Jasper Fforde - The Eyre Affair

The small man looked triumphant.

‘So where does Bacon fit into all this?’ I asked him.

‘Francis Bacon was an Elizabethan writer who had been forced into becoming a lawyer and politician by his family. Since being associated with something like the theatre would have been frowned upon, Bacon had to enlist the help of a poor actor named Shakespeare to act as his front man—history has mistakenly linked the two Shakespeares to give added validity to a story that otherwise has little substance.’

‘And the proof?’

‘Hall and Marston—both Elizabethan satirists—were firmly of the belief that Bacon was the true author of “Venus and Adonis” and “The Rape of Lucrece”. I have a pamphlet here which goes into the matter further. More details are available at our monthly gatherings; we used to meet at the town hall but the radical wing of the “New Marlovians” fire-bombed us last week. I don’t know where we will meet next. But if I can take your name and number, we can be in touch.’

His face was earnest and smug; he thought he had me. I decided to play my trump card.

‘What about the will?’

‘The will?’ he echoed, slightly nervously. He was obviously hoping I wasn’t going to mention it.

‘Yes,’ I continued. ‘If Shakespeare were truly two people, then why would the Shakespeare in Stratford mention the London Shakespeare’s theatre colleagues Condell, Heming and Burbage in his will?’

The Baconian’s face fell.

‘I was hoping you wouldn’t ask.’ He sighed. ‘I’m wasting my time, aren’t I?’

‘I’m afraid you are.’

He muttered something under his breath and moved on. As I threw the bolt I could hear the Baconian knocking at the next door to ours. Perhaps he’d have better luck down the corridor.

‘What is a LiteraTec doing here anyway, Next?’ asked Buckett as we returned to the kitchen.

‘I’m here,’ I answered slowly, ‘because I know what he looks like; I’m not permanent in the least. As soon as I’ve fingered his man, Tamworth will transfer me back again.’

I poured some yoghurty milk down the sink and rinsed out the container.

‘Might be a blessing.’

‘I don’t see it that way. What about you? How did you get in with Tamworth?’

‘I’m antiterrorist usually. SO-9. But Tamworth has trouble with recruitment. He took a cavalry sabre for me. I owe him.’

He dropped his eyes and fiddled with his tie for a moment. I peered cautiously into a cupboard for a dishcloth, discovered something nasty and then closed it quickly.

Buckett took out his wallet and showed me a picture of a dribbling infant that looked like every other dribbling infant I had ever seen.

‘I’m married now so Tamworth knows I can’t stay; one’s needs change, you know.’

‘Good-looking kid.’

‘Thank you.’ He put the picture away. ‘You married?’

‘Not for want of trying,’ I replied as I filled the kettle. Buckett nodded and brought out a copy of Fast Horse.

‘Do you ever flutter on the gee-gees? I’ve had an unusual tip on Malabar.’

‘I don’t. Sorry.’

Buckett nodded. His conversation had pretty much dried up.

I brought in some coffee a few minutes later. Snood and Buckett were discussing the outcome of the Cheltenham Gold Stakes Handicap.

‘So you know what he looks like, Miss Next?’ asked the ancient Snood without looking up from the binoculars.

‘He was a lecturer of mine when I was at college. He’s tricky to describe, though.’

‘Average build?’

‘When I last saw him.’

‘Tan?’

‘At least six-six.’

‘Black hair worn swept back and greying at the temples?’

Buckett and I looked at one another.

‘Yes—?’

‘I think he’s over there, Thursday.’

I jerked the headphone jack out.

‘—Acheron!!’ came Styx’s voice over the loudspeaker. ‘Dear brother, what a pleasant surprise!’

I looked through the binoculars and could see Acheron in the flat with Styx. He was dressed in a large grey duster jacket and was exactly how I remembered him from all those years ago. It didn’t seem as though he had aged even one day. I shivered involuntarily.

‘Shit,’ I muttered. Snood had already dialled the pager number to alert Tamworth.

‘Mosquitoes have stung the blue goat,’ he muttered down the phone. ‘Thank you. Can you repeat that back and send it twice?’

My heart beat faster. Acheron might not stay long and I was in a position for advancement beyond the LiteraTecs for good. Capturing Hades would be something no one could ever ignore.

‘I’m going over there,’ I said almost casually.

‘What?!’

‘You heard. Stay here and call SO-14 for armed back-up, silent approach. Tell them we have gone in and to surround the building. Suspect will be armed and highly dangerous. Got it?’

Snood smiled in the manner that I had so liked in his son and reached for the telephone. I turned to Buckett. ‘You with me?’

Buckett had turned a little pale. ‘I’m—ah—with you,’ he replied slightly shakily.

I flew out of the door, down the stairs and into the lobby.

‘Next—!’

It was Buckett. He had stopped and was visibly shaking.

‘What is it?’

‘I… I… can’t do this,’ he announced, loosening his tie and rubbing the back of his neck. ‘I have the kid—! You don’t know what he can do. I’m a betting man, Next. I love long odds. But we try and take him and we’re both dead. I beg you, wait for 80-14!’

‘He could be long gone by then. All we have to do is detain him.’

Buckett bit his lip, but the man was terrified. He shook his head and beat a hasty retreat without another word. It was unnerving to say the least. I thought of shouting after him but remembered the picture of the dribbling kid. I pulled out my automatic, pushed open the door to the street and walked slowly across the road to the building opposite. As I did so Tamworth drew up in his car. He didn’t look very happy.

‘What the hell are you doing?’

‘Pursuing the suspect.’

‘No you’re not. Where’s Buckett?’

‘On his way home.’

‘I don’t blame him. SO-14 on their way?’

I nodded. He paused, looked up at the dark building and then at me.

‘Shit. Okay, stay behind and stay sharp. Shoot first, then question. Below the eight—‘

‘—above the law. I remember.’

‘Good.’

Tamworth pulled out his gun and we stepped cautiously into the lobby of the converted warehouse. Styx’s flat was on the seventh floor. Surprise, hopefully, would be on our side.

I tried to focus on the striplight above me. I knew that something had happened but the night when Tamworth and I tackled Acheron Hades had, for the moment at least, been erased from my mind. I frowned, but only fractured images paraded themselves in my consciousness. I remembered shooting a little old lady three times and running down a fire escape. I had a dim recollection of blasting away at my own car and being shot in the arm. I looked at my arm and it was, indeed, tightly bound with a white bandage. Then I remembered being shot again—in the chest. I breathed in and out a couple of times and was relieved that no crackly rasp reached my ears. There was a nurse in the room who said a few words I couldn’t decipher and smiled. I thought it odd and then lapsed once again into grateful slumber.