Claire McNab - The Dingo Dilemma

I decided to be direct. "I'm not sure what to say to Ariana. She's so cool, so contained."

Janette gave me an understanding smile. "My sister's always been rather reticent and the events in the past have accentuated her reserve. It might help you understand if you realize how Natalie's illness isolated Ariana. Natalie was much older than Ariana, and a professor at UCLA, so from the beginning the majority of their friends came from academia. Ariana was in the closet at the LAPD, which at that time was a hostile workplace for gays, so she formed very few close relationships there."

"My father was one."

Affection flooded Janette's face. "Colin was a wonderful man. I still can't believe he's gone. I'll always miss him."

I blinked hard, hoping Janette didn't see the sudden tears in my eyes. I missed him, too. He'd died before I'd really got to know him.

Janette went on," When the unmistakable signs of Alzheimer's appeared, Natalie took early retirement. She had always been rightly proud of her intellect, so she was embarrassed and confused when it began to increasingly fail her. She became a recluse, withdrawing from almost everyone in their social network. I know Ariana tried to maintain friendships of her own, but she had so little time. Her life became filled with the demands of her career as a cop and her caretaker role with Natalie."

I said, "Ariana's told me how she stayed close to my dad and how he offered her a partnership in his business."

"Colin admired Ariana for the way she managed her commitment to Kendall & Creeling while coping with Natalie's worsening mental state. And he was there for her when it became obvious that Natalie had deteriorated to the point where she needed to be in an intensive-care home."

"Making that decision must have been hard," I said inadequately.

"Devastating. It broke Ariana's heart, but at least she had me and Colin to support her. When Colin died, that left only me to confide in. Then you came along."

"I don't think I could say Ariana confides in me."

Janette leaned forward and put a hand on mine. "I'm so pleased you're in her life, Kylie. You make her laugh, and that's more of an achievement than you can imagine."

I said ruefully, "It's more laughing at me than with me."

"Don't sell yourself short. You're the only one, besides me, who can get close to her."

"Crikey, Janette, I don't know if I can claim that degree of intimacy."

Janette sat back with a knowing smile. "Really? That's not how I heard it from Ariana."

I felt myself blushing. "What did she say?"

"She said you were like no one she had ever met before. That you went to bed together. That she was astonished and disconcerted." Janette chuckled. "And that it was pretty damn good."

Flustered and delighted and confused, all at once, I blurted out, "I'm in love with her."

Janette's face softened. "Kylie, that may not be such a good idea."

"Why? Because Natalie will always be between us?"

"Ariana is fiercely loyal."

"I can't help how I feel. I don't want to help it," For the second time in a few minutes I felt tears sting my eyes. I was becoming such a sook. "You're saying I've got Buckley's, are you?" I asked.

She frowned. "Buckley's?"

"Meaning I've no chance." I added for clarification, "It's hopeless."

Her expression concerned, she said, "Ariana didn't mention any of this to me. Does she know how you feel?"

"Yes."

Gussie, who'd settled down near us, suddenly leapt joyfully to her feet, her plumed tail wagging.

"Ariana's home," said Janette.

We heard the key in the door and then the sounds of Gussie's enthusiastic greeting. Janette said to me in a soft voice, "Be careful with her, Kylie. When she called to say she was running late, it was because she couldn't drive. She was too upset. She didn't say why, but of course it's to do with Natalie."

Ariana and Gussie came into the room. Janette went to her and gave her a hug. "How's it going, sis?"

"OK." Ariana looked over Janette's shoulder at me. "Hi."

"Hello." I felt a fool, not sure of what to say or how to act. Janette took the pressure off by bustling around looking for her car keys.

Keys located, she gave Ariana another quick hug. "I'll speak with you tomorrow. If you want me to take Gussie again, just give the word." She flashed a smile at me. "See you, Kylie."

Ariana and Gussie went outside to see Janette off, leaving me in unexpected turmoil, uncertain of whether to ask Ariana about Natalie, or avoid the subject. Would it hurt her or help her to talk about it? Was I presuming too much? Why would she want to share her grief with me?

Let me comfort you, I'd said yesterday, confident that I could. Today I wasn't sure of anything.

In the end, we didn't watch a movie, but had pizza delivered and chatted about different things, none of which was remotely connected to Natalie. I did most of the talking. I amused her with my description of Pauline Feeney's ire when I'd told her there was no way I could get her onto the Darleen set. I told her about my conversation with Yancy and how he'd claimed his boss, Norris Blainey, some time in the past had been associated with mysterious deaths. I described my trepidation about embarking on an acting career, even though it was only for a short time and in a good cause, and how I expected Harry and Gert O'Rourke to call any minute, demanding to know what I'd found out about their son, Dingo, which so far would be nothing.

After we'd cleared away the remains of the pizza, we sat on either end of the couch with tea (me) and coffee (Ariana) looking out at the lights of the city.

Ariana broke the silence. "Sorry. I'm not very good company tonight."

I took a deep breath. "Do you want to talk about Natalie?"

"What is there to say?" I didn't speak. Ariana looked over at me. After a moment, she said, "Natalie doesn't know who I am."

How could anyone forget those laser blue eyes?

Ariana's lips trembled. "She's in restraints. She doesn't understand what's happened to her, and she keeps trying to get up, saying she wants to go home. Natalie means our house, where we lived in Santa Monica."

Ariana put her face in her hands. "When I was leaving, she pleaded with me, begged me to take her there. She said someone was waiting for her. Someone who loved her."

I put my tea down carefully, and moved to take her in my arms. I could cry for the pity of it, but that would be no comfort for Ariana. "What else?" I said.

"That was the worst. That and her bewilderment at not being able to get up and walk. She treated me like a friendly stranger. "Something's the matter," she said. "Will you get someone to help me, please?"

We sat in silence, Ariana in my arms, for a long time. Then she stirred. "I'm exhausted."

I kissed her, gently. She didn't push me away, nor did she respond. I said, "Come to bed."

"Kylie, sex is the last thing on my mind."

"I had more in mind a comfortable cuddle."

She gave me a small, tired smile. "Why do I not believe you?"

"Fair dinkum, Ariana. I won't start anything. Promise. It's just that I don't think you should be alone tonight."

She nodded slowly. "Just for tonight, I'd…"

"Appreciate my company?"

"Something like that."

"Can you give me an old T-shirt to wear? I hadn't planned ahead." Sure.

She moved without her usual taut energy. I took Gussie outside for a quick run, then came in, cleaned my teeth in the guest bathroom and changed into the old, soft T-shirt Ariana had left out for me. I padded into her bedroom. I could hear her shower still running, so I sat on the bed and waited.

She came out wearing green silk pajamas. I looked at her without passion, but with a love so overwhelming it frightened me. I clenched my teeth to avoid saying, "I absolutely adore you."