Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Sidekick. Purrfect Deseit. Purrfect Ruse [calibre 5.14.0]

“I’m afraid it takes a human to remove it,” I said.

“I could gnaw it off,” Brutus suggested.

“Oh, please do, smoochie poo,” said Harriet.

“I wouldn’t do that that if I were—”

There was a sudden spark and a soft pop and a loud yelp from Brutus, and then he was sitting back on his haunches and smoke was billowing from his mouth and ears.

“It’s an electronic device with a built-in battery,” I explained. “Best not to chew on it.”

“And now you tell me!” he cried indignantly.

Chapter 29

The next morning, bright and early, saw me and Dooley heading into town. The night had been relatively uneventful, apart from the tracking device business: Gran had shared the guestroom with her daughter, while Tex slept on the couch. It wasn’t an ideal situation, to be sure, but it was better than the alternative Tex had suggested, with Gran sleeping on the couch. Odelia and Marge had argued that they couldn’t very well let an old woman sleep on the couch, and Tex had finally seen reason and had decided to comply.

“I think it’s nice that Harriet and Brutus are staying over,” said Dooley, who’s a real family cat, and likes nothing more than to have our entire family under one roof. “I hope it takes a really long time before the house is ready, so we all can live happily together.”

“You like it now,” I told him, “but I wonder if you’ll still like it a couple of weeks from now.”

“Oh, I’m sure I will,” he said. “It’s so nice to have everyone under the same roof. You know, Max, maybe we could suggest that Marge and Tex build one big house.”

“They are building one big house, Dooley.”

“No, but I mean tear down Odelia’s house, too, and build one big house instead of two. That way we can all live together all the time. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

I made a face, but I doubt whether he saw it. I didn’t want to crush his illusions, though, so I said nothing.

“Oh, look, it’s Gran,” he said when we’d arrived in town. “What is she doing, Max?”

“I have no idea, Dooley,” I admitted. Gran and Scarlett had apparently set up some kind of stand in Town Square, and judging from the long line of cats, she seemed to be selling them something or other.

“Let’s go and take a closer look,” I suggested.

We arrived just in time to see Shanille join Gran and Scarlett, and hop onto a table placed there for some unknown purpose.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“Oh, your gran is such a lifesaver!” Shanille exclaimed. “After Father Reilly practically kidnapped me last night I realized I needed to do something, so when I heard about this new initiative, I was among the first ones to sign up.” She then directed a hopeful look at Gran, and said, an emotional tremor in her voice, “Free me from this bond, Mrs. Muffin.”

“I will, Shanille,” said Gran warmly, and proceeded to cut the collar that had been placed around our friend’s neck, and with a flourish exclaim, “Free again, sweetie!”

“Oh, thank you, Vesta. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!”

“I’ll send the bill to Father Reilly,” Gran said as she dumped the discarded collar in a plastic container where at least a dozen others already resided.

“Please do,” said Shanille happily as she pranced off. “Never again!” she told me as she walked out. “Say no to trackers and yes to freedom!”

“Gran, are you sure this is such a good idea?” I said.

“Of course it’s a good idea! Didn’t you see how happy Shanille is? We’re doing your friends a favor, you guys. And they couldn’t be happier.”

“And how much are you charging for this favor?”

“A hundred bucks. Peanuts when compared to the joy we’re bringing into these precious creatures’ lives.”

“A hundred bucks!”

“I wanted to ask two hundred, but Scarlett shut me down.”

“Of course I did. I think even a hundred is too much, but what do I know,” Scarlett grumbled.

“So let me get this straight,” I said. “First you sold the entire cat community of Hampton Cove collars with tracking devices, and now you’re getting rid of them?”

“It’s called business, Max, now shut up and get lost. Can’t you see you’re holding up the line? Next!” she bellowed.

Just then, Uncle Alec suddenly came waddling up, pulling up his pants as he did. He frowned when he saw the collective of cats lining up, and his mom and her friend in their stand. “What’s going on here?” he asked, as if it wasn’t perfectly obvious.

“We’re providing an essential service to the cats of Hampton Cove,” said Gran.

“Yeah, we’re giving them back their freedom,” Scarlett chimed in.

“I’ve received a number of complaints about thieves or vandals,” said Uncle Alec. “Someone is stealing cat collars. I should have known you had something to do with it.”

“We’re not stealing the collars,” said Gran indignantly. “We’re simply removing them.”

“You can’t go around removing these collars,” said Uncle Alec. “Those are private property, and if you keep this up I will have no choice but to arrest you for theft.”

“Theft! We’re helping these poor creatures!”

“Well, you can stop helping them, or I’ll be helping you to a one-way trip to the lockup. Is that understood?” He gestured to the stand. “Where did you get this thing?”

“Oh, the builders helped us set it up. They have it at their construction sites. They use it for catering and whatever. But when I told them I needed it for an urgent matter, they were only happy to oblige.”

“Get rid of it. You need permission to set up a stand in a public area. So I could probably arrest you for that, too.”

“Oh, you really are impossible, Alec!” Gran cried.

“We better do as he says, Vesta,” said Scarlett, who didn’t seem eager to get herself arrested.

“But what about these poor creatures?” asked Gran. “They can’t even go to cat choir. They can’t go anywhere! When Shanille came to me this morning, and explained to me about her predicament, and the predicament of the entire contingent of cats of Hampton Cove, I knew I had to do something.”

“Look, I don’t care about cat choir, all right?” said Uncle Alec. “Just get rid of this stuff. And make it snappy.”

The look Gran gave her son wasn’t that of a loving mother, I have to say, but the Chief didn’t let it bother him too much. Instead, he started back to the precinct, leaving Gran and Scarlett to clean up their pop-up store posthaste.

So when Odelia dropped by moments later, Gran was already on the phone with the builders who’d been so gracious—or so gullible—to lend her the stand, and when she asked what was going on, and Scarlett explained to her about the collars and the trackers, she smiled and said, “You know what? Why don’t I go and have a chat with these people? Tell them to leave their cats to enjoy cat choir? Most of them probably didn’t even know that their cats liked to attend cat choir at night, and so when they saw them roaming all over the place on their tracking gizmos, they probably freaked out.”

“We can all go and talk to them,” Scarlett suggested. “Give them an education on cats’ perfectly normal roaming behavior.”

Most people probably think that their cats stick around all night, and never leave the confines of their backyards or their balconies. But cats like to travel much farther than most people anticipate, and often in fixed patterns, too, roaming to their heart’s content.

Gran had gotten off the phone, and soon arranged with her granddaughter and Scarlett to visit the cat owners whose collars she’d sold them then vandalized, to return them and educate them about cat behavior and the existence and necessity of cat choir.