Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Sidekick. Purrfect Deseit. Purrfect Ruse [calibre 5.14.0]

“Harriet, I don’t know if…” Brutus started to say, but she shut him up with a single glance.

“I will win this thing,” she said. “I’m popular. Cats like me. They love me. They adore me. And I will win this vote with a smashing majority. Just you wait and see.”

“I’ll vote for you, Harriet,” said Kingman obsequiously.

“I know you will, Kingman,” said Harriet, batting her eyelashes at the stocky cat. “Now are we done? What are you guys doing here, anyway?”

“Odelia’s not-client didn’t murder three people last night and now she’s not trying to prove that her not-client is not not-innocent,” said Dooley, then frowned. “Or was it the other way around?”

“I think we should probably see what’s taking Odelia so long,” I said, feeling that soon Harriet would start canvassing us for our support. And frankly? Even though Harriet is my friend, and I mostly enjoy her company, I wasn’t sure I could condone this use of physical violence to settle her arguments.

So we moved into the store, and clearly just in time, for we found our human cornered by no less than three members of the public. Reading from left to right, they were Father Reilly, Wilbur Vickery and Ida Baumgartner.

Chapter 11

“What you did isn’t Christian, Odelia, dear,” Father Reilly said. “Getting married in Las Vegas?” He shivered visibly. “That den of iniquity? That bastion of sin? You should have gotten married right here, standing before your own community, in the church where you were baptized, the church where your parents were married, and your grandmother—though of course that was before my time.” The thought of Gran seemed to pain him a bit, so he cleared his throat and said, “What do you have to say about this, Wilbur?”

“Well, I agree with you wholeheartedly, of course, Francis. Getting married in Vegas is simply not done. Not by a nice girl like Odelia, anyway.”

“Or by a God-fearing police officer like Chase Kingsley,” Ida Baumgartner added.

“Look, I’m truly sorry things happened the way they did,” said Odelia, “but—”

“No buts,” said Father Reilly. “All is not lost, Odelia. I say we regroup and reschedule. Your wedding may be postponed but it’s not canceled. I consulted my planner this morning and I can fit you in for the second weekend of February. How does that sound?”

“That sounds absolutely wonderful,” said Ida, who was one of Odelia’s dad’s most faithful and regular patients. In fact she never skipped a week without paying the good doctor a visit and always had some new symptoms to reveal. “Thank you so much for your understanding, Father,” she continued. “And for giving Odelia this second chance.”

“Look, I think it’s very kind of you to do this,” said Odelia, “but—”

“Could we maybe reschedule, Francis?” asked Wilbur, who’d been consulting his diary on his phone. “The second weekend of February is a little difficult for me. I’ve got something going on. The national coaster collectors convention in… Vegas, of all places,” he added with an awkward little laugh. “But the weekend after I’m free.”

“That would be… the third weekend of February,” said Father Reilly, taking out his own phone. “I could slot you in. But it would have to be the Saturday. On Sunday I have a wine tasting I can’t be late for in the early afternoon. It’s all the way in… well, Vegas.”

Ida, who was consulting her diary, shook her head. “Can’t. Third weekend of February is completely full. The next available weekend is… May. First weekend in May.”

“No, I’m afraid I’m fully booked that weekend,” said Father Reilly. “Another wine tasting,” he added curtly.

Max, who’d joined the revels, now pshh’ed, and said, “Better skedaddle while they’re not looking!” And Odelia smiled and decided to follow his advice. So she left Father Reilly, Wilbur and Ida to find a date for her wedding, without having the courtesy to consult her, and decided Max was right. Time to go! As it was, they didn’t even notice that the bride, supposedly the star of the wedding, was no longer amongst those present.

“I’m so glad I decided to do the wedding in Vegas,” she said as she hurried out of the shop. “The more I think about it, Max, the more I’m starting to see that these people aren’t interested in me or my wedding. All they want is an opportunity to have a party—at my expense!”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that anymore,” said Max. “The wedding is done, and there won’t be a reprise.”

“Father Reilly seems to think there will be a reprise.”

“Just avoid him for a while. He’ll get the message,” advised her cat.

“You know, Max, you’re a lot wiser than most humans I know, and that includes the three I just left in there.”

“Dooley, watch out!” said Max suddenly.

Dooley, who’d been walking with his head up, staring at the sky, almost bumped into a lamppost.

“Dooley, you have to look where you step,” said Odelia as she picked up the small gray cat, who was still inspecting the sky, even though he’d almost bumped his snoot into an unyielding object.

“I have to watch for the stork, Odelia,” he said. “If I don’t watch for the stork, how will he know where to find us? And then he won’t be able to deliver your babies.”

“Oh, so now it’s more than one baby already, is it?” she said with a grin at Max.

“I’m not sure,” Dooley admitted. “How many did you order?”

“Well, to be completely honest with you, I didn’t order any babies, Dooley.”

“No babies! But you have to put in your order, Odelia, otherwise how is the stork going to know what you want?”

She laughed heartily and hugged the small cat close. He was such a sweetheart.

But then they’d arrived at the police station, and it was time for more serious business: she’d decided that she wanted to visit Joshua and have another chat with him. If he really was innocent, he had to stop lying and start telling the truth.

So she dropped Dooley to the ground and walked in.

Chapter 12

Dooley and I both felt sorry for Odelia. It isn’t every day that your human is cornered by the parish priest and two of his most fervent parishioners and pretty much bullied into organizing a wedding for the entire town.

“I hope Odelia doesn’t go through with it,” I said therefore.

“But she has to have the babies, Max,” said Dooley. “She just has to.”

“I wasn’t talking about babies, Dooley,” I said. “I was referring to the wedding Father Reilly is so desperate to organize. Besides, why are you so anxious for our human to have babies anyway? She’s still young. She has plenty of time to start a family.”

“But if she doesn’t have babies now she will kick us out!”

“How so? I don’t get it.”

“Okay, so Shanille told me that women should get pregnant on their wedding night. That means that they’re blessed. If they don’t get pregnant on their wedding night, it means that something is wrong with the marriage, as the man cannot… perform?”

I had to suppress a smile at this. “I don’t think you should listen to Shanille, Dooley. Her world views aren’t always, um, an accurate depiction of reality, let’s put it like that.”

“But if Odelia doesn’t have babies immediately, she’ll be upset with Chase, and she’ll get divorced. That’s what Shanille said. If the husband can’t perform, the woman has every right to ask for a divorce, because the only purpose of marriage is to have babies, and plenty of them.”

“Okay, so let’s get this straight. According to Shanille, if Odelia doesn’t have babies immediately, she should file for divorce, as it’s a sign that Chase isn’t the right guy for her?”