Gail Bowen: Love You To Death

“I do remember,” I say. “The lines were jammed after you-after Janet-called. Everyone had a story. It was a great show.”

“At the end you thanked Janet, but as a joke you called her Marion the Librarian.” The seduction is gone from the voice of the woman in front of me. She sounds dead. “You called her ‘a pearl of great price.’”

“And I said she should call me anytime,” I say.

“That’s exactly what you said.” Rani’s fury is back-hotter than ever. I see Nova’s panic. “Can you imagine what it meant to Janet to be invited into the life of a man like you? To know that, for the first time in her life, she was ‘a pearl of great price’? Suddenly she had a reason to get up in the morning. As soon as she woke up, she would call your studio to find out the topic for that night. She would spend every coffee break, every lunch hour, researching the topic so she would have something to offer you. She lived for those calls.” Nova winces. Rani is jamming the gun into her spine. “Then this person wouldn’t let you take them anymore.”

“It wasn’t Nova’s choice,” I say. “It’s not her fault.”

“She took other people’s calls. Young people. Twisted people. People who sounded…exotic.”

“Charlie, please.” When she calls my name, Nova’s voice is forlorn.

Rani’s face twists with rage. “ You sound desperate, Nova. Janet knew that feeling. Every time the show ended and you hadn’t taken her call, she’d go into the bathroom, look in the mirror and then watch herself put the barrel of her gun in her mouth.

“A month ago, I… she almost pulled the trigger. She stared at her reflection for what seemed like hours. Then on the radio, she heard Charlie’s voice. ‘On the air, you can be anyone you want to be,’ he said. That’s when Janet knew that she could be the woman Charlie needed her to be-young, hot, great radio. The kind of woman whose calls would always be welcomed.”

“And Rani was born,” I said.

“Every night Janet practiced the new voice in front of the mirror. It took a while, but it was worth it. When she closed her eyes and listened to the voice, she felt different-desirable, powerful. The voice was easy, but the face was harder. Janet bought the most expensive makeup in the city, but no matter how much makeup she put on, she was still old and plain. And you were perfect, Charlie.”

“I’m not perfect,” I say.

She ignores me. “ Janet knew that a seductive voice might get her on the air, but she realized you’d never be satisfied with just a voice. You wanted a real flesh-and-blood woman. You deserved someone as perfect as you. She bought a very expensive wig. She was ready, but your lines were always jammed. Other people kept getting in the way. There were times when you talked to Ian Blaise twice in a single night.”

“He lost his wife and children,” I say, and even as the words escape my mouth, I know I’m saying exactly the wrong thing.

Rani’s wig slips down over her ear. She moves the microphone closer to her lips. Her hiss is as venomous as a snake’s. “At least he had a wife and children to lose. Janet had never had anybody. Ian Blaise had memories…”

“Marcie Zhang was only fourteen.”

“And she’d already been rejected and laughed at. I did her a favor. I cut her pain short.”

“But James Washington had everything ahead of him.”

“And he still kept calling you. Don’t you see, Charlie? Every minute you were on the air with James Washington, you weren’t with me. I had to get him out of the way. It was nothing personal. He had to go, and now he’s gone. And I’m here.”

Nova is very pale. She sways as if she’s about to collapse. Rani notices and grabs her roughly about the shoulder. The microphone is still in her hand and it knocks Nova’s chin. She winces, but does not cry out. I’ve had enough. “Let Nova go,” I say. My voice is louder than I intend it to be, and Rani tenses-the last thing we need. I try to be reassuring. “Come into the booth with me,” I say . “We can do the show together. Nobody else. Just the two of us.”

Rani looks angrily at Nova. “Your producer will never let me come in there. The minute I move away from her, she’ll stop me.”

“I won’t stop you. I swear,” Nova says.

Rani adjusts her platinum wig. Under the mask of makeup, it’s difficult to read the expression on her face, but her voice is resigned. It’s the voice of a person who feels that events have been taken out of her hands. “Of course, if Nova was dead,” she says matter-of-factly, “she couldn’t stop me.”

The control room is brightly lit. It’s easy for me to see exactly what’s happening. Nova is gripping the chair in front of her to keep from falling forward. From the angle of her arm, it’s clear that Rani has the gun aimed at the base of Nova’s spine.

Nova’s voice is pleading. “Just move the gun up, so it doesn’t hurt the baby,” she says. “She hasn’t done anything to you. Let her live… please. Please, Rani. If you’re going to shoot me, okay, but please don’t kill my baby.”

The jaws of the vice clamped to my temples tighten. The threat to Nova and her baby is more than I can take. “Rani, we don’t know how much time we have,” I say . “Let’s not waste it. Nova has nothing to do with our lives now. She’s the one who’s irrelevant. Open the door to the studio and come to me.”

Rani hesitates. She and Nova are frozen, like figures on a TV screen when there’s a transmission problem. My heart is pounding. Under my breath, I say, “Take the first step, Rani. You can do it. Take the first step. Once I get you in here with me, I don’t care what happens as long as Nova and the baby are safe.”

I lean into the mike. “Rani, you know you want to see me. We’ve waited so long-too long. Come to me, Rani. Come to me. Come. Come.”

I watch the hands on the studio clock. It ticks off the seconds with agonizing slowness. Finally, Rani turns away from Nova, and like a sleepwalker she begins to move. I hate and fear guns, but I have never seen a more beautiful sight than the light glinting off Rani’s Glock 22 pistol as she moves toward me. She raises the hand that is not holding the gun to straighten her wig and arranges her face in a tortured smile. When I’m certain Rani will not turn back, I allow myself to look at Nova. She is inching her way slowly toward the door that will lead her out of the control room to safety. For the first time since the show started that night, I exhale.

My relief doesn’t last long. Within seconds, Rani opens the door to the studio. “It’s so dark in here,” she says.

“That’s how I like it,” I say. “ Follow the sound of my voice .”

“I want to see your face.”

“Do you?”

“I ’ ve imagined it a thousand times. I lie awake at night, touching your perfect body with my mind.”

I reach for the light that I keep on the desk for an emergency and flick the switch. I tilt the lamp toward me, so that Rani can see my face clearly. She gasps. “ My god. What happened?”

“I was born,” I say. “It’s a birthmark. The human stain. Not the stuff of your dreams, huh?”

Rani raises the gun, so that it’s pointed at me. Despite her crooked platinum wig and her clownish makeup, she’s a commanding figure. Her hand is steady as she takes aim. Behind her in the control room, I can see police officers moving into position. They, too, have their weapons drawn. I am beyond being frightened.