Tania Carver: The Surrogate

Scared, she contacted the police. Phil was handed the case. He and his team went through Gemma’s life intimately. They found no one, nothing that could possibly point to the perpetrator. They arranged for her flat to be watched. Saw no one apart from her friends and boyfriend. They were getting nowhere, she was still terrified. Then someone suggested bringing in a psychologist.

Marina Esposito, a lecturer in psychology at nearby Essex University, was called in to consult. She specialised in deviant sexuality. The case was tailor-made for her. Along with Phil she examined every aspect of Gemma’s life, and they found their stalker: Martin Fletcher. Her flatmate’s boyfriend. He was arrested and confessed.

And that should have been the end of it. But it wasn’t. Not for Marina.

‘I doubt she’d do it, to tell you the truth, sir.’

‘I thought a bit of persuading, perhaps.’ Fenwick sounded surprised.

Phil couldn’t believe what he was hearing. ‘Persuading? Last time she worked with us she nearly died. Severed all links.You sure you want her?’

‘Super mentioned her personally. Good a place as any to start with. And if ever a case was right up her alley it’s this one.’ Fenwick’s voice changed gear then, moved from politician to friend, counsellor. Phil didn’t trust him when he did that. ‘Leave it to me, Phil. I’ll talk to her, see what I can do.’

Phil closed his eyes. Marina was there. He shook his head. Marina was always there. He sighed. Fenwick was right. Whatever else had happened, she was the best. And he needed the best on this case. ‘Well, good luck with that.’

‘Thank you.’ Phil couldn’t tell if Fenwick was being sarcastic or not.

There was a silence on the other end of the line. Then: ‘Are you sure you can handle this, Phil?’

Phil was jolted back. ‘Don’t see why not. I’ve been CIO on high-profile cases before.’

‘That’s not what I meant.’ Fenwick’s voice was quiet. Solicitous.

Phil couldn’t speak for a few seconds as he absorbed the impact of Fenwick’s words. He knows.The bastard knows.

His heart started to beat faster again. It’s the case, he told himself, the baby, the seconds ticking away. That’s all it is, not… ‘Yes, sir, I can handle it.’

‘Good. Then I’ll talk to her. Because we’re going to need all the help we can get on this one. There’s a budget for this; it’s been upgraded as high priority so we don’t need to worry about that aspect. Extra manpower too. Personpower I should say. Let us not speak the language of dinosaurs in this department.’ He gave a snort.

Phil wasn’t listening. He had butterflies in his stomach.

‘Right. Well, we’d better get going. The clock’s ticking and all that. ’

‘Right you are, sir.’

Phil broke the connection. Stood staring at the phone, stunned at Fenwick’s words. But he didn’t have time to think about them now. He had another call to make.

Somehow it didn’t seem to matter too much.

Clayton emerged from the block of flats, joined him.

‘Ready, boss?’

‘Nearly,’ said Phil. He looked at Clayton, looked at his handset. Do it now. Get it over with.

‘Just got a call to make. Won’t be a moment.’

He walked away for privacy, dialled the number. Hoped Clayton was out of earshot.

It wasn’t good for morale to hear your boss get told off by his mum.

He had done it. Actually done it. Gone out and got her a baby, just like she had asked, just like he had promised to. Hester couldn’t believe it.

But she looked down at the baby and frowned. It wasn’t right. Not right at all.

She knew what babies looked like. Especially newborn ones. She’d seen them on TV. They were always happy and smiling, with hair. This one wasn’t. Small, wrinkled, shrivelled and pinky blue. More like Yoda than a baby. And it didn’t smile. Just twisted its face up and made a gurgling, wailing noise, like it was being tortured underwater.

But it was a baby, so Hester would have to make the best of it. A baby of her own. And when you had a baby, you had to clothe it and feed it and make it grow. She knew that.

It was wailing now. Hester brought her face into a smile.

‘Do you want feeding, baby?’ Her voice was an approximation of baby talk. Like she had heard on TV. ‘Do you?’ More wailing. ‘Mummy’s got something for you.’

Mummy. Just the word…

She went to the fridge, took out a bottle, placed it in the microwave. She had given him a list of what she wanted and he had got the lot. Powdered milk. Bottles. Nappies. Everything the books said.

She waited for the ping. Took it out.

‘Just right,’ she said, squirting some into her own mouth. She stuck the teat into the baby’s mouth, waited while it sucked hard. ‘That’s it. That’s better…’

Yes, it was tiny and pink and shrivelled. Yoda. But unlike Yoda its eyes wouldn’t open all the way, no matter how much Hester pulled at them. That wasn’t important, though. She looked down at the infant. She had wrapped it in blankets because that was the right thing to do, but it still looked cold. Like its skin wasn’t the right colour. But it didn’t matter. Hester had a baby. At last. That was the important thing. And she had to bond. That was important too.

She looked down at it again, feeding, managed a smile. ‘I’ve been through a lot to get you,’ she said, her usually broken voice sounding like a baby coo, ‘a lot. I could have just walked in somewhere, taken you, but that wouldn’t have been right, would it? No… Because you’d have been someone else’s by then, wouldn’t you? You’d have a different mummy and you’d have to forget her before you met me.’ She sighed. ‘Yes, I’ve been through a lot. But you were worth it…’

The baby spat the teat out, began to cough. Hester felt anger rising inside herself. It wasn’t doing what it was supposed to. It should take all the bottle. The book said. TV said.

‘Don’t you fuckin’ do that,’ she said, no trace now of baby talk. ‘Take it…’

She shoved the teat back in the baby’s mouth again, forced it to drink. Pushed the rising anger back down.

The baby stopped coughing, took the teat. That was better.

It was shrivelled and the wrong colour. And it wailed and shat all the time. She hated that. But it was a baby. And that was all she had wanted. So she would put up with it.

‘But you’d better start to be like the TV babies,’ she said to its bare head, ‘the proper babies, or there’ll be trouble…’

The baby kicked and wriggled, tried to get away from the bottle.

‘No,’ she said, ‘you need to be big and strong. And you’re not finished until I say you’re finished…’

Milk ran down the baby’s cheeks. It had finished feeding. Hester kept the teat in place.

She smiled, looked at her watch. Closed her eyes. It would be time for her husband to go out soon.Yes, she had a baby now but his work wasn’t done. There was still the list to be attended to. Then, when he had finished, he would come back to her and they would all settle in. A real family. Complete. She opened her eyes. Smiled. Content with her life.

For now.

‘ Fancy a coffee?’ The bright and perky voice was in Marina’s ear once more.

Marina turned. Caroline was standing with some of the other women from the group, heading towards the door.

‘A few of us usually head off into town,’ Caroline said. ‘Go to Life for a coffee. Well, those of us who can still drink it. And usually a little something else.’

‘Doesn’t that undo everything you’ve just done here?’ asked Marina.

Caroline laughed, shrugged. ‘What’s life without a few little treats?’