R. Raichev - The Murder Of Gonzago

‘No, never.’

‘He was quite horrible to me,’ she said. ‘On my first day at La Sorcière he hid my glasses under a sofa cushion. I spent ages looking for them. I am lost without my glasses. I didn’t have a spare pair. He seemed to relish the spectacle of my taking an armchair for a fellow guest and apologizing after bumping into it,’ Hortense rambled on. ‘He made me look a fool. He referred to me by a nickname – Miss Baedeker – on account of the Baedeker he had seen on my bedside table. I don’t suppose people use Baedekers any longer?’

‘It’s a bit dated now,’ Payne said.

‘Lord Remnant enjoyed humiliating people. He would do anything to be the centre of attention. For instance, he shot an enormous crocodile once; he then had it stuffed and encrusted with jewels and he put it in the bed in one of the guests’ rooms!’

‘Was he a hunter?’

‘I believe he was. Most of his ideas were decidedly crackpot. Apparently, at one time he got it into his head that “Begin the Beguine” had such emotional power that it could destroy moral judgement and induce wantonness, so he played it all the time – now what do you think of that ?’

‘Decidedly crackpot,’ Payne agreed.

‘He was prey to the most disturbing urges. He wanted to box people’s ears for interrupting him or for not getting the point of a joke!’

‘Did he actually box anyone’s ears?’

‘He boxed Stephan’s ears. He kept picking on the poor boy, even though he knew perfectly well he shouldn’t. He kept provoking him. The boy is not well. Far from it.’

‘What is wrong with Stephan?’ Antonia asked.

‘A lot of things. Drugs. General instability. Perhaps the two are connected? Bad heredity. Stephan is emotionally stunted. He can be extremely childish. Sucks his thumb. Uses baby language. He used to refer to Roderick as Daddy R. Louise Hunter was Auntie Lou. I was Aunt Tense. Stephan’s been in and out of various private clinics and rehabs ever since he was fourteen.’

‘How old is he now?’

‘Eighteen and a half. Lord Remnant kept teasing him mercilessly, saying such awful things to him, driving him to rages. Stephan got his drugs from local suppliers, apparently. I mean West Indians. Lord Remnant knew all about it. I strongly suspect he actually encouraged Stephan to take drugs. I believe he enjoyed maintaining a hold over Stephan. Drugs are quite easy to get in the Caribbean, sadly.’

‘So we have heard.’

‘Lord Remnant upset everyone, but no one dared contradict him. People were afraid of him. I couldn’t stand him. I thought the world would be a better place without him. I kept wishing him dead!’

‘Isn’t that a dangerous admission?’ Payne said with a smile.

‘Oh, it’s one thing to wish people dead, a completely different thing to actually kill them,’ Hortense said in dismissive tones. ‘I am not brave enough. Besides – look at me – blind as a bat, even with my glasses on! I’ve never held a gun in my life. But I was telling you about Gonzago . Well, everyone went along with the idea. Clarissa made me watch their rehearsals. Lord Remnant put on such airs, you’d have thought he was the new Olivier! Clarissa kept asking me if she looked too ridiculous. I told her she looked marvellous.’

‘Whose idea was it to record the performance with a video camera?’

‘Clarissa’s. Clarissa has a passion for home movies. Poor girl, she always wanted to be an actress. She is enormously talented. She’s got a real flair for all things theatrical. It was Clarissa who chose the background music. “The Bilbao Song”, and that was followed by “Le Roi d’Aquitaine”. It’s the kind of music that creates a peculiarly unsettling, highcamp sort of mood, which was precisely what she wanted.’

‘So Lord Remnant was shot in the back of the head,’ said Payne. ‘How big was the revolver?’

‘It was absurdly small. It looked like a toy. No one in the room heard the shot. The gun had a silencer. Louise said she heard a popping sound, but she imagined it was one of the sound effects in “The Bilbao Song”, which had a kind of a drumbeat to it. No one saw the gun sticking out from between the window curtains either, or so they said.’

‘You were not in the room when the shot was fired?’ Payne tried to sound as casual as possible.

‘I wasn’t. I’d dashed to the loo. When I came back, it was all over. Lord Remnant lay dead. Everyone had frozen. They might have been stuffed with sawdust. I was beset by the kind of primeval panic that brings about mass hysteria, pogroms and stampedes, but that came later, much later, after I’d returned to England. At first they thought that he’d had a heart attack, he’d complained of chest pains earlier on, but then Dr Sylvester-Sale discovered the hole.’

‘The hole in the back of Lord Remnant’s head?’

‘Yes. A very tiny hole, apparently. Later on we found the gun outside on the terrace. It was lying beside the head.’

‘Bottom’s head?’

‘Yes. We’d seen the shadow outlined against the curtains earlier on… The shadow kept appearing and disappearing. We knew Stephan was lurking outside the windows. Perhaps we should have kept a closer eye on him, but we didn’t.’

Antonia asked if anyone had seen the gun before.

‘As a matter of fact we all had, my dear. It belonged to Lord Remnant. It was very small and beautifully crafted. Lord Remnant had kept several guns in the house since the trouble with the locals. He’d been receiving death threats because he’d had a lot of families evicted from his land. He’d had a lot of houses demolished and so on. He was very unpopular. He was universally loathed.’

‘Death threats?’ Payne echoed.

‘Yes. Some gruesomely graphic ones. They were always pinned on the sundial in the garden, Clarissa said. It seems most of the locals had it in for Lord Remnant. They hated his guts… Clarissa kept finding voodoo dolls made in the likeness of Lord Remnant scattered about the estate – stuck with hundreds of needles! She thought at first they were baby porcupines! The irony is that in the end, it was the enemy within who killed Lord Remnant. His stepson.’

‘Such a sweet, gentle boy. So clever and he could be really funny.’ Hortense sighed. ‘But he became a demon when provoked… He is prey to the extremes of mood that seem to agonize all drug addicts. He had already tried to shoot his stepfather with that very same gun .’

‘Really?’

‘Yes! It happened earlier that day. Stephan detested his stepfather. Only the week before he’d stabbed Lord Remnant in the hand with a quill pen! It left a nasty red scar between his thumb and index finger.’

‘Why did Stephan try to shoot Lord Remnant?’ Antonia asked.

‘Well, it seems the earl caught Stephan red-handed in his study, trying to steal an extremely valuable porcelain dragon of the Ming dynasty. Stephan said he needed money badly. He said he needed a fix. He was quite open about it. Stephan liked to talk about his addiction. When Lord Remnant took a step towards him, Stephan opened the top desk drawer and pulled out the gun.’

‘He clearly knew it was there.’

‘He did know it, Major Payne. He brandished the gun in Lord Remnant’s face, then he aimed it at his head. The gun, as it happened, was empty, but Stephan kept pressing the trigger. Eventually, Lord Remnant and Augustine – that’s the black major-domo – managed to disarm him. Lord Remnant told us the story himself, with great relish.’

‘Where did Lord Remnant keep his ammunition?’

‘In that same drawer. Several boxes of it. In some ways, he was a very stupid man – impetuous – careless – reckless – so you may say that he was to blame for his own death. He should have kept the ammunition under lock and key, only he didn’t. It was almost as though he had a death wish!’