Claire McNab - The Dingo Dilemma

"I don't just get a map of the place with an X marking the spot?" I asked with a grin.

"All visitors have to be accompanied by designated hosts while on the studio grounds," he said. He added, after a meaningful pause, "I'll be watching you."

He wasn't kidding. From the time I got out of the car and headed back across the lot, he had binoculars trained on me. I gave him a cheerful wave before I disappeared inside. He didn't wave back.

I went up to the reception desk and gave my name to a blond woman who was pretty much a clone of Melodie, only not so good-looking. Eppie Longworth, Ariana's erstwhile colleague, came out of her office to greet me. She was wearing the same pale gray uniform as the guard at the gate, but hers sported a badge reading Head of Security. She was medium height, with a stocky build and a no-nonsense air. She had a crash-hot smile, which transformed her rather plain face into something close to beautiful.

"Call me Eppie," she said, shaking my hand. "Ariana tells me you're keen to become a licensed private investigator."

"I'm giving it a go."

"Pity you've never been in law enforcement. As an amateur, you've got quite a few more supervised hours to accumulate than an ex-cop."

"Too true," I said. "Thousands." I added quickly, in case she thought I was a no-hoper, "But I'm going to stick it out, no matter what."

She laughed. "Ariana said as much."

It gave me a ridiculous little thrill to think Ariana had mentioned something personal about me. I only just stopped myself from looking like a total galah by asking, "What else did she say about me?"

Eppie took me through to the back of the building where dozens of electric carts were lined up. Several people were lounging about, chatting. I took it they were the hosts the guard at the gate had mentioned.

"I'll take you to the Darken soundstage myself," said Eppie, sliding into the driving seat of the nearest cart. I got in beside her.

As we jolted along a cobblestone street-I vaguely recognized the facades around us as belonging to some series I'd seen on television-Eppie said, "I gather Doug O'Rourke is a relative of yours?"

"Distant. Dingo's a cousin removed a few times."

"This isn't a social call?"

"Not really." I told her how Harry and Gert O'Rourke had become worried when he'd become uncharacteristically uncommunicative. "I'm here to say g'day and find out if anything's wrong with him."

She flicked a quick look at me, then said, "O'Rourke had a full background check before he was employed by Bellina. Passed with flying colors."

This was mildly surprising, as Dingo had always been a bit of a wild bloke, though he'd never been in the slammer.

Being as Eppie was head of security, and should know what was going on, I said, "Have you heard of the Collie Coalition?"

"I don't believe so," she said, her tone dismissive.

"There's a rumor going around that Darleen the dingo's likely to be taken for ransom."

Eppie's face went blank. "There are always rumors circulating in television. It comes with the territory."

"So there's no truth in this particular one?"

"I guarantee Darleen isn't going anywhere," she said firmly.

This wasn't really an answer to my question, but before I could probe further, Eppie brought the electric cart to a stop outside a large, windowless building.

"This is it, Kylie. I'll take you in and introduce you, then I've got work to do. Tell them to call me when you're ready to leave."

Inside it was organized chaos. The place was crammed with equipment and sets and cameras and lights. Cables ran everywhere on the floor. People were rushing to and fro, seemingly intent on urgent tasks, while others lounged around talking.

Eppie cut a path through to an inoffensive-looking bloke who was standing by himself earnestly checking through items on a clipboard. "Freddie, this is Kylie Kendall. She's here to see Dingo O'Rourke."

He didn't seem at all put out to be interrupted in this way. "Right. Follow me."

I said goodbye to Eppie, then hurried to keep up with Freddie, who moved with deceptive speed. He took me through a dizzying array of sets then down a long hallway to a green door bearing the stern commandment to keep it closed at all times. "Through here."

Behind it was a large room fitted with three spacious mesh runs. One of them, I guessed, held the famous Darken.

Dingo was slumped in a chair, smoking. He looked up as we entered, his face far from welcoming. "What do you want?"

"Dingo," I said. "G'day."

Freddie said, "I'll leave you to it," and disappeared.

"Jesus, Kylie, what are you doing here?"

"Just dropping in to say hello."

Dingo dropped the butt of his cigarette on the floor and ground it out under the heel of his boot. "It's not a good time."

He was thinner and more drawn than I remembered. His sandy hair was lank and lifeless. Even his mustache drooped listlessly. He still had a hard, muscled body, but his usually tanned face was pale and there was a tremor in his hands.

"Why didn't you answer my calls?" I asked.

"Christ, can't you leave me alone?"

"This isn't my idea, Dingo. I'm here as a favor to your mum and dad."

His face twisted. "Tell them I'm fine."

"You don't look fine to me."

"I haven't got time for this."

He looked relieved when the door opened and a girl stuck her head through. "Darleen's up in fifteen."

"I can't talk now. Later perhaps, Kylie. I'll call you."

We both knew he wouldn't.

I found my way back to the activity by heading towards the noise. I was looking for Freddie to call Eppie Longworth to come and get me, when a balding bloke with a ponytail grabbed me.

"You're late! Here, take this." He took my arm and guided me over to one of the sets. Shoving pages of script into my hand, he said, "Take it from the top."

"There's been some mistake-"

"No mistake. That's the scene I want." He turned away to bellow, "Giles? Where the hell are you? Get some light on this girl."

Abruptly, blinding lights came on. I blinked through the glare at the pages I was holding, recognizing the first words. It was the appallingly written passage Melodie had delivered in the kitchen this morning.

Someone yelled, "Quiet on the set!" Silence immediately fell.

"And action!" snapped the ponytailed bloke, who had to be Earl Garfield.

Right. I'd give him action. I'd show him how it should have been written. I'd ham it up and have some fun.

"Timmy?" I cried, hoping my expression conveyed a combo of wonder and desperate hope. "Fair dinkum, is that really you? My baby brother?" I took a deep breath to prolong a dramatic pause, then went on, "You little bobby-dazzler! At last, after all these years, with me in Oz and you here, in Texas, and never a word between us. Ripper!" I dropped my gaze to an imaginary dingo by his side. "And good onya, Darleen, for being true blue."

"Cut!" Garfield strode into the light. "Your accent needs some work, but you'll do. The part's yours."

"But-"

"Giles will look after the details." He raised his voice to yell, "Giles, where the hell are you?"

"Mr. Garfield-"

"Don't bother me"-he broke off to peer at me intently- "Name?"

"Kylie, Kylie Kendall."

"Don't bother me with piddling trivia, Kylie Kendall. Your agent will handle negotiations."

"I don't have-"

"Giles! Get your ass over here!" He turned back to glare at me. "And be on time in future."

"What just happened?" I said to Giles.

"You got the part of Olive. Congratulations. You're a TV star.”

I got back to Kendall & Creeling feeling rather like a stunned mullet. I skipped past Melodie at the front desk with a pang of guilt, wondering how to break the news that I was about to play Olive, not her. I found Ariana wasn't in yet, and I required expert advice, fast.