Patricia Wentworth - Danger Point

The door opened and she came in.

She was in grey with a little bunch of violets – not the kind you buy. She must have brought them up from Devonshire. They were small, and dark, and very sweet. There was one white one. He looked at the violets because for the moment it wasn’t easy to look at Lisle.

They touched hands. The only other time they had ever shaken hands was when Dale first brought her to Tanfield. It seemed strange and formal to be doing it now – so strange that he hadn’t a word to say. He was out of his own key, and not sure of hers.

She thought, “Why does he look like that? Oh, Rafe, are you ill? Or do you really hate me? Oh, Rafe, why ?”

But this was in her heart. Her lips began to speak at once, saying obediently all the things which people say when they have not met for a long time – “How are you?” and, “What have you been doing?” and, “Isn’t it kind of Margaret Cassels to lend me this charming flat? The Pearses have been angels, but I am quite well now, and Mr. Robson wants to see me.”

“So do I,” said Rafe. He looked at her then. “Are you well?”

“Don’t I look well? The Pearses thought I did them great credit.”

He went on looking. The strained patience was gone from her eyes, but it had left a shadow there. She was not so thin as she had been. There was colour in her cheeks, but it came and went in a breath. She had done her hair in a new way. It shone like very pale gold, like winter sunshine. He said,

“The sale has gone through. Tanfield’s gone to Tatham.”

Lisle looked away. She caught her breath and said softly,

“Do you mind?”

“Mind? I’m thankful!” He pushed back his chair and got up. “I thought he’d cry off when the war came, but not a bit of it – the moment the probate was through, there he was, just itching to sign a cheque and move in.”

There was a pause. He walked to the window and stood there with his back to her. A wet pavement, a row of houses opposite, a pale blue sky. He said abruptly,

“I’ve kept the Manor.”

“Oh, I’m so glad!” said Lisle in a pleased voice.

Still with his back to her, she heard him say,

“You liked it.”

“I loved it. There was something friendly about it, as if nice people had lived there and been fond of each other.”

“My father and mother lived there. They were – very fond of each other.”

There was another pause.

Extraordinary for Rafe to have no words.

He turned a little, and said simply,

“You know they’ve given me a job?”

“Yes. Is it interesting?”

“Oh, very. I could live at the Manor, but – I don’t suppose I shall.”

Lisle said, “Oh-”

None of this seemed to be getting them anywhere.

Rafe picked up the cord of the blind and began to twist it about his wrist.

“I don’t suppose you would ever want to see the place again.”

Lisle said, “Why?”

“I should think you would hate the sight of anything or anyone who reminded you of Tanfield.”

“Why should I?”

She saw his eyebrows lift with that queer crooked tilt. An odd smile just touched his lips and was gone again.

“Plenty of reasons, my dear.”

It was the old light voice for a moment. Then it quivered and broke. He untwisted the cord about his wrist and threw it back against the window. The ivory acorn rattled on the glass.

“Oh, Lisle – I love you so much!”

She felt the kind of surprise which stops thought. Thrown back on something simpler, she could only say,

“Do you?”

“Didn’t you know?”

She shook her head.

“You said you hated me.”

Rafe laughed. It was a queer jerky sound.

“I had to try and get you to go away. You weren’t safe. Did you really think I hated you?”

She put her hand to her cheek – the old gesture which had always caught at his heart. It said, “I’m defenceless – I don’t know what to do.”

He came over to her, pulled a chair up close to hers, and sat down on the arm.

“Let’s talk about it. I want to. I’ve been wanting to ever since – but – I can’t get the right words.”

She was looking up at him, her grey eyes dark, her colour now there, now gone.

“Why?”

“Because I’ve used them all up. I’ve made love to dozens of girls, but it’s all been a game – very pleasant at the time and no feelings hurt when it was over – love all and vantage all. But none of that’s any use now. It didn’t mean a thing – it was just a game. Now it’s – well, for the last twelve months it’s been hell.”

Her hand fell into her lap. She didn’t speak.

“Naturally you must hate the very sight of anyone connected with Tanfield. I said that to you just now, and you said ‘Why?’ I’ve been saying that to myself ever since July, and I’ve never got any further than ‘Why not?’ But I have got to the point where I want to know how we stand, and whether there’s ever going to be any hope for me. And before you say anything I want you to listen to me, and I want you to tell me the truth – the real truth. And you needn’t bother about wrapping it up – it won’t be any good.”

Lisle caught her lip between her teeth. Something in her was quivering. Her lip quivered too. She tried to hold it steady.

Rafe leaned forward. He put a hand on the arm of her chair.

“How do you feel when you’re with me?”

She was silent.

“You must know. You needn’t mind about hurting my feelings. We used to go about together a lot. What did you feel then?”

She said, “Safe,” and saw the colour run up into his face, darkening and changing it. Some of that haggard look was gone when the flush died down.

He said, “Is that true?” and she gave a grave little nod.

“Yes – quite true. I don’t tell lies. I always felt safe when you were there. Even when I was in the pool I felt safe – after you came.”

He drew back with a jerk.

“A kind of super policeman! By the way, I’ve made great friends with March. He’s a good chap.”

What had she said? Why had he suddenly drawn away like that just when the strangeness was melting away between them? Was it what she had said about the pool? She didn’t know. All she knew was that she couldn’t bear it if he went away and became a polite stranger again – Rafe, who had always been so lightly and cheerfully free with his tongue. Her colour rose. She looked at him in distress.

“Do you mind if we talk about it? I think we must – just this once. Because if we don’t, it will always be there – between us.”

The odd crooked smile again, changing to a sudden gravity.

“Go on then. What do you want to talk about?”

“Dale.”

The new bright colour went out as suddenly as a candle in the wind. It was as if a cold, dark wind out of the past had rushed between them.

He said, “Very well.”

She kept her eyes on his face.

“Did he ever love me – at all? It makes a difference, you see. I want to know the truth. Sometimes I think he did – at first. And then he got angry – about the money – and about Tanfield. I oughtn’t to have let him know I hated Tanfield. That was one of the things that made him want to kill me – he said so down at the pool. I keep on going over and over it in my own mind. That is why I want to know the truth. Do you think he did love me at all?”

Rafe didn’t look at her. He said in a strained voice,

“Dale didn’t love people. Sometimes he wanted them. He wanted Alicia. I don’t know what would have happened if he had married her. He wanted Lydia because of her money. He wanted you – not altogether because of the money, though he wouldn’t have married you if you hadn’t had it. That’s the truth, Lisle.”