J. Jance - Dead to Rights

The bitterness, anger, and betrayal in Terry Buckwalter’s voice were enough to take Joanna’s breath away. “What do you mean, wouldn’t let you ?” she repeated.

“When I got pregnant, Bucky told me that if I went through with having the baby, I’d be on my own,” Terry replied. “That raising it would be my responsibility, not his.”

“He couldn’t have done that.”

“Yes, he could, and he would have, too,” Terry said. “So I did what he wanted. I had an abortion.”

“You were already married?” Joanna asked.

“Yes.”

“And he still made you do that-abort the baby?”

“Yes.”

Behind the counter, Terry Buckwalter opened a desk drawer and began sorting through the items she found there-tossing some into a box and some into the trash while leaving the rest. For a space of almost half a minute, Joanna could think of nothing to say. She was too busy remembering Andy’s delighted grin when she had told him she was pregnant. Pregnant and unmarried. Roe versus Wade was a history by then. Joanna could have opted for an abortion, but there had never been any question of what to do. They had married and lived, reasonably happily, for as long an ever after as had been granted to them.

“That shocks you, doesn’t it,” Terry Buckwalter said quietly.

Across the distance of the counter, their eyes met briefly. In the space that followed, Joanna noticed that Helen Barco’s lay-old haircut still looked terrific, although the makeup job didn’t quite measure up. No doubt Terry had used all the same products Helen had applied, but Terry’s inexpert hand hadn’t achieved the same results. Still, she had tried, Joanna realized. She had put on makeup just to come across the backyard footpath to start packing up the clinic.

“I guess it does shock me,” Joanna admitted. “I didn’t think…”

“Husbands were like that?” Terry asked. “It depends on the raw material, doesn’t it,” she added with a derisive snort. ‘Some people marry Eagle Scouts. Others don’t.”

Sheriff Joanna Brady had come to the clinic on an investigative mission, thinking that she would catch Terry Buckwalter in the act of doing something wrong, something incriminating. Instead, they were talking together in a nakedly unguarded way that had everything to do with hurt and loss and grief and nothing at all with murder. In that room, littered with half filled packing boxes, they were simply two women comparing the jagged pieces of their broken hearts.

“How long has Andy been gone?” Terry asked.

“A little over four months,” Joanna said.

“I’m sorry,” Terry said. “Sorry for you. But you have to understand, my marriage has been over a lot longer than that. I did my grieving a long time ago.”

“You knew about them then?” Joanna asked. “About Bucky and Bebe?”

“Knew they were screwing around? Of course I knew. You’ve probably already figured out that she wasn’t the first. She is the last, though. I’m just surprised he let her get pregnant. He usually insisted on using protection.”

“How long has it been going on?” Joanna asked.

Terry shrugged. “Bebe’s worked here for the better part of two years, so I suppose it’s been about that long. When it came to assistants, Bucky never could keep his pants up.”

“Why didn’t you put a stop to it?” Joanna asked. “Why didn’t you throw him out, or else fire her?”

“What good would it do? He’d just find another one,” Terry answered. “He always did.”

“Why didn’t you leave then?”

“You mean why did I put up with it? You have to understand that what I had with Bucky was a hell of a lot better than what I came from.”

“How could this be better?” The words were out of her mouth before Joanna could stop them.

“For one thing, for the first time in my life, I had a real home. And a certain amount of respect, from other people, if not necessarily from Bucky. Later on, when I realized I’d traded one set of problems for another, I couldn’t see any alternative. With no formal education beyond my sophomore year in high school, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to make it on my own. So that’s what I did-put up with things. Ignored them.

“The last couple years, though, I stayed because I wanted to-because it was convenient. After all, I was finally getting a chance to do something for me. I used to play tennis, but the first time I held a golf club in my hand, I knew it was something I could do-something I’d be good at. I also knew that what I wanted to accomplish would take time. Time and money. Without Bucky I wouldn’t have had access to either one. I would have had to have a job that didn’t include afternoons off. I wouldn’t have had time to play, to say nothing of money for greens fees.”

Joanna was stunned. “You’re saying you stayed married for the sake of golf?” she demanded.

“Damned right. And it’s been worth it, too,” Terry Buckwalter declared. “I’m going to make it, Joanna. Just you wait and see. I’m going to go all the way to the top, and nobody’s going to stop me. Not Bucky and not Bucky’s little bastard, either.”

For Joanna, grief had manifested itself with tears that came and went, washing in and out without warning, periodically overwhelming her. For Terry Buckwalter, it seemed to be anger.

Abruptly, Terry pushed the chair back from the desk. “I just made some coffee. Do you want some?”

Detouring around a collection of packing boxes, Terry led Joanna into a backroom that was lined with lab equipment. On the far end of a Formica counter top sat an aged glass coffeemaker filled with newly brewed coffee. Terry filled a stained china mug with strong, lethal-looking coffee.

“No, thanks,” Joanna said. “I’ll pass.”

Terry opened a drawer beneath the counter and pawed through the contents. She plucked out a set of keys, a pocket knife, several matchbooks, and a selection of refrigerator magnets. After tossing those into one of the boxes, she slammed that drawer shut and went on to examine the next one.

“You’re moving, then?” Joanna asked.

“As soon as I can,” Terry returned. “All I’m doing today, though, is clearing out a few personal things-pictures, knickknacks, personal junk. The kinds of things the new vet won ’t have any use for. ”

“A new vet. It sounds as though you’ve sold the practice.

“Pretty much,” Terry said. “It’s not all finalized yet, but it will be before long.”

“Aren’t you worried about moving too fast?” Joanna asked. “If you make important decisions like that too soon, there’s always a chance someone will take advantage of you.”

Terry smiled for the first time. “I’ve been taken advantage of by an expert,” she said. “Compared to that, this is fine. Besides, it was all set up long ago. Bucky and Reggie made all the arrangements late last fall, shortly after Bucky got out of treatment. The valuations were all set then. Nobody’s cheating. Reggie Wade is buying the practice under that pre-set formula, less the money we already owe him. If something had happened to Reggie, Bucky would have done the same thing-bought him out. Actually, setting that whole process up in advance is probably the nicest thing Bucky Buckwalter ever did for me.”

“Less what money?” Joanna asked.

“Reggie Wade lent Bucky and me money last year when things went so sour. After the accident, we had to post a bond, pay for lawyers and all kinds of other expenses that weren’t exactly expected. We tried the bank first, but I guess they figured if Bucky went to jail, there’d be no way for us to pay it off. We were right up against it when Reggie came to the rescue. He and Bucky worked out a deal. Reggie lent us what we needed, using the practice as collateral.”