Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Sidekick. Purrfect Deseit. Purrfect Ruse [calibre 5.14.0]

“I thought you’d accepted the case?” said Mr. Ed, a touch of pique in his voice betraying his annoyance. “I’ve been waiting for a progress report for what feels like forever!”

“It took some time to relay the information to our human,” I said. “And then there’s a big hullabaloo in town today that caused Odelia to have some prior commitments.”

“What hullabaloo? There’s only one hullabaloo that counts,” said the peeved snail.

He wasn’t in the backyard as we’d surmised but in a large glass tank that had been outfitted especially for his needs. The tank had been placed half inside, half outside the home, with a means of access and egress on both sides so he had the run of the house and the backyard. He obviously made full use of this luxury position, as trails of slime ran all over the sides of the glass tank and also led to and from his fancy little home.

Inside the tank he had plenty of iceberg lettuce to munch on, as well as some kale, sliced-up blueberries, butternut squash, cucumber, mango and even turnip. Clearly Mr. Ed was a much-loved pet, and as a champion to Evelina’s cause the affection was mutual.

“How long did it take you to crawl all the way back from our backyard to here?” asked Dooley, watching the small snail with open-mouthed admiration.

“A long time, if you have to know,” said Mr. Ed. “But it will be worth it if you manage to solve this case and put my human’s mind at ease.” He fixed us with a meaningful look.

“We’re still in the early stages of our investigation,” I explained, “but there’s one thing I would like to clear up now, before we continue.”

“What’s that?”

“Evelina didn’t know that Bob was dead, and that his body had been found on that potato truck. So can you please explain to us how you knew?”

“That’s easy,” said Mr. Ed. “Evelina doesn’t watch the news. But I do.”

“You watch the news?” I asked, picturing Mr. Ed seated on the couch with the remote in his… what, exactly? Snails don’t have hands or feet. Well, they have the one big foot they use to crawl around. But definitely no digits, so they’re even worse off than cats.

“Yeah, she doesn’t like all the nastiness that’s on the news nowadays. All the mayhem. So she never watches the stuff. She figures that if there’s something she really needs to be aware of her sister will tell her, or her parents. But I like to watch, and she knows it.”

I was afraid to ask how Mr. Ed’s human could possibly know his likes and dislikes, so I didn’t.

“She installed a small TV for me over there, and keeps it going twenty-four seven.”

We looked over to where Mr. Ed was pointing with one of his antennae, and lo and behold, indeed there was a small TV set installed near his tank, and it was indeed tuned to one of our local TV stations. On the screen they showed images of a man with striking sideburns leaving the Star hotel. The crawler at the bottom of the screen announced that this gentleman was none other than Lord Hilbourne, on his way to Town Hall for his big ‘Keys to the city’ ceremony. Which reminded me that we probably should be going soon, as Odelia, Hampton Cove’s premier reporter, couldn’t afford to miss the show.

“So when I saw that Bob had been found lying amongst a heap of potatoes I knew his plan to kidnap himself must have gone wrong, and that swift action was required to figure out what had happened and to get Evelina’s money back.”

I didn’t exactly associate swift action with snails but that could just be my prejudice talking, of course.

“So you still think Bob staged his own kidnapping?” I said.

“Absolutely. Who would want to kidnap that idiot?”

Clearly no love was lost between Evelina’s boyfriend and her pet snail. “But why? Why did you dislike Bob so much?” Apart from the fact he’d almost crushed him.

“Because he was sneaky. Very sneaky. I once caught him in the bathroom talking to himself, and he was saying things no boyfriend should be saying.”

“What was he saying?”

“’If I can just convince her, I’m home free,’” said Mr. Ed, his voice having taken on a grave tone. “Get it? Home free. Obviously he was only going out with her for the money, and when she wouldn’t give it to him straight away he decided to set up this elaborate abduction scheme. Only his partner decided not to split the proceeds and killed Bob.”

“That’s what I said!” Dooley cried. “Isn’t that what I said, Max?”

“Yes, Dooley. You called it,” I said.

“So? Everything clear now?” said Mr. Ed, into whose voice had crept that note of peevishness again. “Now if you’ve done enough standing around with your tails in your paws I suggest you get moving and solve this case for me!”

Clearly our client was a demanding one, and so we said our goodbyes and returned to the living room, where Odelia had just finished her interview with Evelina and was getting ready to leave. “I’ve called my uncle and he’s asked if you could drop by the precinct so he can take your statement any time it’s convenient for you?” she said.

Evelina nodded. “Thank you, Miss Poole. I must admit that it feels good to get this off my chest. I’ve been keeping things a secret for far too long, and it was eating me alive.”

“It’s all right. You did what you thought was best.”

“Thank you,” Evelina repeated, and shared a hug with Odelia.

“That’s the advantage of not being a cop,” I pointed out to Dooley. “You don’t see Chase or Uncle Alec going around hugging people, but sometimes people need a hug.”

“So do you need a hug sometimes, Max?” asked Dooley.

“Of course. Like I said, we all need a hug sometimes.”

“Come here,” said Dooley, and proceeded to give me a hug.

Mr. Ed must have noticed, for he shouted from his tank, “Less hugging and more investigating! Now get going, you bunch of lazybones—you’re on the clock here!”

Chapter 18

“Are you sure we did the right thing by not telling Odelia?” asked Scarlett as she and Vesta hurried along the sidewalk.

“Of course I’m sure. She doesn’t need to see this. And frankly he doesn’t need to see her !”

“I just don’t get it,” said Scarlett with a shake of the head.

“Oh, but I do. He’s a guy, and guys are all the same. Haven’t you learned that by now?”

“Yeah, but not him. I thought he was special.”

“Why should he be the exception to the rule?” asked Vesta, and halted in front of the Cool Cucumber, one of a recent crop of new eateries that had sprung up in town.

“Are you sure it’s here?” asked Scarlett as she tried to glance in through the window.

“If my informer is correct—and I don’t see any reason why he would lie to me—this is the place.” She took a deep breath and shared a look with her friend. “Let’s do this.”

“Let’s do this,” Scarlett echoed. She wasn’t normally a big fan of these types of interventions, but it was Vesta’s call, and frankly she felt it was the right one. “What if he tries to escape?”

“Oh, he won’t try to escape,” said Vesta, and she sounded sure of herself. Frankly Scarlett wouldn’t try to escape either when she saw Vesta bearing down on her.

So they both entered the restaurant, and quickly glanced around to see if they could spot the guilty party. Scarlett still held out hope Vesta’s informer was mistaken, but then suddenly she spotted the man, and from the way he was behaving it was clear Vesta had been right on the money—unfortunately.

So they both walked up to the guy, who was seated all by his lonesome at a table for two, and while Vesta took a seat across from him, Scarlett took up position behind him, so he wouldn’t be able to escape should he try to make a run for it.