Claire McNab - Kookaburra Gambit

Tami shook her head, too, at the deceit of it all.

I put on a puzzled frown. "I don't get what you mean."

"It's clear to me Alf and Chicka arranged for the opals to be hidden in the kookaburra toys in Australia. Obviously they plan to sell them here. Now you've been implicated in this illegal activity. I'm afraid law enforcement won't believe your protestations of innocence. You're in a lot of trouble, my dear."

"I don't see why," I announced. "Alf said it was you who arranged for the opals to be put in the kookaburras."

Another regretful shake of his head. "After all I've done for Alf and Chicka Hartnidge. After all the opportunities they've been given."

"Shocking," murmured Tami.

Brother Owen gazed at the ceiling, as if calling for divine guidance. "As a man of God, I'll turn the other cheek, no matter how deep the betrayal, but still, the deceit breaks my heart."

"You'll turn them in?"

His attention snapped back to me. "Of course not. It's not my role to judge." Another ceiling glance. This bloke had that in common with Melodic "There is a higher, heavenly court that ultimately Alf and Chicka must face."

"So what happens to the opals?" I asked, ever practical.

"You will be giving the opals to me." He put out his hand. "These precious stones will be used in the work of the Church of Possibilities. Thus, out of evil comes good."

"Amen," said Tami.

Ron Udell came into the room. With his soft, flabby body and rumpled clothes, he was as unappetizing as he'd been at the Oz Mob Burbank offices. "I got here as soon as I could." He scowled at me, then said to Brother Owen, "Did you check her out?"

"No need. Kylie came to me for counsel." A self-satisfied smile. "And I believe we've solved her little problem."

"You can't afford to be careless." Udell went to a drawer in the desk and took out some sort of electronic instrument. I had a fair idea what it was. He strode over to me, the instrument extended in his hand.

It beeped. "Christ! She's wired!"

Both Brother Owen and Tami leapt up, mouths agape. Brother Owen put his hands to his head. "Jesus! Jesus! What the fuck did I say?"

Ron Udell, not standing on ceremony, ripped open my shirt and grabbed the microphone attached to my bra. He smashed it with his heel. Then he searched me roughly. "It's a radio transmission to someone outside the building."

Brother Owen turned on Tami. "You stupid bitch! You brought her here!"

"It's not fair to blame me. You told me to," she said resentfully.

"Fuck," said Udell, his face ashen. "If it's the feds, we've had it."

Brother Owen seized my shoulders and shook me violently. "Who is it? The feds? Tell me!"

"It's Alf and Chicka," I got out.

He released me. "The Hartnidges?"

"They realized you were setting them up, so you could take over the whole Oz Mob operation. I said I'd help."

Ron Udell let out a sigh of relief. "The Hartnidges. We can handle them."

Brother Owen released his breath in a similar sigh. "Thank God."

"Alf and Chicka are right, aren't they?" I said. "You arranged to have the opals put in the Kelvin Kookaburras, didn't you?"

"Don't say anything to her," said Udell.

Brother Owen shrugged. "Who's she going to tell, and be believed?" He was visibly regaining his pompous self-importance, now that his panic had subsided.

"You're absolutely right," he said to me. "It was an ingenious scheme. The Oz Mob concept is an excellent one, but the Hartnidge brothers have no idea how to fully exploit it. I do. I'm sure they'll listen to reason and sign the rights over to Lamb White. If they play along, I'll make sure they get something for their trouble. If not…" His gesture condemned Alf and Chicka to the outer reaches.

"And you didn't have much overhead with the scam," I said, "since you used stolen opals."

He looked at me with sudden misgiving. "How did you know that?"

"They were stolen from Ralphie's Opalarium in Wollegudgerie."

"How did you know that?" he repeated.

"Oh, fuck," said Ron Udell, as the study door opened.

"Excuse me, sir," said the woman in the black dress. "These gentlemen-"

Four men in dark suits pushed past her. "Thank you. We'll take it from here."

Lonnie was rightly pleased with himself. It had been his idea to wire me twice. Ron Udell had discovered the obvious transmitter and destroyed it. The second one, a tiny thing disguised as a button on my shirt, had continued to transmit everything that was said in the room.

Apart from that, Lonnie and Bob, staking out the coffee shop, had seen Tami arrive in her white Mercedes. After she'd gone in to meet me, Lonnie had casually stopped to tie his shoelaces next to her car so that he could surreptitiously fix a global positioning device to the vehicle. That meant they could follow us at a distance, without any worries they would lose me.

Ariana had handled the law-enforcement side, liaising with a friend high up in the LAPD and using a contact in the FBI to set up the arrests.

Brother Owen made bail, huffing his innocence of all charges, which included fraud, smuggling, extortion, and tax evasion. The L.A. Times published their series exposing the Church of Possibilities early, to coincide with the publicity. Tami Eckholdt and Ron Udell were said to be cooperating fully with the authorities in their inquiries.

In Australia, Ralphie Bates had been arrested on the initial charge of insurance fraud.

With a compassionate thought for the unsuspecting casino operators, I'd put my Aunt Millie on a flight to Las Vegas.

Alf and Chicka Hartnidge were in talks with several industry executives with the view of having another movie studio take over the Oz Mob project.

At Kendall & Creeling, everything was back to normal. Buoyed by the possibility she'd still get to play Penny Platypus, Melodie was busy refining what she fondly believed to be an Aussie accent.

This had driven Fran to distraction. She and Melodie had a yelling match in the kitchen, and Harriet and I had to separate them.

Fran, snarling, marched off in one direction, Melodie, peeved, marched off in the other.

"I'd say Fran will blow her foofer valve if she doesn't look out," I said.

"Her what?" said Harriet.

"Foofer valve. It's just a saying, like you might remark that someone's gone berkers, and to watch out, because they're likely to blow a gasket…or a foofer valve."

Harriet looked at me dubiously. "If you say so," she said. She walked off, shaking her head.

Actually, there was something that wasn't back to normal at Kendall & Creeling. It was the way Ariana was treating me, as if I might suddenly embarrass her with some outpouring of inappropriate emotion.

I'd have to set her straight, so we could go back to the way we were before we'd made love. I tried not to think of that night too much, but images of us together in her bed jolted me when I least expected them.

I gave it some thought and decided it would be best to be direct. I'd approach this logically. After everyone had gone, I collected a writing pad and pen, and I took them into the kitchen where Julia Roberts was dining on chicken.

"How's this, Jules?" I said. I read out: "Ariana, I hope you don't think I took that night with you too seriously. It was lovely, but just a one-night stand."

Julia Roberts stopped eating and looked at me.

"You're right, Jules. That makes Ariana seem cheap, as if she's just in it for sex. But then again, what's wrong with that? Sex is a good thing, don't you think?"

Julia Roberts went back to her chicken. I went back to my writing pad.

"OK, how about this: Ariana, we're business partners. I don't want to imperil that relationship."

Imperil wasn't the right word. Endanger? Put at risk?