Amanda Matetsky - Dial Me for Murder

“I don’t understand,” I said, slowly, carefully, cagily (and, I’m surprised to say, successfully) inching myself up to a sitting position. “What’s going on here? How did you get into my apartment?” I hugged my arms to my waist and slumped forward, hoping to make my breasts a less interesting and accessible target.

“I’m the DA, honey,” he crowed. “This city belongs to me. I can open any door I want.” He took a ring of master keys out of his pocket and proudly jangled them in front of my face. “I didn’t need a key today, though, since you were kind enough to leave your back door open.”

Great. I must have forgotten to lock the door after going onto the balcony for a breath of fishy air. I was the biggest idiot who ever walked the earth. If Hogarth didn’t shoot me soon, I was going to grab his gun and do it myself.

“Okay, that explains how you got in,” I said, “but it doesn’t explain why you wanted to get in. So will you please tell me why you’re here and why you’re pointing that ugly gun at me?”

“Don’t play games with me, doll,” he said. “You know exactly why I’m here.”

“No, I don’t!” I cried, sensing that the time for acting cool was over. I dropped my daring detective routine and let my scaredy-cat emotions out of their cage. “I really don’t know what’s going on! Please tell me what’s wrong,” I begged. “What have I done? If you’re going to kill me, couldn’t you at least do me the favor of explaining why?” If I could get him to start talking, I reasoned, maybe he wouldn’t start shooting.

Hogarth’s grin grew even wider. “So the notorious Paige Turner isn’t as smart or brave as people think she is,” he said, gloating, grunting, glaring at me in triumph. He stepped away from the couch, and lowered the gun to his side. “You want to know why you’re going to die, pussy? Then I’ll tell you. It’s because you’re a devious, conniving slut, that’s why! You wormed your way into my office under false pretenses, and you asked a lot of disrespectful questions, and you wouldn’t stop prying into matters that didn’t concern you. I had your number from the start. Then, when Candy admitted she told you about our secret sex arrangement, and that you would back her up if she decided to go to the papers with the story, I knew both of you had to die.”

“But I never said I would talk to the press! When did Candy tell you that?”

“At approximately three fifteen this morning,” he said, still grinning. “Right before I drowned her.”

“ You drowned her?” I sputtered, acting as astonished and confused as Lucy always does when she’s caught with her bloomers down. “I thought Tony Corona killed her! I found his St. Christopher medal at the scene and I-”

“Yeah, that was a pretty slick trick,” Hogarth said, eyes glistening with pride. “I should get a medal for that one.”

His ego was showing, and it was time for me to stroke it. “You mean you dropped the medal in the pool?” I fawned, batting my lashes, acting impressed, hoping to keep him talking forever. “That really was a slick trick! Incredibly clever. But how did you get it off Corona ’s neck?”

“Ha! That was the easy part. The stupid bastard took it off for me. While I was talking to Tony in his dressing room last night, he was pacing around, nervously pulling on the chain, and the clasp broke. He yanked the medal off and slapped it down on the makeup table. I stuck it in my pocket on the way out.”

“You are one smooth operator,” I wheedled, buttering his ego on both sides. “A man of true ingenuity! I never, ever would have guessed that you-”

“Oh, can the crap!” Hogarth snapped. “You think you can fool me with your phony flappy-eyed performance? When are you going to get the fucking message? I’m the goddamn district attorney, dollface. I have a lot more connections and inside informers than you or your stupid boyfriend will ever have! And according to Detective Dominick Mudd of the Nineteenth Precinct, you never even mentioned Corona ’s name when he questioned you at the Barbizon. So you were either lying to him, or you’re lying to me.”

“I was lying to him!” I croaked, telling the God’s honest truth. “You’ve got to believe me! I thought Corona killed Melody and Candy.”

“Maybe you did, and maybe you didn’t,” he sneered, “but that hardly matters now, does it, pussy? Detective Casey O’Connor of Midtown North tells me your big bad boyfriend arrested Tony Corona for Melody’s murder last night, and that he brought him into the station for booking around three this morning-which we both know was the approximate time of Candy’s death. So you knew damn well-even before I admitted it to you-that I killed Candy. And I knew that you knew. And that’s why I’m here, you stupid bitch-and that’s why you’re going to die. Your hotshot boyfriend will be next.”

“But killing us won’t keep the truth from coming out!” I cried, even though I knew it probably would. (I hadn’t even had a chance to tell Sabrina and Abby the whole story!) “Dan and I aren’t the only ones who know what you did,” I blustered on, “and if we’re found dead, you’ll be convicted of three murders instead of one!” (I didn’t believe a word I said, but I’ll defend to the death my right to say it.)

“Not a chance, dollface,” Hogarth declared. “I’ll never be convicted, or even accused, of a goddamn thing. All three murders will be laid at Frank Costello’s door. I’ll make sure of that. There’s a big mob war going on, in case you haven’t heard. And with Tony Corona under indictment for a related homicide, it’ll be a cinch to link three more killings to Costello’s murder squad.”

“You’re out of your mind!” I screeched. “Dan’s with the police commissioner right now, planning a full-scale investigation into your connections with Sabrina Stanhope and Melody and Candy. And my boss, Oliver Rice Harrington, is standing by to print the facts in all his newspapers and magazines! If you kill me or Dan, you’ll go straight to the chair.”

Oh, who was I trying to kid? The goddamn district attorney, that’s who. I was up against Goliath without a stone or a sling. I might as well paint a bull’s-eye on my bosom and lie back down on the couch.

Hogarth had the same idea. “Shut up!” he said, leering at me and aiming his gun at my chest. “I’m sick of listening to your whiny voice. And I’ve heard enough of your absurd and boring lies. I’m in the mood for something more stimulating. So take off all your clothes, sweetheart, and lie down on your back. I want to see you helpless and naked before I shoot you to smithereens.”

THE JIG WAS UP. I HAD TWO CHOICES. I COULD strip down and try to lure Hogarth into raping me instead of killing me. Or I could shriek like a banshee, fly off the couch in a fury, kick him in the groin, and then hurl myself through the living room window-hopefully before he plugged me full of holes. In my freaked-out, stressed-out, burned-out condition, however, neither option was viable. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even breathe. All I could do was squeeze my eyes shut and pray for a miracle… or, at the very least, a speedy death.

Since my eyes were closed so tightly, I didn’t see what happened next. And since the sounds I heard were so odd and unexpected, they didn’t quite penetrate my addled consciousness. I was braced for the silenced thwack of a bullet hitting flesh and bone (my flesh and bone), but what I heard was something entirely different. It was a crazy scraping, skritch-scratching sound that took off from the rear of the kitchen, charged into the living room, and then changed into a ferocious growl.