Helene Tursten - The Torso

Irene collected herself after her initial reaction. “Why aren’t you surprised?” she asked.

“He needed excitement and danger. Together with sex. If you understand.”

Several people had said the same thing in similar words. Irene understood but still said, “Explain a bit more. Or why not tell me about your relationship with Marcus from the beginning?”

“Maybe that would be best. We’ve known each other all our lives. He was a year older than I. Our parents were neighbors and spent a lot of time together. We were best friends, played with each other all the time, and were always together, too. When we were teenagers, there was a bit more. . making out between us. In hindsight, I’ve realized that I was always the one who took the initiative. But I didn’t have any experience with other boys, and I thought that Marcus and I were very much in love with each other. Because I really loved him. During my entire childhood and youth there wasn’t anyone else. He went along with cuddling and making out, but never sex. I was naive and romantic and thought that it would sort itself out on our wedding night. That he was saving himself for that.”

Angelica stopped herself.

“You never sensed that Marcus was gay?” Irene asked.

“No. Never. As I said, I was very naive and I’d had a protected childhood. That’s why the realization was so traumatic.”

She blew her nose discreetly before continuing. “The summer I turned eighteen, Marcus asked if I wanted to go with him to Crete. I was overjoyed. Somewhere inside me, hope started growing. The Greek sun and warmth would get Marcus’s hormones to wake up, and we would finally have sex. Because I really felt I was mature enough for it. We landed at the airport in Chania late in the afternoon, so by the time we had checked in and gotten things sorted out with the hotel room, it was time for dinner. The hotel we were staying at was located in Platania. It was right by the beach and couldn’t have been more romantic. I still remember that night. We were sitting at a beachside tavern watching the sun disappear into the Mediterranean. The food was fantastic and we had shared a bottle of wine. We had also had some whiskey in the hotel room. I wasn’t used to it and became a bit tipsy. Marcus suddenly got up from the table, mumbling an apology. I thought that he was just going to go to the bathroom. But he never came back. I sat and waited for him for more than an hour. When the staff started looking at me strangely, I paid and went up to the hotel room. He didn’t show up during the night.”

“Didn’t you report him missing to the hotel staff? Or the police?” Irene asked.

“That came later. I fell into an uneasy sleep in the early morning hours and slept until nine o’clock. When I woke up, a very clear memory came back to me. Just as Marcus had gotten up and hurried away, a man dressed in military clothes did the same, and I got the impression that they had nodded at each other faintly. As if they knew each other. But it was impossible. Marcus had never been to Crete before. I managed to convince myself that I was mistaken and that I had to do something. But I didn’t know what. Maybe something bad had happened to Marcus. I went out on the streets and wandered around aimlessly a while without knowing what I was going to do next. Then I saw the jeep.”

Angelica took a deep breath. “A military jeep came driving at a high speed down the main street of Platania. It was forced to slow down because of a car that was turning just a few meters away from me. A military man was sitting in front, driving. Marcus was in the backseat with the man I had seen at the restaurant the night before. He was still wearing a uniform. The jeep disappeared from my line of sight. I totally panicked. I rushed into the telegraph office, which was located a few hundred meters farther down the same street, and requested a phone call home to my parents. When Pappa answered, I started screaming that Marcus had been arrested by the military and was probably being taken away to some Greek prison. Because my father is a man with good international contacts, he promised to find out what had happened to Marcus right away. He called the consulate in Athens, which in turn contacted Heraklion in Crete. Pappa had told me to be in the hotel room two hours later. He called me like he had promised but he hadn’t gotten any information yet. I remember that he told me to go and eat and swim and he would be in touch around four o’clock. I didn’t have the energy to eat or sunbathe. I sat glued to the phone instead. Pappa called at four o’clock and I could tell by the sound of his voice that it was hard for him to tell me what had happened. In the end, I understood what he was saying. Marcus had been found. He was with a high-ranking military officer at the military base in Maleme. They weren’t on the base but in the personal home of the officer, and Marcus was there of his own free will. I still remember Pappa’s sympathetic voice when he asked if I wanted to come home right away or stay the whole week as planned. You aren’t going to believe me, but I chose to stay the whole week. I hadn’t really accepted what Pappa told me. I thought that I had to be there when Marcus came back. Surely everything would turn out to be a misunderstanding. Not even then did I realize Marcus was gay. Not even then. . I didn’t want to see the truth.”

She stopped herself again.

“When did you realize that Marcus was gay?” Irene asked.

“When he showed up after three days. Just as bright and cheerful as usual. I was at the point of collapse. Actually, I was just as pale as I had been when I arrived in Crete. It wasn’t fun to lie by yourself on the beach, and I didn’t have enough peace of mind to do it. But Marcus was tan over his whole body. He certainly didn’t have any tan lines from a bathing suit! When I asked what the marks around his wrists and neck were, he only laughed and hugged me. But the marks were terrible; his skin was chafed and covered with sores. Even I could see that he had been tied up. He was sweet with me and was in his usual cuddly mood during the afternoon. In the evening he got dressed up and invited me out to dinner. After dinner we went to a disco. Not fifteen minutes had passed before he disappeared again. But this time I understood what had happened. He had met a man again.”

“When did he come back?”

“Late the next morning, but by then I had had enough. There were two sweet Norwegian guys living in the same corridor as we were and I basically moved in with them.”

At the last sentence she laughed. Apparently not all her memories from the trip to Crete were unpleasant.

“Did you speak with Marcus afterward about what had happened?”

“No. That’s what was so weird. When we went back home on the plane we didn’t say a word about his disappearing. Anyone who saw us must have believed we were a young couple in love traveling home from a very nice vacation. And we never talked about it later either. But our relationship changed. The making out and the cuddling ended, but, strangely enough, we continued to be the best of friends. We’ve continued to stay in touch through the years. I write to him a few times a year and he calls me. In recent years it has mostly been e-mails back and forth.”

“Haven’t you wondered why he hasn’t been in touch during the last few months?”

“Yes. At Easter. He always sends a greeting or gets in touch. But he didn’t this year. I was a bit upset but that’s the way it was with Marcus. I could go a long time without hearing from him, but when he did get in touch it was always as though no time had passed since the last time.”

“When was the last time you had contact with Marcus?”

Angelica thought a moment before replying. “He sent an e-mail on Stan’s fortieth birthday. Stan is my husband. His birthday was February 3. I had reminded Marcus when we spoke on the phone New Year’s Eve. I never thought that he would remember, but he did.”