Beth Solheim - At Witt's End

Sadie turned to hurl an insult back at Theo.

Mr. Bakke said, “It's the weather. The sultry air makes Jane testy."

"If Jane wore shorts like the rest of us, she might be more comfortable."

"I wouldn't be caught dead in shorts at my age. And neither should you,” Jane said. “Look at yourself. When you bend over I can see your butt. It looks like you don't have any underwear on."

"I don't,” Sadie said. “Too hot."

"Oh, good Lord,” Theo said with a rasp.

A knock at the screen door interrupted the bickering.

"Are you ready to leave yet?” Aanders said. He crossed the span from the door to the cookie jar in three long strides, allowing the screen door to slam behind him.

Sadie knocked on the door to the inner room and shouted to the crossers. “It's time to go. Get in the van.” She pointed a finger at Aanders. “I'm counting on you to help Tim. He's getting weak. It's your responsibility to see he finds someone on the brink. If he doesn't, he might not find his parents."

"I know,” Aanders answered. “We'll try. When we get back, we need to talk to you. Tim knows why he was held back. He wants me to help him prove it, but I can't do it unless you help, too."

"I'll keep an eye on them,” Lora said as she climbed into the shuttle. “Maybe if they think I'll tattle, they'll try harder."

Rodney jumped in the van, slumped down, and kicked his legs across the aisle, propping his feet on Lora's seat. “Are you going to snitch on me, too?"

"I don't think she's concerned with what you do, Rodney,” Sadie said.

"Yes she is. She has the hots for me."

Michael tapped Sadie on the back. “Do you have to take Belly to the dog doctor?"

Puzzled, Sadie turned around to look at the boy. “What for?"

"You told Mr. Bakke that Belly got his nose bent out of joint. It got bent when you made him go outside because he rolled in rotten fish on the beach. Remember?” Michael put his chin on the back of the seat. “I looked at his nose, but I couldn't tell if it was bent. Maybe you should have the doctor look at it. I want Belly to get better."

"I think you're right,” Sadie said. “I'll take care of that while you're at the nursing home. When you get back, he'll be fine."

"Dumb kid,” Rodney said and leaned his head back on the van's window.

At 5:00 p.m., Sadie returned to the nursing home to gather the crossers. She pulled in under the portico, descended the van's steps, grabbed the no-parking sign, and tugged it down the driveway away from the van.

Theo climbed the van steps and sat in the first seat next to the door. His head swiveled back and forth while Sadie carried on a conversation with the residents under the portico. “What a pitiful situation,” he said when Sadie returned to the driver's seat. “A bunch of old people sitting around waiting to die."

"Would you prefer they waited out on the street?” Sadie shot Theo a ‘you're as dense as a doorknob’ look.

Theo sat with his knees tight together and the briefcase resting on his lap. “I see you failed Humor 101."

"Coming from the master of comedy, that's a pretty strong statement.” Sadie looked toward the portico and tried to see beyond the residents clustered near the doorway.

Sadie patted her hair. “Notice anything new?"

"Other than that skunk on your head?"

Sadie turned her head back and forth and gazed in the rearview mirror. “I can't help it if most of the highlights ended up in a row on top.” She picked at the blond spikes and tried to move some of them sideways. “Big Leon said it'll look better after he cuts off some of the streak."

"I'd schedule that appointment if I were you.” Theo sighed impatiently then tipped his wrist to look at his watch. “What's taking them so long? I don't have all day."

"You have thirty days,” Sadie said. “And you've used up about 10 of them. How come you're always the first one back on the van? Are you sure you're putting your energy into finding someone on the brink?"

"Spare the sermon. I've had all I can tolerate for one day. Lora is sobbing in one of hallways because Rodney's harassing her again. That wretched creature has enough to worry about. And the boys are hatching a plan to find a murderer."

"A murderer?"

"Tim's convinced his father was murdered."

Staring at Theo, Sadie said, “Did he tell you that?"

"No. But I overheard them talking about it. Something about a rifle."

"A rifle? That doesn't make sense. Richard wasn't shot. But Tim's not the first to question his father's death. Nan 's friend, Lon, is concerned, too."

"It's amazing how little minds fabricate huge scenarios, isn't it?” Theo said.

Sadie bit at the corner of her mouth. Theo riled her. His contempt for those beneath him increased by the day causing him to lose sight of his declaration.

Sadie pushed the release lever and the van's door swung shut. She grabbed the keys off the dash, started the van, and pulled away from the no-parking zone.

"What are you doing?” Theo cried. “What about the others?"

"They'll have to wait. I've waited for them, so they can wait for me.” Sadie drove two miles before bringing the van to a standstill at Nordeen Point, a public park situated on the north side of Pinecone Lake.

Sadie got out of the driver's seat and sat directly across from Theo. “I want to know how it went today, Theo. Were you able to zero in on anyone near death?"

"Aren't they all?"

"You're quick to criticize, but they're not all waiting to die. What makes you think their lives weren't as good as yours."

"Because they're not me,” Theo said under his breath.

Sadie sat on the edge of the seat with her legs dangling in the aisle. “Did you ever enjoy yourself? Or did you spend your entire life with that steel rod up your butt?"

"There. That's exactly what I mean, Sadie,” Theo said. “You're as crass as they come. Your language is repulsive and you have no respect for anyone's feelings. Put yourself in my place and see how it feels to find out you're dead."

"You put yourself in my place and think about taking responsibility for one crosser after another,” Sadie said. “That's not a bed of geraniums, either."

Theo cringed. “Roses. It's roses. If you have to use a tired cliche, at least get it right".

"We're not going back to the cabin until you tell me something about your past."

"What do you need to know?"

"Tell me about your life. Did you marry? Do you have children? If you do, that must have been a miracle because I can't picture you having sex with that rod up your butt."

"Are you sure you're not Rodney's mother?"

Sadie grabbed her breasts and shook them. “Positive. Rodney said his old lady had big tits. Remember?” With palms up, Sadie wriggled her fingers to indicate she wanted him to talk. “I'm prepared to stay here all night if that's what it takes."

Staring out the window at the children playing on the swings, Theo said, “I'll allow two questions. Then I want to go back to the cabin."

"Were you married and do you have children?"

"That's two questions. But because they're related, I'll allow it as one."

"Are you a judge?” Sadie asked. “You've made a few comments that make me think you're a judge or a lawyer."

"Is that one of your questions?"

"No. But I need to know because I have some questions unrelated to being a crosser."

"If you want legal advice regarding that lawsuit, I'm not going to make any comments."

"Do you think we have a chance?"

"Not if the judge knows you.” Theo smiled.

"We're going to talk more about this later."

"I don't think so,” Theo responded with a slow shake of his head.

Theo and Sadie turned to watch a procession of cyclists ride past the van. Sadie grinned broadly and waved as one of the cyclists recognized her and shouted a greeting.