James Ellroy - The Best American Noir of the Century

“She couldn’t — at least, not yet.” Adam’s words were weighed down with a certain edge of sadness. “There were a few more items she needed to clear up first.”

“Dottie was sick,” Jeffrey said. “Very sick. That bout with the stomach that Adam helped clear her of was merely the first indication of how deep her illness ran and how serious a final outcome it would lead to. That was what brought her to us, individually at first, and then later in small groups.”

“What did she want from you?” I asked, the words forcing their way from my mouth. My throat burned and I felt my heart doing a Keith Moon pounding against my chest. I held on to the edges of the table as if it were a life vest, doing all I could not to scream out in agony.

“She asked us to take care of you, look after you after she was gone,” Steve said. “Each in a way she knew we could. Adam would make sure you took care of your health. Jerry would pull you out of debt with whatever was left of the insurance money coming your way, working to set your finances in order. Me? I had been your closest friend, and she asked that I stay that way, no matter how much of an ass you turned into.”

“I would take you to as many games as you could stand,” Joe said. “Dottie told me how often you wished you had a chance to see one team or the other play, and she felt going with a friend would help take your mind off your loss. Tony could show how good a therapist he really is and would see you free of charge. Only you wouldn’t know it, since all your bills would be going to Jerry, anyway.”

“And Adam and I were asked to simply look after anything else that fell through the cracks,” Jeffrey said, “either spiritually or physically. Dottie covered every base by simply turning to the only friends she knew you had. The men at this table.”

“It was also important to her that the game keep going,” Jerry said. “She felt the weekly poker nights served as an anchor against all the other crap that was going on in your life. She thought you needed it. But after tonight, I’m not all that sure she was right on that count.”

“Your suspicions were right,” Steve said, “only they were headed in the wrong direction. We were all involved with Dottie. And Dottie was involved with all of us. We each had a mutual interest, and that was you.”

“Feel better now?” Adam asked.

I looked at them, scanning their tired and worn faces, and nodded. “I’m sorry.” My mouth was as hot and as dry as an August afternoon. “I wasn’t thinking straight. I most likely said a lot of the wrong things. And I did something horrible which I know can never be undone.”

“We might be pissed at you, Ike,” Joe said. “But trust me, we’ll get over it. Dottie is right. We’re friends here. Even Adam and Jerry, whether they want to admit it or not. And that gives us all quite a bit of leeway. By the time the next game rolls around, what happened tonight will be only a memory.”

“I hope that’s true,” I said. “You don’t know how much I want that to be true.”

“It will be,” Jeffrey said softly. “There’s no reason for it not to be.”

“How much time did — excuse me — does Dottie have left?” I directed my question mainly to Adam.

“It’s a fast-moving disease,” Adam said, “and it was caught very late. Based on her most recent tests, I would say a month at best, two if she’s at all lucky.”

“And is there any chance she might beat it?” I asked.

“No,” Adam said. “I can’t lie to you about that. There’s no chance at all. What Dottie has is terminal.”

“And did you all agree to help me?” I asked. “To do all the things she asked you to do for me?”

“What kind of friend would say no to something like that?” Jerry said. “We would do anything Dottie asked. And to be honest, we would have done it even if she hadn’t asked us.”

“We’re all you have,” Joe said. “We’re all what each of us has. The poker game is just a good excuse to get together. We’re family. This is it, all of it, right here in this very room. No matter how crazy or stupid some of us get at times, we are all here and will always be here for each other.”

“Dottie was right,” I said. “You are my friends and my family. She always could see that in a much clearer light.”

“She told me if we could keep it all together, then none of us would ever be alone,” Tony said. “And there’s no reason why we should ever not let it be so.”

“Would you help me then with Dottie?” I asked. “See that she gets buried properly, with respect and with care.”

“You know we will,” Jeffrey said. “You don’t even need to ask.”

“Dottie’s in the bedroom,” I told them. “I’m going to take a few minutes alone with her. Once we’re ready, I’ll call for you. I will need your help then.”

“We’ll be here for you,” Steve said. “Count on it.”

“I will,” I told them. I eased out of my chair and began to make my way toward the back bedroom and the bleeding and ruined body of my wife, Dottie.

“Believe me, I will.”