you, Max?” said Brutus, eyeing me closely.

“I don’t know, Brutus. Right now I don’t have enough information at my disposal to decide what happened, and as long as that’s the case, I prefer to defer judgment.”

He grinned. “Prefer to defer judgment. Nice one. You’re starting to sound like Perry Mason, Max. Well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out sooner or later, buddy. You always do.”

It was nice to get this vote of confidence from one who was notoriously critical of my efforts as a cat sleuth, but frankly they weren’t exactly justified, as I hadn’t lied: I had absolutely no clue what was going on. What I did know was that if Gran was going to turn Marge and Tex’s house into a construction site, things were about to get a little heated around here. And before long this proved to be the case, when Odelia suddenly came storming into the house, and burst out, “Have you guys seen Gran?”

“Last time I saw her she was next door,” I told my human, “supervising the reconstruction efforts.”

“Well, she’s not there, and the house is a complete mess. What is she up to, do you know?”

“I think she wants to put in a new kitchen,” said Dooley.

“That’s not a kitchen remodel!” said Odelia, getting a little too loud if I’m honest.

The four of us decided to take a nap—even though the sound of those jackhammers was very annoying I must confess. Still, we took a valiant stab at a nice little nap on the couch. Unfortunately, our nap was to be cut short, for a mere five minutes later Marge came storming in. “Where is my mother!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.

“She’s out there somewhere,” said Harriet wearily, then yawned, hoping to convey the message that we wanted less talk and more peace and quiet.

“She’s destroying my house! There’s people drilling holes in my walls!”

“Yeah, I saw that,” I said.

“When all is said and done,” said Harriet, “It’s going to look fabulous.”

“Airy and bright,” Brutus added.

“Airy and bright my ass!” Marge screamed, and stormed out again.

Tex was next, stomping in through the sliding glass door and looking around like Jack Nicholson in The Shining, ready to start kicking ass and taking names. He had that wild look in his eyes that foretold of a massacre in the making, and it wasn’t hard to guess who his intended victim was. “Where’s Vesta!” he roared. “I’m going to wring her neck!”

“She’s out there supervising the reconstruction,” said Harriet.

But of course Tex couldn’t understand what Harriet said, which he proved by repeating, “I’m going to wring that damn woman’s neck if it’s the last thing I do!”

And then he stomped out again. And I think at that point we got about an hour’s worth of good solid sleep. Which was very nice indeed.

Chapter 23

Odelia stood overseeing the carnage, along with her mother. The inner wall was gone, and so was the second inner wall, and all in all there wasn’t much left of what had once been a cozy little home.

“What do you have to say for yourself, Ma!” Marge demanded.

“I think it looks pretty great,” said Gran admiringly. She was still wearing her hard hat and looked like an elderly construction worker. “Look, if you wanna make an omelet you gotta break some eggs. That’s just the way it is. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can relax.”

“You should have asked me before you hired these… these… this wrecking crew!”

“They’re not a wrecking crew. They’re builders. And they’re very good builders. The contractor is Scarlett’s cousin’s neighbor’s mother-in-law’s brother’s best friend, and he comes highly recommended. He’s also dirt cheap. Besides, we talked about this, remember? And you said it was fine.”

“I didn’t say it was fine! I said I was going to discuss it with Tex!”

Dad stood eyeing the destruction with a dazed look on his face. “Where is my television?” he asked in a strangled voice. “What did they do to my television?”

“Is that all you have to say!” Mom demanded.

“Don’t you worry about a thing,” said Gran. “All of our stuff is safely stored.”

“Where? Where is it stored?” Mom demanded.

“I’m not sure, but Piotr assured me it’s all stored away safe and sound. And cheap.”

“Piotr? Is that the name of the contractor?” asked Odelia.

“Yeah, Piotr Krakowska.”

“Oh, dear God,” said Mom, looking as if she was either on the verge of crying or about to strangle Gran. Dad was apoplectic, which showed in a general sense of dazedness.

“How long is this going to take?” asked Odelia.

“Well, that depends,” said Gran.

“Depends!” Mom cried.

“Yeah, best-case scenario? Three weeks. Worst-case scenario, three months.”

“But where are we going to live!”

They all turned to look at Odelia.

“Oh, no,” said Odelia. “I don’t have space for three extra people.”

“Well, your grandmother can sleep on the couch,” said Mom savagely.

“We don’t have to sleep on any couches,” said Gran. “Our bedrooms are perfectly fine to sleep in. This is a kitchen remodel, people, not a home renovation!”

Just then, there was a loud creaking sound, and suddenly before their very eyes the entire upper floor suddenly crashed down on the lower floor in a cloud of dust!

“Oh, my God!” Mom cried.

“Now how did that happen?” asked Gran curiously.

Just then, Odelia’s phone chimed, and automatically she picked it out of her jeans back pocket. “Yeah?” she said without looking to see who it was.

“Babe? We got him!”

“Who got what?”

“The killer! We went through Karl Bunyon’s house with a fine-tooth comb and we found the gun!”

“Gun?”

“Babe, are you all right? You sound a little… off.”

“Mom and Dad’s house just died, Chase,” she intoned. “It’s dead now.”

There was a pause, then Chase said, “I’m coming.”

And he did. Five minutes later he was standing right next to them as they all stared at what was left of the house, which wasn’t a lot.

“What happened?” asked Chase.

“I’m not sure,” said Odelia. “One minute the house was fine, the next it was gone.”

“This is just a minor setback,” said Gran. “I’ll call Piotr and tell him to fix things.”

“Fix things!” Dad suddenly screamed. “Vesta, the whole house is gone!”

“No need to shout, Tex,” said Gran, rubbing her ear. “I’m sure it’s an easy fix.”

It rarely happens that you’re treated to the sight of two grown-ups crying, but that’s what happened just then: both Odelia’s parents suddenly burst into tears.

“Well,” said Chase. “I guess I better start getting that guest room ready, huh?”